Advice Please

[Artemis365]

ok ill summarize this...
I am friends with to older boys, one 17 and the other 18, and my parents didn't let me talk to them except in school but i hung out with them twice and the second time my parents found out and found out that i had lied. They forbade me from even looking at those boys but i care about them and can't stop talking to them! The guilt and fear of being found out is killing me! But the idea of not having them in my life makes me sad and if i try to express this to my parents they get angry ( i can understand that though) so ive just been holding it all in! I really need to talk about it and find a way to let those boys go. Any advice?

[Zylah]

Hello Artemis -

I think we all know what it's like to experience the kind of thing you're going through; please try to believe I'm not trying to patronize you when I say that your age is an important factor here. I'm the mom of a 16 yo girl and 14 yo boy, so I also know how your parents feel, and would do the same thing if I were in their position.

Before I say anything else: you do need to respect your parents in this. You know already how they feel about these boys, and you say you understand why. They are there to protect you, and they have every right to tell you not to socialize with boys that much older than you are. I would feel exactly the same way. If the boys are real friends of yours, if they are good-hearted (as you clearly believe they are), they will respect your parents' wishes. You are learning to be an adult, but you aren't there yet.

So first, you should do as your parents ask and stop talking to the boys. That's your only option right now. So what's left is to help you manage how you feel, which will be helpful not just now, but for the rest of your life.

For you right now, realizing how much your age is a factor not just socially but PHYSICALLY, is important in helping you center and be at peace with this among other issues you'll face. Your brain is forming totally new neural pathways, partly because your endocrine system is pouring out all kinds of chemicals triggered by your pituitary, thymus, and other glands. You have a LOT going on in your physiology right now, and it will have an effect on how you see and understand everything within *and* around you. Be patient with your body as it adjusts to being a woman.

And just so you know, all the advice I am about to give you is advice I still follow myself.

When you get upset, go and meditate, if possible privately. Do what you can to relax, so your emotions don't rule you. With all the uproar of the endocrine and other body systems, it's *very* easy for your emotions to take over; don't let them, if you can help it. But that *doesn't* mean don't cry, or don't express and acknowledge how you feel - that's equally important to do. You need to have a healthy outlet for your feelings!

So I advise, go to your safe place and center; breathe; meditate. When the feelings arise in your safe place, let them come out in a safe, healthy way - cry, hit a pillow if necessary. Something that can help me also is to take a bubble bath with a little sachet bag of fresh lavender and rosemary, which are both herbs that help soothe and relax. If your parents allow it, you could light a candle or two around the tub (*carefully*).

Every blessing

[Artemis365]

Thank you Zylah! Ill explain to them next time i see them that i cant talk to them anymore.

[Zylah]

You're welcome!

[morgane_snowy_owl]

to Artemis
Sometimes, it is very difficult to communicate, even more when there is an age/reality difference, and even more when there is an authority hierarchy. Phew! You have reached an important phase in your life, one that is marked with transformation. Transformation means constantly readjusting to your new realities. And to readjust, you must first observe... observe yourself, observe others, without judgement, without criticism, without trying to change it right away. Those attitudes add a layer of negative emotion that's not only useless, but harmful too. Know yourself, accept yourself, look at yourself with love and compassion, for you are perfect now, and after you change, you'll be also perfect tomorrow. You are just what you need to be NOW.

Do be careful about piling up bad experiences between your parents and you. They can leave scars... I know it's not easy, and we all have to figure this out... but the trick is to preserve peace as much as you can, without neglecting your own TRUE needs, passions, emotions, and so on. When you find yourself all worked up, caught in a difficult situation because what you want and what you're asked to do are two different things... ask yourself, "Is this truly worth it? Is this truly what I want?"

Zylah, let me just bow to your beautiful wisdom and wish you a very good day!

Morgane