Feeling so low. Need a cuddle

[White Star]

Hi, about three weeks ago at about 9am I was taken ill at work. I had central chest pain, struggled for breath, started to sweat a lot and felt very nauseus and ill. Suspecting a heart attack I was taken to hospital where they treated me as such, they were fantastic, fantastic people. Having said they didn't think it was a heart attack and after my blood tests were normal they discharged me at about midnight. I saw my gp and was placed off work for a month (you lucky so and so my son said.)
I had a few minor episodes of the same symptoms but by now I was taking various tablets and was armed with a GTN spray to squirt under my tongue for the chest pain, my gp had said I may have angina. I drive trucks and coaches so work was out of the question.
Two weeks to the day after the first attack I had another bad one, all the same symptoms while I was walking our two german shepherd dogs. The spray didn't work and I felt really ill again so called an ambulance, my son came and got the dogs and stayed till the ambulance arrived.
This time the blood tests were not so good and indicated a poss. heart attack. I was admitted to the coronary care unit for two days. I have since had an angiogram procedure where they inject a dye into the arteries. I have great arteries so no angina but they can't rule out what they call a "cardiac episode".
I am still off work but since these episodes I have become very down, I can burst into tears for no reason and just sob my socks off, I don't understand what is happening to me, and I think the docs are head scratching too. I am normally very fit and healthy no time off work ill at all for over 12 yrs, I just don't get ill.
I am trying so hard to be the person I normally am but it's just not working, everything seems to weigh a ton and although work family and friends are all being really understanding I am just stuck in this dark place and can't find my way out. I know compared to others my problems are not that bad but my confidence seems to have taken a real knock. Maybe it's all been a bit of a shock, I don't know.
Blessings

[Lily]

I'm not good at virtual hugs but here's a cutie for you...

You sound depressed (sounds like what I had) ...
Seriously - I'm not a doctor but why could such an episode, as you say, a shock, not trigger a bout of depression.
Maybe you should have that worked out.

[Heddwen]

and here's a virtual cuddle from me

[Muddy Fox]

And one from me

[Oakapple]

Hi White Star,as you are usually so fit and well and "in control" of your life, this episode of illness is bound to have been a shock and emotional upset, so no surprise you are feeling down!
You say you are taking various tablets, its just a possibility that they could also be affecting your mood. I'm no expert but I had some blood pressure tablets that made me weepy for no apparent reason while I was otherwise well (sorry I can't remember the name of them).
You may not want "helpful" suggestions but is there any way you can take use this time off work - extra reading/study etc , and turn it to your advantage?
Sending you big hugs and hoping you feel better soon.

[skydove]

Hi White Star,
Here's a big hug and hope you are starting to feel a bit better. It's so scary when a normally fit and well person has something go wrong with them, you try to be brave and positive but its a shock non the less when we realise we are mortal after all. I'm sure most people go through various emotions as they come to terms with what their body is doing and how it has begun to let them down, - just remember your not dead yet!
Get as much mental and emotional and physical support at this stage as you can, let your family and friends and the docs help you to find out what is wrong and help to make you better, your role is to assist them in this. Work with your own mind body spirit and soul, try to eat well, get plenty of rest and try some healing meditations and work in your grove. This is a time to work with your whole self to bring yourself back to balance. In a way you have to be down in that deep dark unpleasant place before you realise you dont want to be there and then you can take small steps for yourself to move away from it, but if you feel you need to stay there a while whilst you get over the shock of it all just stay there and sob your heart out for as long as it takes and remember the brighter place is also there when you are ready. My thoughts and good wishes are with you.

[Tynan Elder Oak]

Hello There White Star...... I know how you feel having just come from that place myself this last three months. It wasn't until last week that I realised that things were actually changing.

Knowing that what you are going through is perhaps not as bad as what others may be going through, may be true.... but not the whole truth. What you are going through is relative to you and BAD, so it is ok to rant and rail at it. However I would really second all that SkyDove said... she is so good isnt she.....
Get help, stay there if you need to and take small steps if you areready to move on. I found that having just one small thing a day that I could say I had accomplished, was most helpful. Even if it were only taking out the rubbish, or feeding the cats. (Don't worry they DO get fed if I havnt done it!)

It is normal to feel down after a 'brick wall' event, and time is necessary. Try not too push yourself too hard, or tell yourself you SHOULD do more. YOur body is trying its best to heal itself, and that is why you are off work.

Will hold you in my thoughts and light a candle tonight for you. Sending hugs, love and healing light.

[Reyna]

The symptoms you describe are exactly what I have during a panic attack-could something be going on in life that might trigger one? I'm not a doctor though, just going from my own experiences. *big hugs!!* It sounds like a scary experience but it also sounds like you have a son that is supportive, and two German shepherds! Hopefully this will pass soon.

[Lily]

I thought the same, Reyna, for the first, but on the second there was something on the tests.

Why not raise that with the doc as a possibility?

[Astrid]

Lots of Swedish hugs I'll send some of our sunshine your way

[Mountainheart]

I feel for you

One thing that struck me is that you wrote "everything seems to weigh a ton". I'm not sure if you mean physically or mentally; but if the former do you know what your general oxygen saturation levels are at the moment? If you do have some sort of heart problem then these could be quite low and would create a general feeling of lacking energy, everything being hard work etc

[White Star]

Guys you are all so lovely. Thank you so much for your kindness and encouragement. I have to see my GP on Tuesday and the cardiologist again in six months from now providing all is well. My wife is a cardiac nurse at a heart hospital so I am in good hands I guess. Actually she did mention with the tearful aftermath I could be depressed but the raised Trop.t.???? levels in my blood test point towards a cardiac reason. Just want to get back to work and get on with life really, they have been supportive and insist I work in the office for a while. dhonur thanks but I did mean mentally, my sats are good thank you.
In the meantime I have been getting back to my studies and meditation in itself is a great healer. But not a patch on you people, thanks again your words are much, much appreciated. Thank you.

ps taking the grandkids to the sea today (wife driving) so some time gazing out to sea will help too I think.

Blessings

[Crimson Stormfire]

and a

[Al Hakim]

Hi white star,

have you ever considered sort of a "burn-out-syndrome"? In such a case you could omit all chemical pills and start a different treatment.
Al Hakim

[Heddwen]

What type of treatment would that be, Al Hakim? I suggest that you get yourself checked out by the GP and take it from there first

[Susanne]

Whitestar
I hope you are doing better & that your time at the sea with your grandkids was great. It is awful to feel out of control in this way but is seems that you have taken back some of that control.
Has your doctor mentioned coronary artery vasospasm? This causes chest pain and elevated troponin without any evidence of plaque in the coronary arteries.
Whatever is happening, all of the great advice of slowing down & taking care of yourself is the best advice you could get! Your body is telling you something....relax, meditate & listen to it.
All the best!
Sue

[merryb]

Hi white star - I am sending you healing and light
With an hug winging to you through the ether
Merry B

[lotuswelcome]

dear Whitestar,
Sending you healing thoughts . Hope you feel better soon (I'm sure you will)
Lots of hugs

Maca

[White Star]

Went to see my gp about returning to work a few days ago and he is letting me return next monday although I still can't drive hgv or coaches. Alcohol banned for next six weeks still, although that's not an issue for me. Work are letting me help out in the offices till then. They have assured me due to my past work record I will always have a job there and not to worry whatever the outcome. I find that sort of loyalty from a huge multi national corporation like that really good in these times.
The cardiologist at the hospital says she can't rule out a cardiac cause at this stage and wants to see me again in a few months time assuming I have no more problems in between.
Al Hakim thanks but I am not about to stop my medication for a non chemical alternative as when I do get cleared to drive and if anything goes wrong, failing to follow the advice of a physician resulting in a road accident or incident is a more serious business for hgv and bus licence holders. It's not just myself I would be putting at risk and heavy vehicles out of control do lots of harm.
Once again thank you. You are all so brilliant. I hope to meet some of you one day at an obod event. You never know, I might be your coach driver....now there's a reassuring thought..

Blessings

[Heddwen]

Glad to hear that things are better for you