Alcoholism and Addiction in Our Midst...

[bradjobborn]

Hello and Bright Blessings... I am posting this with the intention to get some sound advice and perhaps some resources that I need. I have a girlfriend that is an alcoholic and she has been this way for some time. Probably about 20 years. I have finally gotten thru to her and she has asked for help but like myself she doesnt fall into the normal category in religion. She is a dabbler but she is more interested in our way now that she has seen how well I am doing with my struggles. She knows that she cant continue down the path that she has been on but she doesnt know where to turn as far as groups are concerned. We live in souther California and we are looking for a pagan friendly Alcoholic/Narcotics group that she can go to. I have given her ask much information on the path that I can think of but I know that I am missing something. She still feels overwhelmed and for her that is one of her triggers and I dont want to see her go back to the old ways. I honestly dont know if her family or myself can sit back and watch her destroy herself. She has asked me for help and now I am asking for advice on where you think I should look to find the help that she desires. Thanks and Blessed Be...

[Muddy Fox]

Sorry to hear that bradjobborn, it probably won't be of much consolation but I heard on the news on the radio this week that alcohol problems are on the increase, in Britain, anyway, mainly among women.
The reason being that lots of mothers especially single parents are trying to be super heroes by juggling family life and careers, "the perfect parent", and doing everything really with little or no support. I suppose you can be in a marriage and have little or no support as well. And I suppose alcohol is more readily accessible, gives fast relief from feelings over being overwhelmed and tired and it is not a prescribed anti-depressant which can be equally addictive.
So there has to be way of finding balance, and putting things in perspective, work, rest and play in the right quantities. And asking for help when its needed, instead of trying manage alone all of the time.
But she has you to support her, so I am sure she will kick the habit and things will work out.
Blessings
Muddy
x

[Ade Sundog]

Hello there bradjobborn ,
Sorry to hear about your girlfriends problem.
I have had problems with booze in the past too . I don't know what advice or info she has been given, so i may be being patronising
here. But simply , she really has to WANT to stop drinking. It is as simple as that. All the advice in the world won't help otherwise, though
it helps. I found the best way was to occupy myself doing other things , making easy goals , etc , i got back into cycling and walking,
i started drinking herbal tea, stuff like that.

One website that really helped me was this:

http://giveupdrinking.co.uk/index.php (it is a UK website btw)


Awl the best to you and your girlfriend

[bradjobborn]

Thank you to all who posted their replies... I really appreciate all the best wishes and help. I do believe that I am going to start working on a alternative faith based recovery program. I say this because I see this problem more and more and someone needs to step up and help those of us who dont think that they have anywhere to turn. There has to be something out there for us. We, who believe alternatively, are already persecuted as it is. We need to be able to recover without having the undo stress of not believing in what they do. Thanks again for all your help. And if anyone can let me know where they think I should start, like books and such, I welcome all advice and help. Blessed Be.

[Willowhawk]

I'm interested to see any responses to this thread... My family has been dealing (mostly unsuccessfully) with my younger sister's alcoholism for the better part of a decade now. She has been escalating for some time now... in the past 6 weeks she's been arrested twice, once for public intoxication and once for DUI. Despite years of attending AA, she's getting worse, not better. It's frustrating and demoralising to see her destroying herself-- more, to see my mother destroy herself as well, since she's the classic enabler. They both need help and they're not getting it. I've tried, but I can't give them what they need.

Anyway... all blessings on you as you deal with this. It's so hard. Peace on you...

[bradjobborn]

Hello and Bright Blessings to you all especially to Willowhawk... I know your pain in dealing with this frustrating issue. All I can say right now is that we can only love them thru this and only do what we can for them... I do not want to seperate from my girlfriend and leave her alone with this problem, but if she doesnt get a handle on this I will have little choice... I can only say this... Love them thru it and Pray to the Gods you pray to and ask for their assistance and guidance. Perhaps they will place people or programs in your path for your loved one. With all the best wishes and Yule Blessings. Yours under the Oak. Blessed Be... Brad

[Hairy Woman]

As someone with far too many relations far too fond of alcohol, I know how this affects those around them. Bradjobborn, Willowhawk, well done for trying. I know that sometimes it seems like there's no other choice, but some would walk away from the problem the very moment they hear of it.

What is the reason they started drinking (this is rhetorical: I don't need you to give me an answer)? For some it's an addiction formed from socialising. In my family it's a psychological 'coping' 'strategy' and until the problem is removed, they aren't going to admit that they're alcoholics and do something about it despite the amout they know they're drinking each night. I can't help my family: I'm 'too young and naive to understand the pressures of life' and othersuch excuses, and I am looked down upon generally. I hope you have better luck than me.

Ade Sundog, after all the nasty experiences I've seen with alcohol, hearing how you've dealt with it... it's like seeing distant water in a desert.

[Goshawk]

Hi Bradjobborn,

being quite new to the forum, your thread was one of the first to strike my eye. I am really touched by what you are writing and can somewhat feel the struggle you are going through. As I am obviously not in a position to provide instructions, I would rather like to tell you from my own experience. During my late childhood and teen-years, my mother was strongly addicted to alcohol. I will not go into too much detail about my perception of her reasons, as this discussion already seems to have become predominant here; I am sure here reasons were overwhelming for her to choose the path of alcoholism. However, as I was the only one living with her at this time, my situation might have been similar to yours today - caught between love and self protection, support and confrontation,... It touches me to see how great your love must be, to have gone with your girlfriend this far: And though I pray for you that you can proceed together, I have learned that ones first focus in situations such as this should be to take care of oneself. This should not be regarded as egoistic, but it does not help anybody if you destroy yourself (btw, that's what I did, and looking back it was not the wisest decision to have been made ) Also, I would still consider the balance between support and confrontation as one of the most difficult - through support you might somewhat 'help' her keep up the old habits, through confrontation you might take away the last bit that prevents her from totally drowning in alcohol. My own decision today (different from what I did then) might be to be as confronting as my love would permit... In any case, all people I know who have fought successfully against addiction state that not all help can come from those close to us - even though this can be hard to accept. In this regard it looks great that your girlfriend can already see this. Now, as for the available help: when I read your post, my first reaction was to point to the AA groups. Some thoughts later I was not that confident anymore, with you coming from the US. Here in Germany I always appreciated about these groups (and in my case those for co-addicts, which helped me a lot) that there is no specific religious gloss to them. They are indeed spiritual, but all clearly refer to "god, as we understand him/her" or "the divine force". This made it easy for me to find myself in there. Are the AA groups differently oriented in the US (which would be a pity)? Well, in your first post you asked for advice and ressources - and looking at my post I see that I provided pretty much none of these. Hopefully you might find at least some ideas - but in any case: you have my greatest compassion and blessings (both you and your girlfriend). Take care... Til

[Kris Hughes]

AA groups vary, but I think you will find that many of them, especially in a place like CA, are pretty "neutral" when it comes to religion. There may be some members who link their recovery to Christianity, but many who don't. The way it is usually presented these days is that the "higher power" of the 12 step program might be the Christian god. the universe or even your own spirit.

I have never been an AA member, however, my late partner was an alcoholic (recovered for most of our relationship) and I did attend Al Anon quite a bit. This is the sister organisation for anyone who is close to an alcoholic - family member, partner, even close friend. In my experience, me being in Al Anon was probably the best thing I could have done both for my own sanity and for allowing my partner to find his recovery, even though he didn't use AA, as it turned out.

[Aigeann]

Welcome to the Board Goshawk and Kris. Thank you for your thoughtful posts.

Blessings and prayers for the OP...