Not adjusting

[Aigeann]

Two houses to my left was rented by a gang. I won't bore you with details but I have a small inkling of what you have been through.

Massive cyber hugs!

My only contribution would be to suggest you address the issue of your roommate. I understand there are probably things surrounding the situation with this person as well as you and your husband. BUT if their only contribution is to be negative, I think it's time to find a diplomatic solution such as to give them an end/move out date if something doesn't change (a date for payment and/or physical help and/or some other significant contribution). I know it's difficult to face this, especially when you are drained of energy. However, I think their leaving OR changing in such a way as to add to your household, would do much to help you find peace (again).

Many blessings, Aigeann

[Aphritha]

Two houses to my left was rented by a gang.

Oh no! I hope they keep to themselves...I've had it explained that they're not supposed to attack people in certain areas. They're supposed to keep it to their 'turf', as I'm told. Unfortunately, that was our old block...I hear they've been terrorizing those that are left. Cops don't care, because they want them all in that area, so they leave the rest of the town alone. I hope the place you live isn't an area they're wanting for 'business'. Be safe!

My only contribution would be to suggest you address the issue of your roommate.

Ironic you say this now...he's been quite a relevant issue in the home this week. I'm at a loss on how to handle him. We were once very good friends. He even introduced me to my husband! The Gwersi I've gone through recently talk of how to treat friends, and the bonds they share. I'm not sure where and how to draw the line with this one. Good news is, he got a job! Bad news...transportation. He doesn't drive. I told him I don't mind helping him out temporarily, but if its going to be long term, I'd like him to learn to use the bus. My husband also doesn't drive(its a mutual choice we made to save on the expense of two cars, plus his road rage), and picking up two people on two different parts of town is putting me in a car for hours a day. He absolutely refuses to use a bus, claims he's scared(30 year old man terrified of public transit....). He said his boss was going to arrange him rides, but when I asked him about it yesterday, I was told he didn't know when that was going to happen and I could "just deal with it". I can't converse with him about much anymore...any time I have an opinion, its wrong. He gets very angry when I tell him I no longer want to discuss a topic, and refuses to quiet, saying its his right as an American citizen to free speech, which I respond its my right to walk off and not listen, but then I'm told I'm being rude.
We're hoping he keeps the job, as we want our basement back, and he claims to want to be out too. I doubt we'll ever see the debts he owes us, though he's agreed to help with bills. He rolls his eyes and says he might think we're asking too much, but he'll do it. I'd like to salvage the friendship, and him leave on good terms. I'd like to help him out of his depression, but he's so negative towards everything, I don't know what to do with him. We've tried to help him help himself, but despite his claims, he just wants someone to do it all for him(he once suggested I try to make some female friends so I could introduce him to someone...). I feel wrong turning from someone who's so down, but I can't have a 30 year old son. What can I do that's good for everyone? Assuming there is something...

[Aigeann]

My off the cuff comment would be to charge him enough for transportation to help offset what he owes you and for his negativity. If you can. HUG

Otherwise, I wonder (and only you can know this) if it is time for tough love. Sometimes tough love can save a friendship in the long run. I don't know. I'm not in your shoes.

I have learned, though, that "no" IS a complete sentence. Just saying.

Anyway, several of us in the neighborhood joined forces, so to speak, to use the police to our advantage to push the gang out. It took over a year. In the meantime, people found handguns in their garbage cans, dealt with confrontations, etc., ugh.

[RidgeDruid]

Aphritha - I used to work regularly with crime victims, though not as a therapist. What you describe happened to you and the aftermath is a VERY BIG DEAL and I always referred people I worked with to counseling if they could find it. Sounds like you can get some counseling, please do it if you can. In the meanwhile I second what the others have said about good nutrition and exercise! Good luck!

[Aphritha]

I have learned, though, that "no" IS a complete sentence. Just saying.

Yeah, I gotta put that one into utility more often...always been bad with it. Perhaps I could tape it to my dashboard as a reminder.

Anyway, several of us in the neighborhood joined forces, so to speak, to use the police to our advantage to push the gang out. It took over a year. In the meantime, people found handguns in their garbage cans, dealt with confrontations, etc., ugh.

I'm glad to hear its gone! Even if it did take the time, at least its safe now. Its great to see what people can accomplish when they join up. We tried to start such a neighborhood organization ourselves, but we were just too outnumbered. We also didn't have police support. My husband called them one night about kids throwing rocks at people and cars, and requested the officer get out of their car, not circle the block. The dispatch told us "well, we're scared to get out of the car!" How do they think we felt? We couldn't drive away from the issue like they could...
Handguns in the garbage....good symbology.

In the meanwhile I second what the others have said about good nutrition and exercise! Good luck!

I felt like a big dummy yesterday...all this time I'd been dragging my feet about walking(what an image...)because I didn't want to walk the neighborhood. I realized there's a big park over the dike behind the house...right next to a wooded area and the river. All this time and I didn't make the connection I've also been cooking everything from scratch, and I've been feeling better from it, and having fun.