It has been three weeks to the day since I tried to remove myself from this world and the thing that saved me was the quick and thoughtful actions of several friends. I had myself so worked up that cause things were going so good that they had to collapse soon and I took a fools route. The next day when I came home from the hospital my dad told me I could either go to a mental hospital or leave by Monday. I lived with one friend for two days and then another friend for five days and now living with my grandparents.The day before I tried killing myself I had a ritual in the woods asking my patron dieties for help in forcing myself to stop always saying I would do something and not doing it. I asked for it to be done by any means possiable. The four dieties are Perun, Bridget, Cernnunos, and Medb. The offerings were Honey Water, Honey Wheat Bread, Red Peppers, Goat Milk, Orange, and an egg. I did not think much of it till a few days after my attempt when I said something to a friend and she said that a person has to be careful how they ask for help. I also had a tarot card reading from another friend a week or so previous to that and one of the cards was of a person running away. Several of the cards reminded me of my Grandparent's house and property. The last thing I found odd was the day I got out of the hospital while talking to friends I found a to do list I had written for myself that had goals which were meant to help me get out on my own. I almost feel for as much it sucks being puled away from my friends and other things cause of my stupid actions that this was somehow meant to be and somehow there was a warning and I got my what ever way possiable. So far things are good and I am seeing a counciler. What do you guys think?
Hi Ainevar, I am really really pleased that you weren't successful in ending your life and are now seeing a councillor. I am glad that you are finding positive signs in what happened to tell you to continue living, life is very precious, as are you. I will be thinking of you. Skydove
Glad that things worked out the way they did, as now you have a wonderful, though difficult, story to share that may help others who also struggle. As I believe that writing helps us to clarify and process our thinking, may writing about your experiences help you to find your own voice and how best to use it to make the world a better place.
Hi Ainever - you are lucky to have good friends, that you're "still alive" (as the hero of the book I'm reading is fond of saying) and it's great you're seeing a councillor. Just remember it's little steps that make a long journey...
Most dear is fire to the sons of men, most sweet the sight of the sun; good is health if one can but keep it, and to live a life without shame. (Havamal 68) http://gewessiman.blogspot.co.uk