What are you afraid of?

[djinn]

That is a big thing yeah, getting betrayed by someone you thought you were safe with!

BUT... why would anyone want to betray you? There are a lot of reasons for betrayal and a lot of ways to betray someone, but why? Is there anything to gain?

And don't you think it is just as scary for the other one to open up to you?

[Twig]

Sure it would be scary for both people. I tend to trust too easily, so I blunder into relationships full tilt boogie, not bothering to be afraid until everything is totally screwed up. I don't know if trust is my issue or not; I think I fear that my basic personality is too flawed to maintain anything lasting. The evidence has proved this to be true!

Betrayal probably comes in degrees. There is outright cheating and lying, and then there are the small betrayals of witheld information or finally seeing someone clearly (as opposed to the idealized version). Either way, there is that feeling of having been betrayed in some way.

[Zylah]

I agree, Tao - intimacy can be terrifying. I usually find I can't help myself to a degree, because I absolutely love people. I don't know why, I just can't seem to maintain a cool reserve with anyone who is either friendly or obviously wounded. It's very, very rare for me to take a dislike to anyone, and I'm totally gullible and naive.

For this reason, there are things in me, deep reserves of love, that I thought I successfully suffocated long ago. It's much safer to be incapable of loving someone so deeply they can shatter your heart into thousands of tiny shards that all pierce one another every time you move; I found this out when my first love killed himself. I heard about it, went to my room, wrote a poem, vomited until I passed out, and woke up in a hospital with a nervous breakdown. I didn't touch poetry for twelve years after that.

What I find truly terrifying is that I discovered fairly recently that I hadn't managed to kill anything, only put it into a deep sleep. Someone woke it up, and that's more frightening than anything else I know of, for what is dead feels no pain; and sure enough, the situation as it now stands is extremely painful.

It is the same on a slightly different plane with children: the ferocity and intensity of maternal love is terrifying. I almost lost my son to a systemic infection and a collapsed lung right after a premature birth; I died by inches, it felt like, until he was out of danger.

So I guess what I'm really afraid of most is pain.

And spiders. Seriously. It sounds idiotic, but I'm deadly serious.

[Tao of Pooh]

I agree, Tao - intimacy can be terrifying. I usually find I can't help myself to a degree, because I absolutely love people. I don't know why, I just can't seem to maintain a cool reserve with anyone who is either friendly or obviously wounded. It's very, very rare for me to take a dislike to anyone, and I'm totally gullible and naive.

For this reason, there are things in me, deep reserves of love, that I thought I successfully suffocated long ago. It's much safer to be incapable of loving someone so deeply they can shatter your heart into thousands of tiny shards that all pierce one another every time you move; I found this out when my first love killed himself. I heard about it, went to my room, wrote a poem, vomited until I passed out, and woke up in a hospital with a nervous breakdown. I didn't touch poetry for twelve years after that.

What I find truly terrifying is that I discovered fairly recently that I hadn't managed to kill anything, only put it into a deep sleep. Someone woke it up, and that's more frightening than anything else I know of, for what is dead feels no pain; and sure enough, the situation as it now stands is extremely painful.

It is the same on a slightly different plane with children: the ferocity and intensity of maternal love is terrifying. I almost lost my son to a systemic infection and a collapsed lung right after a premature birth; I died by inches, it felt like, until he was out of danger.

So I guess what I'm really afraid of most is pain.

And spiders. Seriously. It sounds idiotic, but I'm deadly serious.

I totally agree about the spiders!

[Tao of Pooh]

Another thing I'm afraid of...losing my job. One time I lost my job & couldn't find another one so I ended up losing my car & my home as well. That's a very real, scary thing for me.

BTW: I got fired yesterday. No warning, no reason given.

Merry eff'g Christmas y'all.

[Aelfarh]

Not trusting anybody after such an experience is therefore akin to not wanting to get addicted again, and THAT is an understandable thought, isn't it?

I think we can't stop doing things because fear of feel pain, if we behave like that, we hardly even learn to walk. There's a difference between not trusting anybody and being caution about.

I also think that love is more than a simple hormone adiction, I go with Fromm in making a distinction between being in love and to love.

[Tao of Pooh]

"Trust" & "Opinion" are not the same things to me. You give someone your trust, you don't give them their opinion. they may be related but it's not the same.

I trusted my employer if I did my job well I would continue to have a job.
I trusted my brother not to rob me.
I trusted my lover not to cheat.

[Nathair Mac Brighit]

I'm afraid to be not able to hear my interior child's voice.
And I pray every day to energize him, to cuddle him...

^^
May Brighit protect our little child inside us.

Nathair

[Twig]

"In love" is easy! Truly loving is really hard and involves a lot more risk. I'm with you , Aelfarh.

[illion]

I am afraid of the Rota-virus

Illion

[Twig]

...and the bird flu, SARS, MRSA, E Coli, etc. It's a bacterial zoo out there!

[DJ Droood]

The "readjustment" period that will follow The Collapse.

[Corvin]

Seriously. It is so tempting to post an amusing answer, but I'm after your Big Fear. And also if you think you can do something about it.

So, here goes:

i am afraid of being abandoned in a nursing home. And I have no idea what I can do about it.

Next!

I'm afraid you are correct... For lots of us this seems the way. Great insight. i recommend being nice to ones children (if one has them), having meaningful friendships, living an honest and good life. We all have a one way ticket as far as i can tell... The moment of passing comes... We all look back...

[Corvin]

Well, abandonment and pain are high on the list. Plus, I have known people who have the fear of certain animals, like whales, spiders, etc. I even have a friend who will not travel to California because she has recurring dreams of tsunamis. That is sort of like greygnomes fear of causing an accident -- the fear of something happening in a certain place. I don't think these are weird fears at all because they are real to the person having them.

You can always spot the parents -- they fear something happening to their children. Having known someone who is living through the loss of a son, I can totally understand that one. It is a huge, overwhelming fear.

Fear is a strange beast. Ignore it, and it shows up to bite you in the arse, anyway. Try to conquer it, and you usually lose. I guess we just have to "Zen" it -- be aware and just watch. Oh, sure. I can do it!

I agree with the fear of the world becoming totalitarian and having the greed heads in charge. But it isn't as "personal" of a fear, although it certainly could be if things get really nuts.

Would you blame me if i dislike the idea (not fear per say) of coming back here?

[Corvin]

The "readjustment" period that will follow The Collapse.

Appreciate the honesty.
Do not worry. He who dares wins...
If you don't you must find those who will...
And be able to reward them...
Fear can be your friend also...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6Vw402IaII 2:50

[Twig]

My first Motorhead experience, Corvin. Thanks for reassuring me that nihilism is still alive and well! I thought we had killed it in the 60's.

Stated (much) earlier by Hank Williams:

No matter how we struggle and strive,
We'll never get out of this world alive.

[DJ Droood]

My first Motorhead experience, Corvin.

Motorhead understands our issues:

I am the one, orgasmatron, the outstretched grasping hand
My image is of agony, my servants rape the land
Obsequious and arrogant, clandestine and vain
Two thousand years of misery, of torture in my name
Hypocrisy made paramount, paranoia the law
My name is called religion, sadistic, sacred whore.

I twist the truth, I rule the world, my crown is called deceit
I am the emperor of lies, you grovel at my feet
I rob you and I slaughter you, your downfall is my gain
And still you play the sycophant and revel in you pain
And all my promises are lies, all my love is hate
I am the politician, and I decide your fate

I march before a martyred world, an army for the fight
I speak of great heroic days, of victory and might
I hold a banner drenched in blood, I urge you to be brave
I lead you to your destiny, I lead you to your grave
Your bones will build my palaces, your eyes will stud my crown
For I am mars, the God of war, and I will cut you down.

[Twig]

Wow, what is the name of that song? That's a powerful piece of writing...

[DJ Droood]

Wow, what is the name of that song? That's a powerful piece of writing...

It is the unfortunately named "Orgasmatron".

[Zylah]

Wow, what is the name of that song? That's a powerful piece of writing...

It is the unfortunately named "Orgasmatron".

Wooo-hooo! LOL. That is a great song, though.