The Great Hamster Adventure-A Pub Crawl

[Underground River]

Rick woke up very suddenly. He heard a lot of noise, like people all talking at once. Then he heard the sound of bikes driving away and the sound of GD getting in a bike accident. He heard more stuff, but couldn't quite tell what it all was.
In a single instant, he was there. He had been transported by pure curiosity to the place where things were happening.
"Rick!" everybody yelled. He looked down, and saw he was on an orange bike.
GD

[Tarawoof]

Tara knew something was seriously wrong! so many scents of people here didn't match their 'faces'!!! what's going on? wondered the intrepid brave German Shepherd. And all these cats???

now a DRAGON???? whew! what a strong odor! Tara shook her head to clear it of the dragon odor.

She looked around for her hero, Rancid, but he was gone missing!
what now???? where did Rancid go?
Were the hamsters safely with him?

Back on the trail, doggedly sniffing out the answers.......

A nose in a strange land! so many new scents! Sniffing curiously at the base of the huge stones, Tara had a sense of strange white robed people gathering there..... the scent became confusing because of the gas and oil smells from several garishly colored motorbikes that were piled up in the center of the stones.... but since Tara is color blind, like other dogs, the colors didn't bother her. The smells did - they covered up the scent of the missing hamsters and her hero Rancid.

German Shephers never give up!!! dogged determination and outstanding tracking skills will win the day! Tara braced her shoulder and nosed about...

Tara sniffed a fresh scent and bounded off, hot on the trail of.................

[Kitten]

Kitten was very worried. She knew she must save GD/RD from her madness.
She also knew she had to help save the hamsters.
"GD," she said telepathically. "Answer me."
She heard mangled words in her head. GD was saying something about something.
"What?" Kitten asked. "I don't understand you. Talk to me GD."
Meanwhile, Rancid was running with the suitcase full of hamsters. He knew he must get them across the North Sea and safely to Hamsterdam. (Please don't kill me for that ok?)
He dove unhesitatingly into the cold water, swimming as only a dog can swim.
The fake KatLady knew she couldn't let the hamsters get away to Hamsterdam, if they got there they would be lost among thousands of hamsters and she wouldn't be able to find them.
She drove the bicycle group onward.
"How are we going to cross the North Sea on these bikes?" asked MC sensibly.
"I don't know," said the fake Kat.
Kitten was not looking forward to this very cold autumn swim. She had never felt comfortable around the sea and now she would have to swim who knew how far across it.
"I can't swim," said GD suddenly in English.
"Of course you can," Kitten tried to say. "You told me you took swimming lessons when you were young. You're not afraid of H2O."
GD/RD didn't seem to hear. "No," she insisted. "I can't swim. I'll drown. The sea doesn't want me, she'll kill me."
"We can't just leave her here," said MC. "She may be mad, but she's still our GD. How do we help her?"
A grey fog was rolling in over the coast, making things difficult to see. "Now this stupid fog!" screamed "kat". "How will we get anywhere in this bloody fog?!"
Rancid swam onward, for he knew time was getting short. He had to reach Hamsterdam in time!

GD

[barmybam]

Robb Hawklord suddenly turned up with enough scuba diving gear for everyone so that they could cross the sea safely. A few people offered to help GreenDruid swim across along with those who could not swim. The sea as rather rough so swimming across was getting dificult for many of the explorers, however, they carried on through determination. After an hour or so barmybam began to have an asthma attack...

[Underground River]

Everybody was trying to help Barmybam so GD was momentarily forgotten and rightly so, she was not sick and Barmybam was.
"Where's your inhaler?! MC cried.
The false Kat was having a difficult time acting like she cared about Barmybam. She just managed to force a loving smile on to her face and to tell the girl everything would be all right.
"I dropped it," Barmybam gasped. "I lost it."
She stopped speaking, for that made breathing harder.
GD was drowning. She felt the sea singing to her. She wanted to be at home with her mother the sea. She let herself slide down beneath the waves...
"GD!" screamed Saille in alarm. "Where's GD?"
Saille searched frantically for GD while the others tried to help Barmybam.
"GD!" GD heard her name being called. She didn't want to drag herself from the arms of mother sea but the voice was that of one of her friends, and she knew somewhere deep inside her maddened mind that Saille wouldn't be too happy if she drowned.
"I'll give you a hot chocolate," Saille said, suddenly calm. "If you rise up and don't drown."
GD obeyed, the hot chocolate promise something she still understood, even in her madness and the comforting depths.
She slowly came up for air.

At the exact instant GD breathed in the salty air again, Barmybam's attack subsided like a dying wave.
Weird," said somebody. "They started breathing again at the same time. I'm so glad they're both alive!"
GDD

[Tarawoof]

Tara the intrepid German Shepherd tracker followed her nose on the scent of her hero Rancid and the hamsters...... until she came to the edge of a very large body of water.... now what?

Scent doesn't carry in water! Tara became frantic and began chasing her tail in every widening circles.... until she saw a large shadow overhead! it was Snarg the Dragon! Tara wasn't sure if this was good or bad for her!

The dragon swooped down to see what this animal was doing! it looked as though the intrepid animal had lost the scent!! why was she running in circles? Puzzled the Dragon landed near Tara - whose hair was now raised so high on her back she resembled a dragon herself! Snarg asked Tara What can I do???

Tara sniffed, gave a low warning growl, bared her canines, and backed up a bit (even intrepid brave German Shepherds know when they are outsized and out flamed!) and said, Have you seen my hero Rancid and the missing hamsters?

Snarg chuckled. He knew the team of Rancid and the hamsters was well on their way to Hamsterdam, with a brief stop for refueling at Hamburg.

Hop aboard! he said to Tara.
Tara wasn't too sure about that! but she was loyal and determined in her mission, so, reluctantly, she climbed aboard the Dragon and off they went!!!!

Over the water, to a quick meal at Hamburg, and on to Hamster, where they found............

[Donata]

Meanwhile, back at the Pub, Donata nursed a sore head and thought, I knew that mead wasn't aged enough! what a headache!


Then she noticed that Tara, her German Shepherd companion, was missing! how odd! Tara was usually a faithful companion, never leaving Donata's side. Donata, in confusion, noticed that Tara had left her red rubber toy behind - she never did that before..... Donata rubbed her sore head and wondered what @#$%^ was going on!

This Pub is a very strange place, she mused.

[Wolfwalker]

As Donata turned to head for the loo, the world suddenly fell away beneath her, as she stepped into the hole through the floor of the Duck. Swept along on currents of odd colour-misted air, she abruptly bumped into Kat and Selene, Who'd just illuminated her orange pumpkin medallion to light the tunnel they were in. Seeing Gladys sprawled on the ground, beneath a hole that led upwards into a darkening sky, they utilized the unconscious troll as a step-stool and helped each other up onto the surface of the earth.
Off to one direction they could see the stones of the Henge and heavily trampled ground leading away towards the seashore. Using Kat's micro jet pack from her 007 Kat collar,they made good time, just in time to see Snarg bearing Tara off across the North Sea.
As they stood, trying to shout loudly enough to get Snarg's attention, they heard a familiar howl from above and behind them as Wolfwalker landed Chessie lightly on the grass next to them. "What's going on now?" he howled, "I went in the bushes to use the little wolfs room and when I came back out Chessie was asleep and mumbling something about Snarg, Randcid, Merle the pigeon, Esther Fodd & others all caught up in a conspiracy about hamsters... Damn!" he plucked a prickly thistle burr from his hindquarters.
"Hamsterdam!" chorused Selene and Kat in unison, "Come on Wolfie! Let's get Chessie in the air.. we have doppelgangers to catch!"
The confused Wolfwalker, moved over and grabbed his last mug of coffee from the cupholders on his saddle, as the others clambered aboard. "Chessie! Find Snarg, and Rancid!" he bellowed as Donata yelped out loud as some ofg the hot coffee splashed her bare hand. "Sorry..." he muttered as they lifted off into the mysterious dark mist that had settled over the Channel beneath them.

[Phlipp Phlopp]

Greetings!

I thought that it would be a novel idea if we paused to reflect on what has happened in the story thus far. When we first met our hero Wilmer, he had begun his search for his beloved Myrtle on his new motorbike that was built by the Druid Merlyn. Merlyn quickly pursued the small rodent to lend his assistance, followed closely by Tara, the devoted dog of none other than the Druidess Donata, the evergreen GreenDruid with her kitten “Kitten” and a sundry of other characters often found drinking the libations at the Druid’s Head and Foggy Duck pubs. Through the magic of portabella mushrooms, giant pigeons, dragons, bicycles that change color like chameleons and the nifty 007 Kat Collar with the bot X3, the heroes and heroines of our tale have managed to thus far lose the trail of the faerie hamsters and get themselves tied up in the most undignified poses. And with the help of these same items and the magnificent dragons Snarg and Chessie, they have all somehow mysteriously been transported from their perspective caves, pubs, and from Stonehenge, of all places, to the magical island of Hamsterdam. It is to Hamsterdam the faerie princess, Myrtle, and her consort, Wilmer and the 25 other FaerHams, as I affectionately refer to them, are to live hidden from the world of men. Let us not forget that the princess Myrtle has just given birth to the infant heir to the throne. In addition, lest we lose the yin/yang effect, we must remember the evil doppelgangers are hot on the trail of the FaerHams. Their evil design has yet to be revealed.

If you wish to learn more about the ancient legend of the Faerie Hamsters, I am sure that our resident Celtic Studies expert, Beith, will be more than happy to write an article for the next edition of the Faeriestone Magazine. In the meanwhile, relax and enjoy and you will know when it is time to return from the pub crawl.

[Kat Lady]

Kat Lady, the real Kat Lady, dismounted from Chessie and helped a rather dragon-sick Selene down. She moved quickly away from Selene, in case the sickly green color of Selene's face meant that Kat would soon be cleaning her fur, and stared around her at the mystical magic island of Hamsterdam. She looked at her friends, amazed that they had all made it this far through this pub crawl. She smiled at her friend Crow with a smug look as he never thought they would make it to the end. Just as she was about to say "I told you so", she was attacked from behind by nonother than Doppelganger Selene.

Crow stood, dumfounded as he watched his two friends tussle. He wasn't sure who he should cheer for. So instead, he decided to pull out his reporters pad and stubby pencil and started jotting notes of the fight he was witnessing.

Meanwhile, in the tiny hamster castle on the center of the Island of Hamsterdam, the 27 hamsters were preparing for their journey.

[Tarawoof]

Tara jumped off Snarg's back, and shook herself all over vigorously from nose to tail a few times. There! much better!

She looked about her.... and saw a beautiful woods! then she realized that the woods were full of Faeries!!! She panted in excitement and frantically looked about for her red rubber toy! It wasn't with her! (those who know Tara know she ALWAYS has her toy!)

Tara barked and yipped excitedly to greet the Faeries of Hamsterdam woods! she knew they were related to her friends, the Faeries of Verne Nemeton woods since all the Fey Folk are.

After fearfully scattering in all directions, the Faeries and Faerie Hamsters recognized Tara and realized her bark was worse than her bite. Their cousins of Verne Nemeton had told them about the fun they had playing with her back home! They could throw sticks for hours and Tara never tired of running after them and bringing them back to be thrown again and again and again....... they threw a couple of sticks for her now..... Snarg misunderstood and thought they were attacking Tara so as the sticks flew through the air the dragon rose up and flamed them before they could reach Tara.

The intrepid but now confused Tara began to chase her tail again.... and as she did she discovered a new scent! She sniffed a bit more and was hot on the trail, tracking the scent (as a German Shepherd Tara was of course an excellent tracker) to the castle deep in the woods where she found Mytle and the baby FairHams. With much tail wagging and sniffing (and a little enthusiastic jumping) Tara rejoined her missing friends. She had found them! she knew she would be successful. Now that she found them, what should she do? Where was her hero Rancid?

And then suddenly.........................

[Donata]

Still feeling dazed from the fall, and from hitting her head, Donata looked about her. She had thought she was having a farewell drink in the Pub with friends before her flight to UK on Wed.....

Yet somehow as she looked about her she discovered she was at Stonehenge! and so was a pile of very brightly colored bikes! huh??? How did I get here, she wondered?
She had planned to take a valerian and sleep on the plane.... is that what happned?

As she stood up she saw she was holding Tara's red rubber toy. Where was her intrepid companion??? If I'm in the UK already, is Tara at the kennel? she mused. Somehow that didn't feel right at all. And where was her magick Wand? she knew she had it before everything went black.

She muttered to herslef, 'This is all so confusing! I feel as though I'm in a story and don't know the plot! Is it jet lag?'

She rubbed her head and looked about a bit more...................

[Wolfwalker]

Meanwhile on Hamsterdam, Crow looked up from his writing just in time to see the doppelganger Donata raising the real Donata's wand pointing it at Kat, who was gradually winning the battle against the still airsick doppelganger Selene! Dropping pencil and pad he shot through the air, a blur of black feathers, ripping the wand from the fake Donata, and tossing it to Chessie for safekeeping. Chessie in her delight acidentally swallowed and burped a stream of brilliantly coloured sparks and flame-balls in all directions. The crowd of druids just reaching the beach in Hawky's diving gear saw the explosion and started bravely forward, knowing powerful magic was afoot. Chessie was belching in techniclour as Wolfwalker leapt into the saddle, howling at Chessie to lift off and hover above the island as a signal to the other rescuers... The slightly dizzy firework-like dragon managed to do as told, the bursts of colour illuminating the scene below as the druid rescuers all tumbled into the clearing in time for the ones at the front to quickly grasp that there were doubles of some of their number present... "Grab that Kat!" yelled Crow bravely as he swooped over Doppelganger Kat's head... "the real one is wearing the 007 collar! And that's not the real Donata either!"
As the two troublemakers were seized by members of the Magical Investigation Squad (no one was sure after how they got into the group, but...) the doppelgangers who were among the crowd had overplayed their act a little too much, starting forwards just a moment before the MIS officers laid hold of the twosome. Alferian, arriving fashionably late noticed and shouted out, "behind you! There's several more of those frauds!" Everone seemed to be ducking at once, as wand blasts lit the ground while the dragonish lightshow continued overhead.

[Tarawoof]

Tara, the ever intrepid German Shepherd, looked around in confusion. That LOOKED like her human over there but the scent was wrong! No sage! no sweetgrass! no cedar! Tara trusted her nose to sort it all out. For sure, that was not her human, Donata!!

Tara growled and attacked! No one can pretend to be her human! her job is protection! ( as a German Shepherd Tara is naturally an outstanding guard dog and will leap to the defense of her human!) The doppelganger Donata screamed! and suddenly vanished - along with the two members of the MIS who were holding her.

Tara wagged her tail in satisfaction! she had saved her human..... uh..... just where was her human???? and where oh where was her red rubber toy? her mood of self satisfaction left her and her ears flopped down in despair.

Tara ducked as the magick wand set off more explosions! She recognized those particular flashes of light - this was Donata's magick wand!
Tara was very accustomed to having it go off at odd times

Where was Donata? where were all her friends? what happened to them?

Alferian kindly stopped in his rush to scratch behind Tara's ears. "Good dog" he said, "it will all come out all right. You'll see!" Tara licked his hand gratefully.

Tara decided there really was nothing more she could do just now so she sniffed around for something to eat. She saw a Crow flying about and began to move towards him.....

Meanwhile..................

[Donata]

Donata shook her head - ouch! it still hurt! She was feeling very groggy but assumed it was jet lag. She had to get to Glasgow! She had to be at Druidcon!

Donata got up, and began walking out of Stonehenge - how did she get here? She meant to be in Scotland! Did she take Tara to the kennel? she must have! but why did she keep Tara's red rubber toy? she meant to leave that at the kennel.

Still confused, and wondering about the strange dream she had - it must have been a dream! hamsters on motorbikes! dragons! TARA riding on a dragon????? whew!
She vowed to never never again drink with her friends in the Pub the day before a flight! She determined to put the whole thing behind her.

Donata slowly staggered off to Glasgow to meet her friends at Druidcon.

[Underground River]

GD/RD was still not herself. She was having a heck of a time speaking anything that made sense to anybody. Her Dutch was still coming out as computer sounding, and her English would not come.
Suddenly, she heard a voice in her head. "Goedendag," a hamster said. (Good day.)
Suddenly all the madness left her and she answered, "Goedendag". She was astonished to hear herself make the dreaded g sound.
"Now you are free," said the hamster in English. "I thought you might need a little help getting that spell off you."
"Thank you," was all GD could say.
"You are back!" Kitten said in her mind. "That mean fake KatLady. That hamster finally got the bloody spell off you!"
To this day, the hamsters of Hamsterdam and the kittens of Canada are best friends. Kittens might try and hunt hamsters, but not GreenEyes or her friends.
As the people began to be rescued, they all found out who was doubled and who was not. The real Crow had a notebook full of a lot of information he knew the public would want to hear about this adventure.
Suddenly, a current of warm air from the wand-crazy dragon picked the notebook out of his hands and before his startled eyes, carried it upward and with a tiny splash, dumped it into the sea...
"My notebook!" screamed Crow. "You mean dragon..."
"It wasn't his fault, he didn't do it on purpose," somebody started to say.
"Never mind that," said Crow. "I'll just write a story from what I remember and it will not be very nice to you annoying dragons."
"Ok," said a rescuer calmly. "Everybody on to the boat. We'll take you to the real Amsterdam then you can catch a plane home."
"I'm staying," said GD. "In Amsterdam that is. I need a vacation and I am right in one of the countries I was going to visit."
When the boat landed in Amsterdam, GD and all her Dutch friends got off and they showed her around the city.
"Where did all the imposters go?" asked MC as the boat pulled away leaving them all on the shore.
"I think they all got away," said the real Kat. "I hope they don't come back. People still look at me mistrustfully. That Crow thinks we are all not to be trusted anyway. We don't need doubles of everybody to make that all worse."
The headline in the next day's Pagan Press was
"Dragon's Double Torches Important Document and Burries the Evidence in the Sea off the Island of Hamsterdam (full story on page 2).
(yeah yeah, I know, I'm terrible with newspaper headlines.)
The real Selene phoned Glasgo and told the real Donata where her dog really was and that Tara was in the real Amsterdam and Donata could come collect her at the kennel there.
Donata was very angry because she had missed all the fun, but she was happy her dog was safe and somebody had bought her a new toy so she wasn't bored.
Everybody gradually flew home, most on dragons, some by plane, and some by mysterious means nobody really understands.
GD stayed in the Netherlands for a month, having a blast and learning to speak Dutch so she would never mangle it again.
She finally went off to visit the rest of Europe and when she got home 2 months later, most people didn't even recognize her.
Gladys got the pub fixed. She was mad that Lorraine wasn't there to help fix what needed to be fixed, but the job got done and the pub's floors were polished and gleamed until the next time everybody broke them.
The hamsters all now lived in Hamsterdam. They sometimes left to visit their friends, especially that dog Rancid who really was a good dog underneath all his ferocious exterior.
Kitten traveled around Europe in GD's pocket, meowing at odd moments to startle unsuspecting passers-by.
Her ends the story of good friends, hamsters, and dogs not to mension dragons.
May the fire keep you warm through the rest of the night while you drink yourselves silly. Remember, tomorrow's work!
GD

[Donata]

Donata sorted it all out. Tara went to the kennel near her home, happy to play all the other intrepid brave German Shepherd at the kennel. Sad to say, she forgot all about Rancid!

Donata flew off - by plane this time - to Druidcon where she had a wonderful time meeting old and new friends and looking forward to rejoining her friends at the Pub.

Tara stopped chasing her tail and wrestling with the other German Shepherds, and chewed on her new toy.
......

Overhead a dragon sailed lazily through the sky over Stonehenge..... looking down he spotted something odd in the midst of the stones - swooping lower he saw that it was a strange red rubber object

Oh well he sighed. Spreading his magnificient blue-green iridescent wings, he flew on.

[Snarg]

With a deep sigh, Snarg turned back around and decided to pick up the red rubber object. You never know when you might need such an object after all. He landed in the center of the great stone circle and had just picked up the red rubber object when he was greeted by a man of great presence wearing the most odd looking shoes on his feet. He smiled at Snarg and said...

[Phlipp Phlopp]

It is time to return from the Pub Crawl. Take a moment to connect with the present and reflect on the experience.

[Wilmer]

Wilmer looked at his ever increasing offspring, his arm around Myrtle and thought about all that had happened. He learned many things from this experience. He learned that Rancid would not really eat him and that Crow, as mean as he seemed, really was mean. He learned that Wizards like Merlyn really do like ZZ Top and wolves should never allow dragons to eat wands. He learned that bicycles do not belong in caves and that doppelgangers are not nice. And in the process he learned a little dutch, how to grow hibisucs and that Beith really did know a lot about Faerie Hamsters. And he made some very nice friends.

As he stood there, Snarg appeared over the horizon and gently touched down near the Hamster family. He dropped the red rubber object at Wilmer's feet and said, "Your mission, should you choose to accept it..." and smiled his big toothy smile.

Wilmer looked at Myrtle, her faerie wings shimmering in the Hamsterdam moonlight. She smiled at him and said, "We will be fine for a while. Go save the humans again." So he gave her a great Hamster hug, put on his aviator goggles and scarf and jumped onto the great dragon's back. And the two of them flew west for adventures unknown.

THE END