Pub Crawl: Bardic Duel in the Druid's head!

[Beith]

It was quiet in the Pub.
The fires of previous days had died out and the hearth was left with glowing embers.

Tinne strolled in. "I'm looking for the Truth" he announced.
"You want the Truth?" yelled a guy in American military uniform "You can't handle the Truth!"
Tinne backed away from him.
"Who's the drunk?" he whispered to Bardic Bill
"oh- that's Jack" replied Bill, "he's on a film break and has been in here for the last 3 days, drinking tequila and shouting about the Truth"

There was a scuffle in the doorway as two FBI agents rushed in.
"You're looking for the truth?" panted the male agent, and leaned closer to Tinne with a far-away look in his eye.
" The truth is out there " whispered Mulder, "Trust No-one".
"err Right" replied Tinne, unhitching Mulder's hand from his collar. "Oh look - UFOs!"
He stepped aside to avoid being run over by the FBI agents. The door slammed behind them.

"Strange folks" thought Tinne as he settled himself beside two Men In Black at the bar.
"you've seen a UFO?" asked the older of the two, staring intently at him. "Look into this for me"
Tinne stared at the sleek silver object.
"Nice Pen--flashy thing-ooH!" he gasped, as he recoiled from the bright flash and forgot all about the quest for the Truth.

"HiHowarrrrya? D'ye rememberrrrrrrr me? I'll have a wee dram and a deep fried Marrrrrs Barrrrr - if yer buyin'? " lilted a bonny lass in a tartan kilt and tammy.
"err....who's she?" whispered Tinne to Merlyn, looking mildly perplexed.
"That's Bean Drui" said Merlyn "she's been in Scotland for a while"
They proceded to watch as Bean Drui got into an argument with the bar man over lack of haggis on the menu.
"oooh!" exclaimed Tinne
"That was nasty" agreed Merlyn "Never seen a girl head-butt like that before"
"They call it the Glasgow handshake" explained Tinne. "It's a sort of greeting up there".

The smell of singed hair, skin and clothes drifted around the room.
"What is that?" asked Merlyn "something new on the menu?"
"I think it's them" said Tinne, pointing to a group of charred wizards, sorcerers, druids sitting in the corner, drinking all the cold-filtered beer they could handle.
A smoke-blackened figure approached the bar. Steam rose from it's shoulders and hair and cape.
"I'll..<wheeze> have a...<wheeze> large iced-tea please?" said the figure, coughing smoke rings into the air

"Beith? is that you?" asked Tinne
"mmm?--ouch!" replied Beith, burning her fingers on her forehead as she pushed her hair away from her eyes. "Yes"
"look at her feet!" exclaimed Merlyn
They stared down at elegant pointy cloven hooves with goatskin trim.
"Do you like them?" asked Beith "they didn't have them in snake-skin, and I wanted them in pink"
"They're hooves" said Tinne solemnly.
"But they're very "this season"" replied Beith "all she-devils are wearing them this year"
"what on earth's happened?" asked Tinne "and your outfit is a tad..er...revealing"
"been to hell" replied Beith "second level - where the lustful are sent. I borrowed this from Cleopatra. she said it worked a treat on Mark Anthony"
"I'll bet" grinned Merlyn "I didn't know sequined rubber bikinis were de rigeur in hell"
"only in level 2" replied Beith "snakes and weird bird-type creatures are the accessories this year in Dis and beyond" she explained
"What are you talking about?" asked Nighthawk, fluttering in
"The inferno test" said Beith "It's on the notice board in the Pub. Don't do it. It's a trap. It's a portal to hell - there! see?!"
They followed her gaze towards the wall. Azrienoch was reading a questionnaire on the wall and suddenly disappeared in a puff of smoke.
"Where's he gone?" chorused Tinne and Merlyn in time
"7th level probably" replied Kernos choking through smoke and flames "I passed him on my way back up"
"they let you out to go to a pub?" inquired Tinne, disbelievingly
"Yep" said Kernos. "They approve of pubs. They think it's good for the soul"
"losing it that is" said Beith with a grimace.

Their banter was interrupted by a passing salesman.
"Ogham staves. Get your ogham staves here!"
"Isn't that Oakwyse?" asked Beith
"yes" replied Frank of the Nobod lists "he's spotted a new niche in the market and selling his works"
"But I thought he was a poet?" questioned NightHawk
"I am!" called Oakwyse, from behind her. He drew a deep breath and burst forth in rhyme:

"I am a man of many tricks
Not least of all my ogham sticks
and rhyming though my hobby be,
Man cannot live on words you see.
So I turn to marketry
- buy one set and get one free!"

and with that he whipped open his coat tails and displayed his wares.

"eek!" yelled Nighthawk, unused to sudden exposure to woodcraft. She fluttered to the rafters for a birds eye view.
"Are you sure you should be selling those in here?" asked Merlyn
"Why not? replied Oakwyse
"Well - it's Alferian's patch for one thing?" said Tinne. "he's terribly protective of his market---too late"

"You!" shouted Alferian, materializing in a haze of smoke.
"Has he been to hell too?" whispered Beith
"no - just Minnesota" replied Merlyn. "I 'd get out of the way now I think"
They cleared the decks. A clatter of barstools alerted the punters to a pub brawl. Space was cleared, tickets were sold and betting odds established.

Alferian drew his staff up and aimed it at the White Wizard of woodcraft.
Oakwyse pulled out a hazel rod and pointed it at Alferian, resplendant in his grey robes and floppy hat.
They circled each other as warring wizards.

"You've taken my trade!" shouted Alferian
"The challenge is made" replied Oakwyse
"Do you have to speak in rhyme" countered the grey wizard
"only all the bloody time" replied Oakwyse

"Very well, a bardic duel begins
- the first to fail in rhyming wins!" sneered Alferian, choosing a birch wand from his arsenal.

Oakwyse drew out the beith-stave from his DIY Ogham (TM) kit.

"I call the power of rhyme and metre
of beats in iambic pentameter
of the power of rhyme and assonance
-You don't stand a bloody chance!"

"This is getting interesting" said Craig, sidling up for a better view of the duel and ordering a flagon of cider and popcorn.

"Will the white wizard or the grey wizard win?" asked two small hobbits from somewhere near the floor. "Lift us up, we can't see!"
"Shhh!" hushed Tinne, "They're going for it now"

Alferian stood on one foot , closed one eye and pointed at his rival and chanted.

- "Oakwyse is for it now" said Craig - that's the crane spell he's doing
-"I'm not so sure" said Beith, watching oakwyse take out the Dark Spell (TM) blackthorn stave with matching thorn set and a small clay effigy of Alfers. "It looks like Oak's about to perform the Glám Dícenn"
Money rapidly changed hands amid the betting punters.

"You called me an Assonance!" shouted Alferian
"I said nothing of the sort!" replied Oakwyse "Oops!"

"Oakwyse forfeits. That last line was not in rhyme" decreed a referee springing out of nowhere. "Only Bardwood crafts (R) to be sold in this pub".

Oakwyse grumbled something else about an Assonance and disappeared in an haze of hostile hyperbole and acerbic allusive aggressive alliteration.

"Wow - that was some exit!" cheered Tinne "those last few words were unDogly. Or is that unGodly? I'm a dyslexic. I hate poetry"

"Well everything seems quiet in the pub now" said Merlyn "shall we take the chance to have a quiet beer?
"order iced-smirnoff for me" coughed a burning figure from his left hand side.

"Oh Azrienoch it's you!" smiled Alferian, approaching the bar for the Champion's portion "no time for drinks I'm afraid - get back to your work at Bardwood Crafts (R) "

"But I..." coughed Azrienoch in protest
"No buts! " said Alferian "Bad apprentices go straight to hell you know."

"I don't think that's the truth" said another figure, wreathed in smoke.
"Who cares about the Truth?" asked Alferian "a few little white lies never hurt anyone did they? Oh dear-what the devil is going--?" he yelled as he disappeared.

"Where'd he go?" asked Tinne
"Third level, probably" replied Kernos.

"Who spoke to him anyway?" asked Beith "I didn't recognise that guy"

They turned towards the bar where the shadowy figure had been.

But the Smoking Man had gone.

----------------------------------------
I'm bored on a friday night and this is what happens! - Beith!

[Willowhawk]

Cheers!!!!

This is fabulous, Beith!!

[Alferian]

You are too much, Beith! I am smoking a C.A.O. L'Anniversaire maduro and rolling on the floor (kids, don't try this at home).

Say, I'd like to see you write up the final draft of the Avalon College business plan in iambic pentameter. That would impress the investors for sure.

-- Alfers

[Azrienoch]

I just stopped laughing. That was delightful, Beith! Horay! Cheers!

[Niht-Wyrd]

"What is it with Americans and smoking two drags of a ciggy, then putting it out?" asked Craig picking up a barely touched Marlboro dog-end and sparking it back into life.

"Dunno??" said Barry (the hobbit), scampering around the floor frenziedly gathering the remaining Marlboros, "but this stuff beats pipe-weed any day!"

Billy (the other hobbit) was politely standing by other cigarette smoking Americans, and offering a rather large ashtray to them as soon as they had lit up.

One of the Men in Black stood up from the bar.

"Do you have a geetar madam?" he asked Gladys in a deep husky voice. She mumbled something about "BLEEDIN’ PUB", "GEETAR" and "SUN DON’T SHINE!" and then slapped a half eaten banjo on the bar.

"That’s Johnny Ca.....!" Craig almost said, and double checked to see if Beith was still around.

"Nothing to do with me this time," she shrugged back, the rubber bikini looking dangerously like it was about to melt.

ba-dah-dah... dat-de-dat, de-dat, dah-dah-dah.........."Love....... is a burnin’ thang" dat-de-dat, de-dat, dah-dah-dah "It makes........ a fiery ring" de-dat, de-dat, dah-dah-dah.........

"Ey-up!" exclaimed Merlyn, "Gladys, he’s trying to poison the food again!"

Tinne nearly made a comment about the food, but eyed Gladys warily. Instead, he made a dash for the Dark Lord, and then forgot half way there, "Nice flashy penny thingy!" he smiled to himself.

Beith immediately began to chant in ancient Carrollian...

"From Nashervilley Bandersnatch,
to Blackerspool and flatley caps,
from Man in Black,
t’ man in’th hat,
and go galumphing back!"

She clicked her cloven heels twice.

There was a large crackle, followed by a series of sparks, followed by a swirl of smoke, followed by a rather high pitched, "he-he-he, turned out nice again!" emanating from the centre of it all.

As the smoke dispersed, the pub waited anxiously to see the result of Beith’s spell.

There, where the Dark Lord had once been, stood the diminutive figure of a man wearing a suit, with slicked-back Brylcreem hair, and a tombstone tooth grin as wide as the grille on a Yankee Buick. He began to giggle again, strummed the banjo and started singing about "cleanin’ windows!" Gladys was about to take exception to this slur, but before she had chance, found her feet were tapping almost in time to the dainty little tune. She let it pass.

[Guest]

"Quick, in here!" OakWyse called.

He, Alferian, and Azrienoch ducked into the back yard at RavenOak and made for the safety of the Solar Garden. Once in side the Circle of Stones, Alferian took out his own wand and cast a protective circle.

"That was close," Oak said.

"Who was it?" asked Alferian.

"Everyone knows you and I wouldn't engage in such a battle against each other," Oak replied. "It must be that She-Devil, Beith!" Azrienoch hurridly cast a second circle.

OakWyse opened his Crane Bag and began placing Ogham Staves around the perimeter, uttering a powerful charm . . .

OakWyse Utters an Ogham Charm

"Beginning of Birch, to lead the way,
Magic of Rowan, this charm to say,
Protection of Alder, in the deep,
Passage of Willow in dream of sleep;
Integration of Ash between the worlds,
And so the Ogham Charm unfurls.

"Chastity of Hawthorn, purging well,
Door of Oak, where many dwell,
Balance of Holly, in battle strong,
Wisdom of Hazel, Salmon-song;
Apple's Choice, abundance brings,
As this Charm of Ogham sings.

"Intuition gives the Vine,
While Ivy's Spirals intertwine;
Cleansing Broom sweeps spirits clean,
For Fate of Blackthorn to be seen;
Renewal of Elder turns aside
All that may with Death abide.

"Vision of Fir is true and tall,
And Gorse now sweetly Gathers all;
Healing Heather, grounding fast,
Aspen warding, Shields at last;
Yew Eternity portends,
Though this Charm of Ogham ends.

"Community of Grove instructs all hearts,
Delight of Spindle, insight imparts;
Secret of Honeysuckle guards the way,
Where ancient Knowledge of Beech holds sway;
The power of this Charm shall be
As Vast and endless as the Sea."

"There, let's see her get through that," Oak concluded.

Azrienoch popped open a bottle of mead, and the three wizards sat down to tea.

[Fitheach]

A circle of ravens, flying high
All these antics, they did spy.
Flying down for a closer look,
they took notes for their own book.

A Raven's Book of Shadows
now contains
Oakwyses' secret ogham spell
for bird brains!

And of course,
their favorite tomes include
The Wondrous Works of Beith
a writer of great magnitude.

[Azrienoch]

The storyteller gives a jolly laugh, and the listeners join in on the chuckle.The campfire starts to die down, so the group decides to gather more wood. They aren't going to let the storyteller rest yet, they want more!
So the storyteller wipes the smile off of his face, and leans toward the fire. He warms his hands, staring into the flames as they lick the sky.
And he looks up and around the circle, two dozen faces are looking back at him, anxiously awaiting the continuation of the story.

[Jenn]

Wow....this sure has been fun to read!!!!!

Great job!!!!
Jenn

[Brigantiorum Jihana]

Hecky Thump! I didn't know George Formby was a Druid!

Jihana

[CúChulainn]

This is really interesting to read!

[BardicBill]

So the scene is set
As we all sit around the bar, patiently waiting for the next inferno, a rythme sets up as everyone starts to beat on thier own little drums
George soon picks up the beat, it sounds something like "House of the Rising Sun", as BardicBill starts to sing

There is a pub in cyberspace
Its known as the "Druids Head"
Where people come from near & far
To hear whats being said

Sometimes the topics are lively
Usually we all have fun
And Gladys extends a welcome
To each & everyone ..............



Over to you folks
Love & Peace
Bill

[LadyMoonChaser]

just wonderful!!!

I'm sorry i have nothing to add
only to say that i am very glad
that somehow i landed in this magical place
without ever having to leave my own space
so all i can say is that i am totally awed
and so to you all i must greatly applaud!!!


Sweet love & Blessings

[Beith]

[Ref: post by Oakwyse above]

"Quick, in here!" OakWyse called. He, Alferian, and Azrienoch ducked into the back yard at RavenOak and made for the safety of the Solar Garden. Once in side the Circle of Stones, Alferian took out his own wand and cast a protective circle.
"That was close," Oak said.
"Who was it?" asked Alferian.
"Everyone knows you and I wouldn't engage in such a battle against each other," Oak replied.
"It must be that She-Devil, Beith!" Azrienoch hurridly cast a second circle.

OakWyse opened his Crane Bag and began placing Ogham Staves around the perimeter, uttering a powerful charm . . .
"There, let's see her get through that" Oak concluded.
Azrienoch popped open a bottle of mead, and the three wizards sat down to tea.

There was a loud "POP" and the 3 wizards looked up.
"Sounds promising" smiled Alferian, the first flecks of saliva appearing on his moustache in anticipation of Breton mead.

"Err...that wasn't me. I haven't finished uncorking the bottle" replied Azrienoch, a little uncertainly. He fiddled with the lid of the flask but it still refused to budge.

"May I be of help with that?" purred a voice from over their shoulders.
"Oh certainly. Thanks" said Azrienoch handing over the bottle, which disappeared to thin air.
He spun around realizing neither Oakwyse nor Alferian had spoken.
"Who said that?! and where are you?"

"RIGHT HERE!" growled Beith, manifesting behind a near-molten rock and disentangling beech, alder and broom from her flaming hair. "This bloody spindle is a right pain" she moaned, untwisting the knots. "Those ogham staves really hurt".

"EEEEK!" shrieked the wizards

"How did you get past my ogham charm?" asked Oakwyse, shocked.
"And the double protective circles?" inquired Alferian, suddenly losing his taste for mead.

"I just hopped over 'em"replied Beith "with these-"
She pirouetted on her cloven heels.
"Nice shoes" said Azrienoch, forgetting himself.
"Oh good! Glad you like them" smiled Beith, then coughed, wheezed and smiled again through the sulphurous flames.
"I was afraid they were a bit-y'know- "last incarnation" she whispered conspiratorially “- and I wouldn't be caught dead wearing anything from a former life. Do you like the wedge heel?"
She spun again.
This time her head went in the same direction.

"err...pardon the interruption" said Oakwyse, "but aren't we overlooking the fact that
(a) you appear to be a devil, Beith; and
(b) you managed to avert the power of 2 protective circles and my ogham staves ?" he mumbled gloomily. "I don't know whether to exorcise you or ask you how you did it?"

"oh Oaky, don't be so upset – circle hopping’s just a little trick they taught me down there – annoys the hell out of ceremonial magicians when they try to banish their demons...- if you’ll pardon the pun?”. Beith grinned like a shark.

“and I’m not much of a devil. I just took that hellish Inferno test – and got sent below. That’s the last time I give in to temptation” she pouted, "...unless I really can’t resist it”. A mischievous smile flicked at her lips. Alferian could have sworn he saw a forked tongue.

Azrienoch stared at her head.

“y…you...you’ve got horns!” he stammered “and they glow!”
“Sequins” replied Beith, inspecting a talon nonchalantly. “Winter collection 2004”.

“Very well Beith, glad you’ve got the outfit sorted” chipped Alferian “but that does seem to make you a devil and therefore an aberration of nature and the divine – and so I’m not sure we want you in our company, so if you’ll just be running along…..”

“Oh c’mon Alferian” sighed Beith “don’t be so literalist. Demons are people too y’know. Now gimme that mead, I’m on fire with this thirst.”

“yes and a hell hound is for life and not just for Christmas” snapped Oakwyse. “How the hell-oops!- in God’s na-oops!...How on earth did you get through the ogham charm?” sighed Oakwyse, thankful there was a non-blasphemous pagan way of expressing oneself.

“easy peasy” grinned Beith “it only works if you say it in gaelic”

Alferian pulled out a Dark Magic ™ blackthorn wand and began to trace an anticlockwise circle around Beith.
“Begone!” he commanded.
“Nope!” said Beith
“BEGONE! repeated Oakwyse, in his ministerial tones.
“nah-ha” replied Beith, shaking her head. Azrienoch quietly admired the sequins.
“GET THEE HENCE!” commanded Oakwyse
“I told ya- I’m going nowhere til I’ve had a drink” retorted Beith testily “My throat’s on fire”.
“I’ll bet” surmised Alferian, looking at her through the flames. She reminded him of his alchemist’s lab.
“ARE YOU TRYING TO TEMPT ME DEMON?” shouted Oakwyse
“No! I’m trying to get a bloody drink!” yelled Beith “and could you lower your voice a bit – they can hear you in Hades!”

The three wizards joined forces encircling her. Alferian took care to pull back his robe - velvet scorches terribly. They foraged for their weapons in their pouches. Oakwyse fiddled with his ogham set.
“Is that a wand in your crane bag or are you just pleased to see me?” grinned Beith devilishly.
The senior wizards raised a Dark Magic Blackthorn ™ wand and Banishing Birch Branch ™ each. Oakwyse clutched a rowan stave in his left hand for extra protection. His bell, book and candle were at home.

They began a chant:
“By the sacred power of three
of blackthorn and birch and rowan tree
by our command we banish thee!” they cried and looked towards the apprentice to complete.
“And Get thee hence to a nunnery!” chimed Azrienoch and instantly shut up again.

“Monty python? Now?” glared Alferian at his cowering apprentice.
“it rhymed” said Arzrienoch, blushing.

“Look boys” said Beith “I really don’t have time for all this pageantry. I’ve got 3 possessions scheduled for this afternoon, a quick temptation over lunch and I’m waaay behind in stealing of unbaptized souls….so if you’ll just pour me a drink …”

“We don’t do deals with the devil!” shouted Oakwyse
“Then you’re stuck with me!” replied Beith. “-you must be in torment” she giggled.

“What was that about banishing through gaelic?” whispered Azrienoch.
Alferian smiled and rummaged in his Crane bag. He pulled out a bottle and took a swig, then offered it to Oakwyse who did the same.

“Gimme a drink!” ordered Beith
“Cén deoch atá ag teastáil leat?” [which drink do you want?] asked Oakwyse as Alferian furtively placed a circle of ogham staves around Beith .

“Mead!” said Beith “Gimme some me-“ she stopped as the light of realization dawned. “Oops!”

“Amach leat!” [Away with you] yelled Alferian, pointing the blackthorn wand at her.

There was a a fizzle of quenched flames. A “POP!” and Beith was gone.

“What was in that bottle?”asked Azrienoch
“Tullamore Dew” grinned Alferian. “Irish whiskey will have you speaking gaelic in no time!”

….Somewhere in the furthest reaches of Level 2 hell where the lustful are damned………

“Just like that?” asked Cleopatra
“How rude” agreed Helen of Troy, stroking a small wooden toy horse.
“yes “ said Beith “and those staves really hurt I can tell you. I think I even broke a nail”
She filed her talons against the wall. On the far side some lost souls writhed in torment at the noise.
“And he never even offered me a drop of the rare stuff” continued Beith “That’s the clergy for you”.
“That’s shocking” said Nimue, reclining on a chaise-longue. “I thought Oakey was more pagan than that”
“Apparently not. And I hear he keeps his tabernacle wine well locked up” said Beith as she stood up.
“Where are you going?” the she-devils asked
“To get some damn whiskey!” replied Beith.

They nodded approvingly at the choice language.

“But this is den of the Lustful” replied Cleo, “there’s no drink here”

“I’ll try Temptation then” said Beith “I hear Old Jack Daniels is in the cell next door”.

[Azrienoch]

I love it! More, MORE!!!

[Alferian]

Alferian shook his blackthorn wand till the flames went out and then held it smoldering, pensively looking at the little circle of mushrooms where Beith had disappeared.
"You know, we're never going to get to the bottom of this unless we go back in there after her and transform her back to her old self."

"What? To Hell? Are you barmy?" said Azrienoch forgetting himself. The barn owl on Alferian's shoulder turned her head and gave the lad a cold stare.

"Where were we before when we popped down into the Infernal Regions?" mused OakWye.

Alferian pursed his lips and pocketed the blackthorn wand inside his black robe. The alchemical sigils glittered over its surface as if they were made of moonlight. "The 8th Circle. Don't you remember that fellow who wouldn't stop nattering on about True Druidry? Gods! I thought we'd never get away."

"Was that what he was saying?" asked Azrienoch. I couldn't understand him.

"He was speaking in Welsh," said Oakwyse. "I could swear I've seen him in the pub before."

"You are correct, but don't swear. It's unbecoming in a clergyman. He pops in now and again to rant and refuses to answer any questions about his origins. Now we know why..."

"Oh, you mean Him?" said Azrienoch, a glimmer of recollection dawning on his face. "He talked my leg off once." The apprentice rubbed his left leg and winced painfully. The two older wizards and the owl eyed him.

"Well..." hedged the lad. "I got better."

"We're wasting time and precious bandwidth. Beith is consigned to the Second Circle -- the one for the Lustful. Quite a comfy place actually, as I recall. The armchairs! Rich Corinthian leather!! The Huge... tracts of land!!!!"

Oakwyse smacked Alferian's cheek. "Snap out of it, man."

"Thanks, I needed that. Right. Whose with me?"

The others took a deep breath and nodded soberly.

"Azrienoch, give me my Linden wand. It's the only thing for the bailiwick of Aphrodite."

The apprentice hastily put out his cigarette and dug in a large golf bag he had been carrying on his shoulder. Oakwyse peered over his shoulder at the highly polished wands of every imaginable wood. Azrienoch took out one from its silk sleeve; it was long and gnarled and bore a sharp crystal in its forked end. The crystal flared with inner fire.

"You have a putter in there."
"What?" said Alferian, wiping Tullamore Dew from his lips. "Oh, yes. Well, you never know."

He swished the wand a couple of times as the others took a last nip from the pewter flask. Oakwyse smacked his lips appreciatively. "Well, it isn't Scotch, but it isn't bad," he said. "Just a minute, though. If we are going into the Inferno, we'll need something even stronger than ogham sticks."

Alferian gave him a quizzical look and the barn owl narrowed its eyes. "You don't mean...."

Oakwyse reached deep into the folds of his voluminous white cloak, wrestled with something for a moment, and the produced...

"Zounds!" said Alferian, setting his owl fluttering and hooing in annoyance. "Holy, freakin ---" said Azrienoch shielding his eyes.

Oakwyse smiled wickedly as he stroked the bagpipes. Then began fiddling with the drones.

"Right!" said Alferian, and they stepped into the circle of mushrooms....

[Warrior/Bard]

~~~BUUUUUUUUUUURP~~~and a puff of smoke.

Until now, no-one had noticed the shadowy figure in the far corner of the pub.He abruptly stood up,and staggerd to the door mumbling
something about how much work sucks,and that he wished he had more time to spin yarns and form bonds.Blah blah blah.And he was gone.
Silence filled the pub for a moment,and~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[Guest]

OakWyse, Alferian, Azrienoch, and an unnoticed blurb of smoke stepped into the mushroom circle. Oak hefted the pipes under his left arm, and with the lungs of three men filled the bag with one blow. The drones sang out in divine harmony.

"She's an Irish devil," Alferian reminded them all as the E rang out of the chanter, "Give us something Irish, Oak." He was still largely under the effects of the Tullamore.

G grace note on E, low A, a D-throw, and Oak was into "The Minstrel Lad" with a vengeance.

Alferian and Azrienoch picked up the vocal:

"The minstrel lad to war has gone,
in the ranks of death you'll find him.
His father's sword he hath girded on,
and his wild harp slung behind him!

'Land of Song!' cried the Warrior Bard . . . "

"Did someone say "Warrior Bard?"

The three wizards stopped in unison, the drones oozing air and dying like old geese.

Azrienoch trembled. "It came from that blurb of smoke!" he said.

Again the smoke spoke: "Did someone say Warrior Bard?"

"BUUUUURRRRPP"

Out of the smoke Warrior/Bard appeaered, a bit dazed.
"I don't think I'm at work,' he mused, but where am I?"

"It's getting pretty damned crowded in this mushroom circle," Alferian growled.

OakWyse, meanwhile, was thinking about fin-de-siecle heels and sparkling talons. He took a deep breath . . .

"WWWHHHHHAAAAAAAAAA,

EEEE-UM, B-DYAHHDUM, DA-DUM, DEE DUMM DUMM . . . "

The three wizards and the Warrior/Bard disappeared into the center of the mushroom circle, and all was silent in Middle Earth once again.

---------------------------------------

"That's strange," Nimue thought, "I can swear I hear Highland Pipes in the distance."

[Merlyn]

Merlyn looked at his knoblin's Glob, with one eyebrow raised,

"Gladys? what exactly has been going on in the kitchen lately?"

Gladys popped her glas eye in, as she did try not to scare the newcommers, and leaned over the bar looking at Merlyn.

"AYE! HAS BEEN A LOT O' ODD THINGS GOIN' ON EH'?"

"Yes and I know how you feel about magic in your inn, do you suppose the Orange Tan clan might be up to something?"

Gladys scratched her chin and thought for a moment..

"NO MERLYN, I THINK IT'S JUST THE SPRING IN THE AIR, OR PERHAPS THE NEW HERBS I'VE BEEN PUTTIN' IN THE KNOBLIN'S GLOB!"

[LadyMoonChaser]

...........and as Cleo was lounging on her barge having her toenails colored by eunochs, she was rather annoyed(putting it mildly since she is known to have a firey temper) to see three rather odd looking fellows come popping in quite uninvited..."And WHAT, praytell, are you three gawking at?!, are you the new Eunochs I ordered?"

Dumbfounded, the three wise men looked at each other, having expected to find Beith just standing there waiting for them, "HUH?" they chorused in unison, clutching their family jewels in fear, sweat pooring down their silly noses(they were clearly not dressed for the temperature down there, or maybe the "Eunoch" word caused it).

"Oh no!" gasped Alferian finally able to speak, "We are on a mission to find our beloved friend Beith, and we thought she would be here."

Azriendoch, being quite speechless, for once, could only gaze at the lovely maidens peeking out from behind the Eunochs, or perhaps he was gazing at the lovely Eunochs...

"Argh!" OakWyse blurted, trying mightily not to lose grip of his pipes, which he had quickly pushed between his legs for protection, "We mean no harm, oh beautiful lady, we are from the Foggy Duck, surely Beith has mentioned us to you",

"Well....," as she looked them up and down more closely, "she has mentioned a few lame-brains who were always trying to push her around...but that couldn't be you, she told me they were more on the hunky side".

Again, the three looked at each other in astonished disbelief!

Even more sweat pooring out from every pore in their bodies, as their heavy robes began to singe & smolder,
"quickly lad," Alf whispered to Az, "surely you need to relieve yourself after all that you drank, keep our robes wet so we don't burn up!"
and not wanting to see his masters burn in hell, he dutifully did as requested.

"So, then you're not the new Eunochs? Oh damnation, those incompetent temps never get anything right! Then be off, if it's Beith you are seeking, she's moved over to the next room looking for Temptation, and knowing the place she's probably found plenty to keep her busy!"