Pub Crawl: Easter Eggs

[Beith]

Beith awoke from a very strange dream about pub crawls, biblical events and rescue missions and rubbed her eyes.

"I'm seeing things" she thought. And rubbed them again.

"Are you alright?" asked Merlyn, looking at Beith's mascara-rimmed eyes "Stop rubbing them - it streaks your make up"

Beith gave him her best grimace and pointed.

"What is THAT?" she demanded, gesturing to the huge, gift wrapped egg balanced precariously on a bar-stool infront of her.

"Well, it's Easter" said Merlyn "So maybe it's a chocolate egg?"

Beith jumped excitedly to her feet and instantly toppled over - jumping being rather impractical when one is wearing 6-inch stiletto ballet slippers.
"Help me up Merlyn!" she whined from the floor.

"Is that girl alright?" said a voice from above.
"I'm hearing God again!" wailed Beith, blocking her ears.
"No" soothed Merlyn, "look up"
They looked up.
A Crow was sitting on a beam overhead.

"Look at her eyes" it croaked "looks like she's had too much of the demon drink"
"you don't know the half of it" replied Merlyn.
"It's mascara" muttered Beith, hastily wiping her cheeks and inadvertently rubbing the streaks further down her face.

The door of the Foggy Duck jangled open and in breezed Tinne, Carragh Selene and LadyMoonChaser.

"Woah! it's Alice Cooper" exclaimed Tinne.
"Very funny" said Beith "you can talk!" she sneered as she appraised his attire. Tinne was resplendent in a polka-dot fluorescent shell suit with matching chicken-skin boots and feather boa.

"It's the easter look dahlink" he enthused, strutting around the bar like a peacock with wardrobe problems.

"So I suppose you laid that did you?" said Beith, acknowledging the egg

Tinne turned and gaped at the large egg.

They all stared at it. A masterpiece of ribbon, coloured foil paper and smelling sweetly of chocolate.

"Let's open it!" said Tinne and rushed to be first to the job.

They tore open the gift-wrap to reveal a large chocolate egg.

"Wait!" cautioned Merlyn, as Beith tried to hack off a piece with her stiletto. "Maybe we should find out to whom it belongs and from where it came?" continued Merlyn. "Afterall- it's a bit strange that a giant chocolate egg suddenly appears in the Foggy Duck at Easter- isn't it?"

"Good idea" said LadyMoonChaser
"Investigative thinking" replied Crow "ever considered a career in Journalism?"
"Right" agreed Selene.

"NAAAAAAH!" yelled Tinne, Beith and Carragh and set about hacking pieces of chocolate off the egg.

"STOP!" yelled Merlyn "You don't know what you're dealing wi-!"

He was cut off by a sudden cracking noise. The egg split into two halves which fell to the side.

And there, standing in the centre of the chocolate egg was a ...........

______________________________________________________
[your move! continue!]
Happy Easter!
Beith

[Stormcloud]

.......curious creature, the likes of which they had never seen before, nor were they sure they wanted to!

It seemed to be half dragon, half rabbit, and judging by the bubbled pieces of thick chocolate inside the egg halves, the dragoon steam issuing from its nostrils was in full working order! Still, the creature definitley managed to look cute with its floppy bunny ears...

"Where on earth did it come from?" exclaimed Beith, nibbling daintily on a piece of the egg all the same.

"And for that matter, where would you find a dragon small enough for a rabbit to mate with, and why would it want to? Surely the Easter Bunny has better things to do with its time at this time of year, and this CAN'T be how easter eggs are normally created!!?" wailed LadyMoonChaser, confused.

[Azrienoch]

I feel I should refrain from posting on this one, but here's a visual...

[Guest]

FLASHBACK --------

Unseen, behind a lapwing's nest, lay the prolific Easter Bunny, staring off into space, her eyes glossed over and a silly grin adorning her face.

"Sweet mystery of life, at last I've found you . . ." she sang. Beside her, on the sward, the dragon lit two cigarettes and passed one over to her. His enormous schwannstuker slowly deflating in the afterglow.

Not many weeks later, a funny looking creature about four feet tall slopped (slithered & hopped) out of the easter Bunny's burrow. It was covered with green and red scales, but its ears were long and white, and where the great dragon tale was supposed to be was a round, furry little thing that looked for all the world like the trademark of a men's magazine.

Carrying a wicker basket with a magical never-ending supply of colored lapwing's eggs, the new Easter Drunny (Bunny & Dragon) headed off to make it's deliveries. It was one of those warm spring mornings that Easter can occasionally bring to northern Britain, when no one is prepared for the heat. The Easter Drunny was carrying a pretty parasol for protection from the rays of the sun, But the second basket on its back, the one filled with chocolate miniature bunnies, was in the full glare. The chocolate bunnies began to melt and run in the basket. Just then, the Easter Drunny tripped on an unseen rock, did a triple roll during which the liquid chocolate flew up in the air, land on the parasol and dripped down around the Drunny. As she rolled across the dew-cooled grass, the chocolate hardened into an egg shape around her, but not before it rolled through the back door of the Foggy Duck through a pile of papers and ribbons that had been used to wrap the day-old fish Gorn had just brought back from the market.

Rancid growled, and Gorn looked up.

"Gorn!" he said (his favorite ejaculatory comment, hence his name) "Gladys must've sent me a present for Ostara!" He put it up on a barstool to get it out of Rancid's reach, and went back to his chores, thinking he would open it later.

Beith awoke from a very strange dream about pub crawls, biblical events and rescue missions and rubbed her eyes.

"I'm seeing things" she thought. And rubbed them again.

There on the stool in front of her was a giant egg-shaped present wrapped in fishy smelling paper.

"Are you alright?" asked Merlyn, looking at Beith's mascara-rimmed eyes "Stop rubbing them - it streaks your make up"

Beith gave him her best grimace and pointed.

"What is THAT?" she demanded, gesturing to the huge, gift wrapped egg balanced precariously on a bar-stool infront of her.

"Well, it's Easter" said Merlyn "So maybe it's a chocolate egg?"
(Had it been another holiday, Merlyn would have said "a chocolate Santa," or "a chocolate witch," or "a chocolate Guy Fawkes." Merlyn loved chocolate.)


The door of the Foggy Duck jangled open and in breezed Tinne, Carragh Selene and LadyMoonChaser.

"Woah! it's Alice Cooper" exclaimed Tinne.
"Very funny" said Beith "you can talk!" she sneered as she appraised his attire. Tinne was resplendent in a polka-dot fluorescent shell suit with matching chicken-skin boots and feather boa.

"It's the easter look dahlink" he enthused, strutting around the bar like a peacock with wardrobe problems.


"Let's open it!" said Tinne and rushed to be first to the job.

They tore open the gift-wrap to reveal a large chocolate egg.

He was cut off by a sudden cracking noise. The egg split into two halves which fell to the side.

And there, standing in the centre of the chocolate egg was a ........... .......curious creature, the likes of which they had never seen before, nor were they sure they wanted to!

It seemed to be half dragon, half rabbit, and judging by the bubbled pieces of thick chocolate inside the egg halves, the dragoon steam issuing from its nostrils was in full working order! Still, the creature definitley managed to look cute with its floppy bunny ears...

"Where on earth did it come from?" exclaimed Beith, nibbling daintily on a piece of the egg all the same.

"Pardon me," said the Easter Drunny, "Is this Buckingham Palace?"

[LadyMoonChaser]

"BUCKINGHAM PALACE?" roared Gladys laughing so hard her huge bicepts rippled like jelly beans. "You mean DUCKingham Palace?, HAW HAW HAW!"

Rancid, meanwhile, was starting to salivate thinking of a nice hare/dragon stew....

"Oh my!" cried Beith, "Are you by any chance related to that other rabbit we had in here a few stories ago?" still hacking away at the hard chocolate with her ballet stilletos.

"Aye, Dios mio" moaned LadyMoonChaser, "not another loco weed conejo! Can eet be real? Maybe we shood try to stuff eet bauck in dee chocolat & roll eet out of here!"(ever since she had the Carmen Miranda outfit on she couldn't stop with the Spanish accent)

But it was too late for that, Tinne, Beith & the rest were already licking the remaining chocolate from their fingers, lapping the last bits off the floor, which made Gorn quite pleased since now he didn't have to mop up the bloody,... er, chocolatey mess.

Meanwhile, Crow was searching under his wings for a pencil sharpener, his pencil dulled already from so much goings on.

EarthWard just stood there twirling his fingers in his ponytail, waiting for a chance to lend a helping hand & to give someone,.... anyone, a boost to their morale.

This whole time, the Bunny/Dragon looked in amazement, trying to keep those damn floppy ears out of its eyes,
at the strange lot of ....well,....strange people & creatures,
staring back at him, as if he had fire blowing out of his nose,
still having no idea where Camilla &
Charlie might be.....

[Merlyn]

Merlyn watched, scratching his head, and noticed a view out the window,
Up on the hill. Looking down at the old pub were two critters, and Merlyn wandered over to the window for a closer look. Far up on the hill, he saw a rabbit and a chicken, both looking on, and at each other....

"Look at this mess! Rabbit, how could this have happened?"

"I don't know chicken, where did we go wrong?"

"Since when did Dragons hatch from eggs anyway? Let alone grow bunny ears?"

"Ever since Vortigern's castle fell to pieces and Emrys found those two dragon eggs, it's been a tradition"

Merlyn stroked his long white beard, and thought for a moment, as Beith and Karen were lapping down a chocolate feast....the ground below the Foggy Duck began to quake.

Tinne was looking down the stairs of the basement bar, pointing at the tile floor, as it began to crumble.

"Looky here Merlyn," Crow flew down to investigate.

The Drabbit hopped over for a look too, shaking off Lady moon chaser who was trying to get the last of the chocolate off the dragon’s tale.

Rancid smelled a rank odor from the basement, and began to howl!

The cat of 20 claws climbed up into the rafters for a better view, and Gladys came out of the kitchen

"WOT IN ALL THUNDER IS THIS?"

Piper Oak pulled out his bagpipe and began to play a tune..........

[Merlyn]

As OakWyse played his pipes the dragon from the deep came alive once again, Gorn looked on and shook his head. "Darn and I just got that tile floor fixed last month too!"

The basement dragon came up the old stairs and seeing the Drunny, stood there perplexed.

Hissing and spitting a bot of fire he muttered, "Man that keg of "old man's rye" really puts a number on you doesn't it?" as he turned to Gwydion, "No that's a real Drunny ragon....er yes that's a for real creature, your's not seeing things.

Gladys shook her head "A whole keg it took to get that dragon back to sleep under the floor!"

Merlyn smiled, "It's easter Gladys, time for spring and romance"

"WOT DO YOU KNOW OF ROMANCE! MERLYN??"

Then all eyes turned to the front door as it swung open, ...Two large ears appeared to flop aside to make way for the bunny who flashed, smoked and turned into a witch! "what a day! she said" dusting off her fine black cape. . . . . .

[Crow]

From the rafters, where he had flown unseen with a full bottle of Laphroaig, Crow had watched the whole thing unfold.

It was just last month that he had stalked out of the Foggy Duck after returning there from Texas. He’d vowed then to never return.

But he had to eat, and newspaper reporting was his job. And there was no place like the Foggy Duck for getting stories, especially the kind favored by readers of the Pagan Press.

So he had been on his perch in the rafters two weeks ago and looking out the pub’s windows when he both saw and heard the massive schwannstuker deflating with a sighing sound like air being let out of a basketball. He’d furtively looked down then, thinking wistfully that he’d never had that much lead in his own pencil.

He’d been on the same perch a week later and saw the Drunny emerge from a burrow and go tripping across the greensward. He’d seen the chocolate egg form around the creature as it rolled right through the door of the Foggy Duck, gathering up papers until it rolled to a stop with a clank beside a spittoon.

He’d seen Beith, so often the cause of trouble, hacking at the egg with one of her stiletto-heeled ballet slippers.

Yes, he’d seen and recorded it all.

And now, shaking his head in disbelief, he was watching as a large bunny hopped down the path, came through the door, disappeared with a flash of light and turned into a black-caped figure.

Now Crow gaped from his perch, for standing before the shocked patrons of the Foggy Duck Pub stood La Belle Dame Sans Merci …

[Guest]

B'yum b'dee, d'ya-dum dee da-dum,
B'yum b'dee, d'ya-dum dee da-dum . . .

The strains of "Loch Rannoch" poured from Oak's pipes as Carragh began a voice-over to the scene:

"Because of the confusing jumble of characters now assembled in the Foggy Duck," she began.

"So, what else is new?" observed Merlyn. Carragh shot him a sidelong glance and whispered so all could hear, "This is a voice-over, stupid, not a dialogue!" Merlyn sheepishly slank (slink, slank, slunk) back to his barstool and signalled Gladys for a pint of Slopshire Bitters. She was glad to oblige.

"Ahem," Carragh cleared her throat. "Because of the confusing jumble of characters now standing around the bar at the Foggy Duck . . . "

"Does anyone know how to get chocolate stains off stiletto ballet shoes?" asked Beith.

"Here ya' Go!" chimed Gorn, and tossed Beith a rag soaked in Essence of Dragon. "Works every time!" The Drunny, the Drabbit, the Basement Dragon, and the Witch all turned up their noses. Beith went to work on her right heel.

There was a pregnant silence. The smoke in the room had noticeably increased, as it was now coming from Carragh's ears and nostrils as well as from the assortment of Dragons. It was steam, actually. Carragh was steamed.

B'yum b'dee, d'ya-dum dee da-dum... "Loch Rannoch" contined in the background.

Carragh glared around the bar at everyone. Everyone whithered.

"As I was saying . . . Because of the jumble of characters now assembled at the Foggy Duck, the management has requested that we offer you this review, so that you may keep them all sorted out.

"Gorn and Gladys are behind the bar - she pouring a pint of Slopshire Bitters for Merlyn who is seated on the barstool next to the one that is Puk. Gorn is wiping the bar with another cloth soaked in Essence of Dragon, humming "O She Was a Honey, But I Couldn't Bee" to "Loch Rannoch" (you don't want to know.) OakWyse, in his County Antrim kilt is playing the pipes over by the hearth. Rancid is howling like a fourth drone under the bar, and the Cat of Twenty Claws has left the building, objecting to the pipes totally. Beith, Tinne, LadyMoonChaser, Crow, Earthward, and StormCloud were sitting on the floor in various postures, finishing up the chocolate. The Basement Dragon, angry at having been wakened, is looking around for another keg of Old Man's Rye. ("Not on yer life!" Gladys hisses under her breath, "Unless yer prepared to pay for this time!")

"The Drunny and the Drabbit are looking at each other blinking in disbelief. They seem to be two incarnations of the same creature. ("Not another theological conundrum," muses Beith. "As if the Council of Chalcedon wasn't bad enough!")

"At the door stands a furious Witch, having until moments before apparently been the third incarnation of the Dragon/Rabbit Trinity.

"WOT DO YOU KNOW OF ROMANCE! MERLYN??" The Witch screams. All eyes turn to her. "Loch Rannoch" fads into the mists. At Buckingham Palace, Camilla and Charlie look at each other, "What did you say?" they ask in unison, and then go back to sipping their tea."

Carragh, finished with her voice-over sat down in an exhausted heap on the other side of Puk and ordered a Fitheach Dubh. Merlyn slank (slink, slank, slunk) into his barstool as the Witch fumed.

"I can't believe my eyes," gasps Beith, "It's . . . "

[Merlyn]

Merlyn scratched his head, "Whoa! seeing double is one thing, living double is another! it could mean only one thing!"

The drone of the pipes began to cause a strange change in the Foggy Duck, only Puk really knew as he was a bar stool.

Gwydion looked at Merlyn and Merlyn looked at Gwydion, and they both noticed the missing serpentine that normally was around the neck of the Piper Oak!

"WOT Do you know of ROMANCE!" the witch said again, Merlyn was perplexed as it sounded like Gladys, and it was Gladys' voice.

"Ooooooooohhhhhhhhhh, " Merlyn began to feel odd, and looked at the bitters with a more curious eye,

Gwydion noticed the serpentine was adorning the witch! as she shape shifted back into a rabbit and hopped out the door.....

"Oh my" Merlyn noticed the very same thing, and Gwydion and Merlyn both rememberd who had solved the puzzle the last time. . . .

[Guest]

Meanwhile, in the cloud of dust left by the departing bunny, stood La Belle Dame Sans Merci, angrily tapping her toe.

"What's a gal got to do to get some recognition around here?" she said.

[Merlyn]

Merlyn grabbed his magic staff and whacked the Juke box.

it began to play a greatful dead tune

"Blasted old thing"

Merlyn whacked it again!

Then the song "white rabbit" began to play

"May I have this dance?" Gwydion asked La Belle Dame Sans Merci......