Looking for opinions on my writing.

[Lughan]

Two houses of bitter enemy dwell in a city that is kissed by the sea.
A hatred that is rooted beyond their knowledge to see
The sorrow thy own action bring.
Their son and daughter at the first moment met was enough
To cage their hearts in a prison of love without a key
That agony will bring.
Before they could speak of the joy their own eyes hath found
Their friends crush their dreams.
When they found they love their enemy
They curse their heart for its treachery.
Antonio:
Oh sweet Ana we play both the victim and villain in this game of hearts.
We cage our hearts against the venomous love but nothing taste so
Sweet as your name upon my lips.
In moments my joyful heart is empty with sorrow
Then I must repeat your name till my heart is full with so much joy my heart would break.
Ana! My dear sweet Ana!
Let loose the dove that we cage and kill the wicked beast that keeps us at bay.
You fill me with disgust that you injected your venomous poison in my veins.
I hate you and yet with every fiber of my being I also love you.
This makes the same amount of sense as a legless chair.
Like a court jester I play the fool.
This must be some kind of jest from God that finds it humorous
for all my despair.
Oh Lord, find another fool to be your jester.
I was in heaven until you plucked me up and dropped me into hell.
Surely this is hell to love someone who only speaks in serpent
Tongue to thine own ears.
I ask for the rose and got the thorns; the rose is her heart and the thorns
Is the words that keeps it from being mine.
Ana:
I met my Romeo and that tale ended in a tragedy
I dare not put a dagger to my own bosom to slay a ghostly creature that moan out Antonio’s name.
Have I done some ill toward God and been cursed to love a man that surly hatethe me
Like all of his kind hateth my family.
Love is like a rose, if one is not careful it can prick thee.
One must travel lightly in the matter of the heart or one is doomed to swallow
loves poisonous pill being ever consumed under it control.
Like a puppet I am controlled by the puppeteer , Antonio.
To move to his sweet music.
I curse thee Antonio for your mischievous eyes and devilish smile.
Surely you have won the hearts of maids with that grin alone
You didn’t win my heart, you stole it like a cunning thief
You rob me of a treasure that belongs to a just man
A good man not a foul creature of your house
Did someone slip me a love potion?
Did it take effect at the moment our eyes met
No! that is madness!
This is madness to love someone where there is no hope of having them
I envy the birds flight and freedom
If I could sprout wings to fly and the freedom to love
I would mend our hearts as one

Tragedy of their quarrel kill their own moral to do the right thing
what is just.
Love can mend the bridge that hate hath burn but pride and shame can poison
Thine own eyes to see not the truth but believe in a lie
Nothing poisons the body more than pride being slave to thine own mind.
The tragedy of Antonio and Ana is a tale of woe.
They could have the fruit that love brought but pride and shame poisoned it
And now they are the ones to blame.

[hamishmarshal]

What you have written here is really appreciative and I would say that it is written by the heart and deep thoughts. The only thing with thiat is it takes too much time in reading that one as I have spend my 10 minuts on that. But I think I did not mistake by reading it.