Summer

[emmao1111]

I am really keen to get some feedback on this. If you like it, or if you don't, feel free to tell me and please say why. I am unoffendable! I wrote this just now while sipping a cool drink, and watching my children play in the paddling pool.

Summer

The Sun hangs ripe and juicy
Dripping warmth and passion onto
Baked earth
As butterflies drift
Deft and lazy by.

Gentle breezes seduce
Music from the trees while
Birdsong falls in shards
Splintering the heat.

Distant hum and honeysuckle waft distract.
Around a corner
Roses blush, as
Bees bumble into their most intimate folds.

Afternoon slumber snaps alert as
Evening swifts
Screech fear into the skies.

Below, Kingfishers splash and
Speckled trout
Float heavy over pebble beds.

Nearby frogs hide in plants pots
Oozing under logs
Eager for the humid embrace of night.

[Jingle]

That first stanza just grabs you and pulls you in. The tone reminds me of one of my favorite poems of all time, in that wonderful summer sun kind of way. Great job!

[emmao1111]

Thank you for your kind comments Jingle

[emmao1111]

I am toying with the idea of reworking this. Shorten, lengthen or leave alone?

[Jingle]

I like it as it is. But if you want to keep adding to it that's fine. I have a number of poems that I add verses to regularly (one about my daughter growing up - each time she hits a milestone, I add another verse, and another about a mountain that burned last summer. As the seasons changed I wrote more about it.)

If anything, I think you could do something at the beginning with dawn and waking of the summer day, and then something to bring it to a close as the stars shine through and the crickets chirp as you settle down for the night.

I don't see anything I would cut out of it though. They are all lovely images.

[emmao1111]

Great suggestions. I will note them down and rework another day, perhaps upon waking and at night?