Odd poem

[cat]

aither?


I hold 2 swords
yet u will only see
my hands

I hold 1 shield
yet u only see
the land

above below
around I know
the deamons (dreams)
in my hands

For power
you see
Is here
with me

For humans
destroy
employ
abuse
+
lose
the friendship of the land



yet heart soul
return
a spring lamb leaps
return

new grass grows
low fly crows
return,return,return

A web once spun
eaten
by one
spun again circle again thrive again return
caught by none

the net is cast
it will last
though thread will break
it's shadow remake
reeeturn reeturn return


..............
This poem looks nicer if it's centred.
I can't find a way of doing that here.
I realise there are some spelling mistakes 'demons' on balance I like spelling it that way.

Not sure about the 'deamons (dreams)' bit weather it should be inter changeable or both any ideas?
I'm sorry if my use of numbers and shortenings offends any one.

Any help with a title would be good

Any feedback or insights welcomed

cat

[wyeuro]

this is a very cool poem. it's got elements of beat poetry in it. it brought to mind sitwell, cummings and some others. i love the use of shortenings - it is very exciting to me, and to a lot of people, i think, and in this poem it is used to quite brilliant poetic effect. bravo!

there is a naive simplicity, supported in a very sophisticated poetic framework - the wistful voices of nature in the second half set against the sophisticated mind-play of the beginning. i'm reminded of a delicate vine twining about a piece of fine, functional sculpture.

it's a daring, bold poem - a great achievement.
more please!

[cat]

Thanks Wyeuro,

I'd like to say i'd put some thought into it, It was another one of those words in head moments if you know what I mean
I only used shortenings etc cause its quicker to get it on the paper that way. Though this time around I liked the way it looked so kept them in.
I do struggle with writing stuff down and lose the flow if i spend too much time typing or scrawling ha the joys
it does feel very sort of chant e if that's what you mean by beat poetry.

[wyeuro]

i'm thinking of the beatniks of the fifties - they used to read their poems to the rhythms of bongo drums. yours just reminded me of them.