Dawn on a Wing - Comments Welcome

[nollaig]

Abdim's Stork
Go gliding
Over Africa's faithful horn
By
The Master's wind:
Turning,
Banking,
They follow
The battered coastline.
Sweeping,
In grace-filled strokes,
Then,
Buoyantly rise
To cross Bab al-Mandab
In time for
Dawn in Yemen.

[Sciethe]

It gets even better.
Curiosity- Can you try something with longer lines with a second onomatopoeic underlying voice?

As in (forgive the content):

Unconscious, intent, she's sweating musk
= Uh o sh uh (break word) sh sw uh

Hard to do, but could look good on your style
Blessings,
Sciethe

[nollaig]

Thank you for your kind note Sciethe.

It is with a degree of sadness that I must report that I am not so good at delivering crafty onomatopoeic verse... I struggle with serious laziness in my creative method.

All the best,
~n.