question for you all....

[Crimson Stormfire]

my back is better aND progress has continued i am still collecting and compiling...making an order out of this is somewhat troubling as the dates i wrote things dont match their intended order.....but i am still on fire about this and still working on it.

[Aphritha]

Hurray for your back! We need them, yet they give us trouble our whole lives...
Ech, I hate trying to make dates match up. GOod luck!

[Crimson Stormfire]

And now lo and breathe fear! I have recently lost my job and am now unemployed, fear and doubt have crept into each and every endeavor as we struggle to make ends meet {i was the primary income and insurance source} however great tidings have occurred in the way of this area....the muse is singing again....also this is bad as its veryu distracting from what this writing should be.....she is having trouble focusing on one project which leads me to wander through many projects...woodburning...wood carving....watercolor paintings...this book....writings....didgeridoo playing....now that i have some time when not job hunting and am relatively stress free at the moment i need to refocus my efforts here and who knows maybe the multiverse said "yaknow what? you are not doing this fast enough here's ample time to complete it and see it through." but there is my update so far...needless to say the last thing i was doing was organizing this jumble into a cohesive narrative..thats where i stagnated......well back to it....

[Aphritha]

So sorry to hear you've lost your job...always troubling indeed. Maybe you could let one of these projects lead you to a possible source of income, or or job you'll enjoy? I'm glad you're using your time off for creative outlets.
Was just introduced to the didgeridoo..fascinating instrument.

[Crimson Stormfire]

apparently {my wife tells me } that when i play mine i talk with storms.....

[Crimson Stormfire]

ok my muse has developed an annoying case of A.D.D. its driving me nuts...everything all at once cannot be done {i dont think} time for some dream walking to calm her down, we have spare time now.....need to slow her roll or we wont get anything accomplished. she wants me to paint,carve wood burn,write,draw, color, build, craft, it would be fine if it was one at a time, but no as soon as the supplies are gathered and placed for one project "bam!" she hits me with 4 new ideas with completely different stuff and materials.....oh and i tried writing them down to come back to later...and well upon revisiting those ideas i found my will was lacking and creativity for it had waned, i did however compile my writings for the book into their respective chapters and am working on chronological order in certain chapters like the poetry involving the paths of shade and shadow, they definitely have a sequence to them....so that was one thing accomplished...

[Crimson Stormfire]

i have also come to realize that my ramblings and musings do not quite fill a book yet...so i will need to create some more and bathe in the waters of creativity again and maybe visit my castle in the mist.....

[elementalheart]

When I lost/gave up my job and left the office environment a couple years ago, life became less ordered and much less safe and my anxiety levels shot through the roof. But my ability to be creative grew and like you I had various outlets, none of which I could focus on - writing, felting, new crafts I kept discovering and trying out, gardening, expanding the livestock to care for, rediscovering various forms of music and dance, spiritual work of all kinds of depth, challenging myself to tackle things I was always convinced I couldn't do, like art.. and every job I applied for I got to interview stage and came second because "the other person just seemed to want it more" - which I discovered was true. At some level I needed to be out of the system for my health and growth and that is what manifested in my life.

It settled a little but not much, I just got used to what I called "riding the wave of chaos" and letting the various forms of expression channel the mass of processing I was going through internally, wave upon wave of it. I think for me it was about giving up that expectation of control and order and surrendering to the flow and the many ways creativity can be expressed. Life intervenes all the time and planning even a day ahead is rarely successful. I now doubt my ability to return to a "workplace" more than part time, maybe not even that, I seem to avoid finding out but I've never had more sense of who I am or what is important to me and been able to flit between ways of being that person. And I am doing the one thing I wanted to do which I'd never have done until those distractions of "normal life" were removed, piece by piece. And the distractions of "other forms of creativity" allowed me to work through the things I needed to before that one thing became not only possible but real to me.

From what you've been saying, this project is important to you and will be completed, by a direct or indirect route. Maybe it is the focus that you will need to cope with the lack of work, or maybe the lack of work is what will give you the freedom and time to get it done. The chaos of the transition is energy to feed your intention, the other creative activities are just a means to the end you have set, ways to tackle barriers and obstacles within you so that you can succeed. Well that's my belief anyway

[Crimson Stormfire]

thanks elemental heart your words have been heard and ring true.....i am very chaotic at the moment and hopefully things will calm down its only been 2 weeks and i am feeling more confident about the situation i am in and able to focus more intently....maybe a walk by the river would help...listen to the water and what she has to say....hmmm...