along these paths,
Creeping in from the edges.
I have seen it many times.
I have pushed it away time again.
This creeping darkness now blots the path.
like mottled shadows it lingers here before me.....
I know what it is.
I know in secret what it means.
I know why it is here now.
This darkness is something we all must deal with.
This growing shadow,
its lesson cannot be ignored ...
its voice silky and resonant...
it cannot be put away
it cannot be looked from
once seen never unseen again....
this shadow promises much
this shadow delivers with each promise
fear and uncertainty.
this shadow delivers with each promise
doubt and reluctance.
It wills us to stand our ground here,
and look into its terrible timeless void,
and see what we cannot see with our eyes,
only our faith and will can abide us in its presence.
Here along the paths of shade and shadow
i am met with the spectre of my own mortality
and i stand frightened and selfish.
in the sun dappled road staring the shadow down
i take stock of things yet to do and people i will miss terribly.
I find myself already missing the embraces of loved ones,
i havent left yet.
I find myself longing for the sound of the voices and laughter of friends,
i have yet to leave behind.
I am being taught this lesson,
a difficult one to learn,
My own mortality has met me,
on the paths of shade and shadow.
to teach me a simple lesson,
that sounds so trite when placed in verse,
yet rings so true here and now.
cherish every moment
for every moment is fleeting
and every moment is unique
in that it is
the very first time
and the very last
you will ever experience that exact
moment,
emotion,
embrace,
sunset,
moonrise,
tear,
laugh,
sight,
taste,
touch,
kiss,
look,
feel,
heartbeat,
everything is the first and last time you will experience it.
I am learning this lesson..........
it is a bitter sweet lesson to learn
How does one continue to walk
down their own path, once this lesson has darkened the door?
how do you continue onward without madness?
How do you continue?
I have not found the strength to take the next step here
in the twilight along the paths of shade and shadow,
whereupon i have met the spectre of my mortality.
and it stands ever by my side now.
UN-ignorable, and ever present.
How do i continue........
I know not at this time.......
I am rooted by fear and sadness.......
I am being consumed by it........
I havent the tools to fight it back.......
I havent the voice to cry for help.........
this spectre has taken its hold......
I fear i am losing myself to its icey grip......
I have but a shred of bravery left to continue to stand here,
upon the brink of the void and stare down my own fear of mortality,
I shall stand.
unwavering.
i shall stand.
unfettered and free
I shall stand.
until the path before me returns.
I shall stand.
here and now.
{- i know i rambled but this unshakeable feeling needed words and room to run its course..i have been confronted with my own mortality and am having some difficulty in shaking the feelings associated with it, and "dealing " with it.....i am somewhat unsatisfied and deeply saddened almost depressed by it......but i am working through it and well still smiling truckin on like a trooper! so i guess thats a start....
-C.S.}
