Relating to the world as a druid would

[Fox of the Oaks]

Hi,

Has anyone noticed this or had a similar experience before:

How people around them have become so self-absorbed in their own desires, life and pursuits in a selective way and in doing so exclude you as a friend and person because you don't match those things in them - like nearly everyone close to you becomes this way over time. This has become much more obvious to me lately.

I am listening to the latest Druidcast podcast as I write this, and have just read some posts on this forum, and the tone and tune of people that OBOD gathers around it just seems so much more genuine and real, so open and considerate, caring and whole! That realness makes a contrast with the people around me sometimes.

I am not lonely as I enjoy my time in solitude when I have it, yet I am alone on my path (physically - being in Australia) so am yet to meet many OBOD people in person.
I want to love others in a wise and genuine way but feel I can't get through their self-preoccupation and all the illusions that go on with that - such as judgements, ego-games, dogma, and so on.
OBOD in a way has opened my eyes beyond my current social circle. I feel much more able to see all types of people equally for example, I have felt more and more interest in all people for who they are as unique individuals, and an interest in understanding them, and also learnt to look at different philosophies and ideas in a universal and inclusive each-in-its-right-place perspective, it has also deepened my connection with nature greatly. I want to be true to other people close to me, yet they seem to have no connection or interest with that from me. At times I feel I have connected in a more genuine way with a close friend, and it's almost like a passing dream for them that is beyond who they usually are.

Either the world has become extremely self-absorbed and forgotten how to relate to one another with real conversation and friendship, and I have just woken up to this more
or,
Something of spirit has designed this for me to learn something, perhaps learning how to survive alone, or to learn a particular way to walk my path, maybe in relation to other people.

Perhaps both...

Does anyone have any light or experience to shed upon this?

Peace upon all paths,
PineRaven.

[Lailoken]

I get what you're saying. When I joined OBOD and began the bardic course, many aspects of my personality changed. On top of that, I went back to school to get my natural health care practitioners certification. During that time I went through some very profound changes that weren't gradual or subtle. These changes hit me over the head and redefined me as a person. An unintentional side-effect was that I looked at many of my relationships and saw how shallow they were, devoid of meaning, realness, depth. Some of the people in my life faded away, while at the same time I developed and cultivated new friendships that had depth and meaning, a true closeness that the other relationships were lacking.

On thing that was unexpected was any lack of sadness or longing over these ended relationships. Through this transitional period, I truly learned the difference between friends and acquaintances.

[Fox of the Oaks]

Thanks Lailoken for your response. What you say is certainly relevant.

It's funny because I went through that (shifting of friends) thing a number of years ago, when I was friends with a different group of people, and I discovered a spiritual path that took me away from their interests. Over time I met many people who were able to share my new outlook more....
but it 'seems' to be occurring a second time (even though this time my current friends are interested in all range of alternative and spiritual things) - but they also seem just plain stuck in particular views which I have recently learnt to let go off for my benefit. It's like they want the alternative/spiritual, but may not be willing to integrate that with the wider world we live in (nature, culture, philosophy, art, science and so on - the universal)... which I have come to see goes far beyond a subculture in one country.

I don't feel sad about it either, but I don't want to loose friends simply because they are human beings.

Some other people I know I would consider quite real and authentic but I don't really see them that often. It seems like such people often live more solitary lives, but still appear at various times, events and places - and we relate in wonderful and human ways. It makes me wonder more, about understanding the current social situation I am in.

[Lailoken]

I don't feel sad about it either, but I don't want to loose friends simply because they are human beings.

I understand, but that's life...these things tend to happen. Most of us are in a constant state of change and growth, and unfortunately, a part of that process is often a letting go of relationships that just don't seem to 'fit' anymore. It's hard to say that without meaning to sound callous. I'm not suggesting that we use up our friends, get what we need from them and move on, or that people are expendable. We don't force these changes, it happens naturally.

If I go ahead and assume that the people you're talking about our close friends, perhaps it's not a matter of ending the friendships and never seeing these people again. I still have friends that I like to see and go out with. We connect on a different level, not so deep as others, but I still enjoy their company, and when we're together we know how to have fun.

[celticmodes]

Consider the positive aspects to the situation.

I found that when I started to become more open and present and aware of myself being lost in my mind, I also saw how other people were. When you spend more time in the now, connected to the life around you, you start to glow a bit on the other levels. People are drawn to you because they sense you have something special. You will make them feel more alive and alert when they are around you and you actually pay real attention to them. Trust me, they don't want to be lost in the mind any more than you do but they don't understand it yet on a conscious level.

Being left alone is sometimes preferable to having unconscious people draining your life energy because they have blocked all of theirs up. They don't mean to but there it is. If you resist it, it becomes uncomfortable. I know this sounds a bit jaded but it's been my experience.

Even the above is just a phase. I've learned to show a social self to others that meets the requirements and also shields my light a bit. I turn the lamp up when I'm alone or in circumstances with other people where it is relevant. This probably sounds cryptic but I don't know how to say it any other way.

P.S. I just thought of something. I have a friend who is a real honest-to-goodness monk. I have envied his lifestyle but as time goes by, I become more of a monk in the real world. It works but I have to have the different faces as I outlined above. That may be what you're going through...becoming a druid monk

[skydove]

Thank you for starting this discussion, I think it is very important and certainly traces part of my own response to the people I meet everyday in my life, the people I meet on this board, meeting pagans at events and the experience of meeting other obodies at camp. I certainly went through a period when I became interested in paganism then hedgewitchcraft and then druidism when I initially felt very isolated and strange, that I had no one to speak to, that I did not know how to reach others of like minds.
The people in my everyday life are for the main part really nice good hearted people, yet I had no one whom I could relate to on spiritual matters. I had no confidence to speak to them about it knowing they had had no experience in what I was becoming involved in or had their own deeply held but differing views. My changing world viewpoint to them would be extremely strange and would not fit their expectations of who I was or what I was thinking and believing, so for the main part as the years have gone by I have kept mainly quiet about it though do tend to offer alternative viewpoints when I see I can contribute in a meaningful way. Although I think differently I still hold these people in respect, they are still friends though I think they just view me as being mildly eccentric and into nature mythology trees plants green issues etc, and when we talk together these things come through. As far as I am concerned this is my druidry reaching through to them and they are accepting of it as it is presented in a non threatening everyday way much as in the same way their religious beliefs come through as part of their own make up without being flogged as being religious. It is this coming together as friends and human beings which I think is important and I would not want to loose this important grounding contact with the everyday world in which I live.
It is a huge boost to me though being part of this internet community, reading peoples comments, asking questions, replying when I can - all helping me to grow and understand the changes happening within me and even better when I get to meet one of you in person.

[kashi_light]

This is an interesting post, thanks Pine Raven for bringing up the subject. I often feel this way too. Im 18 and there arent too many people my age interested in a spiritual path. For a while I had just decided not to associate with other people besides a few close friends because I couldnt see any depth in the other relationships I had experienced. Lately though I have been starting to come out of this shell I had built because I really want to share the love I have learned to know through walking my path, but there are still not many people who can see more than something superficial. So I try to give simple things that everybody is open to: smiles, encouragement, and ear when anyone needs it. As Skydove has put it most "just view me as being mildly eccentric and into nature mythology trees plants green issues etc". What I have learned recently is that you can only give to someone what they can receive no matter how much you want to give them something else (and the learning was painful). I still however, love my friends a lot, and continue to give them all I can. Some of the "spiritual" people I have met are even more difficult to relate to because they become so caught up in their religion being the only right one, or some other kind of dogma that I feel they have missed the point of spiritual seeking. My preferred company are people who enjoy just being alive, and I can relate to them the easiest. But even life-loving people are hard to find - pretty much everyone around me is so depressed all the time and it makes me sad being around them because on one wants to listen to anything which might make them feel better - some do though and that warms my heart. What is breaking my heart though is that one of my best friends has also found the same types of issues in people but isnt interested with spiritual living, so he has chosen to deal with it by becoming an alcoholic and giving up on enjoying life. He has very much drawn into himself and doesn't want to come back out. If there was anything I could do to help I would do it, but I dont know what it is I could do. What this has shown me though, is that my spiritual path has kept me from losing hope in life, and that is my solace. Celticmodes, the thing you said about glowing I believe is very true . I know others are out there like me, and like you all here, so I am praying everyday that we are brought together. In the meantime Im wishing us a well of love and light to fill our hearts and light the way for us to see the truth and divine reflected in each and every face. Blessings All-Ways!!!

[Fox of the Oaks]

Thanks everyone for your insights and sharing.

Wow kashi_light, what you say is vivid to me.
I feel somewhat similar to you. For me it is quite a challenge emotionally to ride all these waves, particularly when the people I care about are the ones making the waves, yet are simultaneously unaffected by them and also think they are right, and believe me to be the bad guy - it's all rather messy.
I wish you all the best in your journey, blessings and peace to you.
Perhaps what your close friend needs is for you to be yourself, and continue on your way, who knows what changes time may bring - even if it is just you being present and true to yourself... I have known people who may see the smallest thing in someone else who is 'awake' yet do nothing to change themselves for a long time, but that small thing stays in their mind, like a seed waiting for the right conditions. They mention years later to me something that 'stood out' in a good way all that time, but they were not able to really grasp or voice it.

I wanted to clarify what I mean when I use the word 'spiritual' - to me it refers to one's own unique path in relation to Spirit, however it be. For me, spirituality brings meaning , purpose, wisdom, growth and so on. I think 'religion' may be spiritual but may also come along with dogma or judgement upon different beliefs etc - of course many people view themselves as spiritual and still have certain issues with different people and such, so there is no real solution perhaps, but that is what I mean when I use the term. Since joining OBOD, a lot of my own dogma and judgements, I feel, has been dissolved, and I am now much more able to accept other people for who they choose to be. Anyway, a side point...

celticmodes and Lailoken, thankyou also.
It seems where I am now it's a very hard place. But I see others have also had similar experiences. I'm not entirely sure where to go from here - I have been rather involved in a particular group of friends, sharing living environments and various activities, yet it has for a while been less than ideal, and perhaps in some ways a rather unhealthy situation. The I Ching guidance I recieved tonight suggested I find shelter at on 'higher ground' and then address various problems from a better place.
The idea of a druid-monk made me laugh, in a good way. My years spent exploring yoga and buddhism where often fuelled by this model of the solitary practitioner. I'm still researching more about the druid way, and also need to establish myself a bit more independently before I could more fully embrace such a path. I am certainly going to have to make some changes in my life.

Thanks also skydove, I often read and enjoy your contributions to this forum, and have lined up on my web browser your Native American Apache Prayer video on youtube to watch soon.

Good to know people are around I can relate to about these things. Thanks everyone.

[Fox of the Oaks]

For me it is quite a challenge emotionally to ride all these waves, particularly when the people I care about are the ones making the waves, yet are simultaneously unaffected by them and also think they are right, and believe me to be the bad guy - it's all rather messy.

Actually it's probably not just them making the waves, I'm sure I have some part to play in it all. I'm not perfect yet, but trying to become perfect in such situations seems semi-hazardous.

I'm pondering more this idea of the druid-monk as I make some dinner.

[kashi_light]

I wish you all the best in your journey, blessings and peace to you.
Perhaps what your close friend needs is for you to be yourself, and continue on your way, who knows what changes time may bring - even if it is just you being present and true to yourself... I have known people who may see the smallest thing in someone else who is 'awake' yet do nothing to change themselves for a long time, but that small thing stays in their mind, like a seed waiting for the right conditions. They mention years later to me something that 'stood out' in a good way all that time, but they were not able to really grasp or voice it.

What you said here helps me, thanks! And certainly its is not just "them" making waves, I make plenty of my own too haha. I guess, considering how interconnected things are, that just by existing you makes waves, even for one as far out as a druid monk hehe. So it must depend on what kind of waves you are making and how they fit in on the greater ocean that really matters. Now if we all could only figure out how to make waves that build off of each other instead of cancel others out, then we would really be rock n' rollin. But, as I was taught by an old druk/hobo/musician/prophet in the form of intoxicated poetry - "I open the newspapers to see headlines of war, not music, but in a world where anything goes Its not that bad after all" Basically, we are all free to do what makes us happy, and we live on as part of the world forever. Whats so bad about that, just enjoy as you see fit, cus really, you can do that if you want to. OR "If you wanna sing out sing out, and if you wanna be free be free, cus theres a million ways to be, you know that there are doo da doo do do You can do what you want, the opportunity's on. and if you find a new way, you can make it today. You can make it all true, and you can make it undo - you see ah hah ha you only need to know..." by our good buddy cat stevens aka (the terrorist)Yusef Islam lol.