Significant Others & Druidry

[Aghaveagh]

Hello all,

I did a quick search (not very thorough) and didn't see anything recent on this topic. I wonder if any of you have significant others who do not practice Druidry, and how it affects your relationship.

Did anyone come to Druidry after they had been in the relationship long term? How did you "come out" to your SO?

I would very much like to hear any personal stories, and I'm especially interested to know if anyone has a significant other who practices a different spirituality.

The reason I am asking these things is: My husband is a Christian, and when we were married, I was also a Christian. I am still trying to "figure out" my Christian-Druid path, but I so far haven't really talked to my SO about it. I need to do this ASAP, and I have a weird sort of apprehension about the ordeal. He knows that I have been searching for a while (I haven't attended church with him for over a year, and we've talked a little about my dissatisfaction with the religion), so I don't think it will be blindsiding him, but I am still nervous. I am not sure how to introduce him to Druidry without him thinking that I've completely abandoned him and his Christian beliefs. And I am also not sure what it is like to be of a different spirituality than your partner; I have never experienced this before.

Likely I am over thinking it all, and it will not be the big ordeal that I am making it out to be; but I would still like to hear from the voices of experience.

Thanks very much.

[Art]

My wife and I have different spiritual backgrounds and beliefs. It is quit common. For the most part, if you are firmly rooted in your understanding of Druidry such that you can answer questions and he is sufficiently rooted in his own belief system to be comfortable with it, there should not be a problem. Of course to some extent that depends on what "kind" of Christian he is...and what "kind" of Druid you are. 'Tis a far better thing to openly admit you are exploring, delving into, or have adopted a somewhat different spiritual approach than to allow him to wonder. To the best of my knowledge, no spousal unit or significant other has every experienced a fatal apoplectic fit after being candidly told that there was a different spiritual path being explored in the house. I have never had a problem in the workplace, in public, or at home from fessing up to Druidry.

...and...feel free to attend church with him expecially if there is a gifted liberal pastor in the pulpit! Enjoy the company and thrive on the occasional free meal! At the same time, invite him to attend a seasonal festival with you or consider the two of you visiting a service at a Buddhist temple or other sanctuary. Peeking into other religions is an excellent, and entirely appropriate, "Druidy" thing to do.

[andromeda]

I found Ross Nicholson's "The Book of Druidry" very useful to clarify where Christianity and Druidry meet

[Selene]

I suspect that many, if not most, of today's Druids who are married or in committed relationships have partners whose spirituality differs from theirs--at least in our grove, that applies to all of our married members. So far as I know, it's not been a problem for anyone, but none of us has a spouse who is a hard-core fundamentalist in his/her religion, either; in that situation there would likely be a conflict that would be hard to reconcile.

As for "coming out," I told my husband what I was up to before I even ordered the Bardic course 10 years ago--not to ask his permission, but because I thought he ought to know--we'd been married for 23 years at that point--and I thought there was a small chance he might also be interested (he wasn't). He's not enthusiastic about Druidry (or any spirituality) from a personal standpoint but he is very enthusiastic about it for what it does for me.

I think it comes down to how tolerant and uncontrolling your partner is...a "my way or the highway" type isn't likely to welcome your choice, but a person who accepts you for what you are and understands that you may have different spiritual needs should have no real trouble.

You say you haven't been to church with your husband in a long time...unless you find his church offensive, there's no reason, as a Druid, you shouldn't continue to attend. There's nothing in Druidry that excludes spirituality of any variety--we have Druids who are also Christians, Jews, Buddhists, Unitarians (highly compatible with Druidry!), Wiccans, agnostics, atheists, you name it. If you still feel an attachment to your former path, there's no need to abandon it to pursue Druidry.

[Whitemane]

I'm in a similar boat to Selene.

My wife was greatly influenced by her father, who was actually quite wonderful and a blessing to have known. He was raised a Mennonite, but left the church and eventually became an atheist. (He really knew his Bible and could get Jehovah's Witnesses to look at their watches and say "I've got to go now.") In consequence, she has little or no interest in spiritual matters, although she seems to acknowledge my interest in non-traditional paths. So, I'm not making an issue of it.

[Aghaveagh]

Thank you so much everyone. I am very glad to know that this is the "norm" in your experiences.

The reasons behind my not going to my husbands church are many...I don't have any objections to attending church, and I understand that Druidry is compatible with many faiths. That is one of my biggest reasons for being so attracted to it. This particular church is very loving in it's own way, and I have never seen them turn anyone away. But I don't agree with all of their beliefs, and it makes me a bit uncomfortable. Like I said, I am still trying to figure it all out.

Anyway, thank you for replying. Thank you for the book recommendation, too, that is very helpful.

[Ghiúis]

My husband was raised Catholic, and I had to think hard about getting involved with someone of a different faith than I was when we were first interested in each other.

He was actually the one in the relationship who did not have a problem with my beliefs, and totally supports me in them to the point of joining me in ritual so I don't have to do it alone (as I am geographically isolated from other Druids at this time, in contrast to a couple of years ago when I was part of a large grove). He has been a wonderful partner in this respect, even though our belief systems are different.

We now live in a small place, but when we lived in a larger house where I was able to dedicate a room to altars and such, he did ask to put the Sacred Heart and the Virgin in the room too, because that reflected his spirituality. I had no problem with it, and neither did the grove I was part of. Right now he doesn't have that inclination, but when we take holidays we usually end up in a catholic church lighting votives in honor of his mother, a devout catholic, who really appreciates us doing so. No problem for me in doing that.

So it has all worked out--I was the only one in the relationship who thought that it might not. How about that...

Ghiúis

[Aghaveagh]

Thank you for your reply, Ghiuis.


My discussion with my husband didn't go as well as I had hoped, but I am hoping he will ease up with time. I explained Druidry as best I could, and logged him on to both the OBOD and the AODA's websites; he has a firm thought stuck in his head that all Druids are pagan satan-worshippers or some such nonsense. He said he won't stop me, but I doubt he will be very supportive. Anyway I am hoping that once he sees that I am not dancing naked in front of burning crosses he will come around. I made an effort to go with him to a social gathering for the church as well--trying to show him that I'm not abandoning him...we'll see how this goes.

Bright blessings to you all.

[skydove]

Hi ,
Just give your husband plenty of time to adjust may be a year or two and don't rush changes. My John still asks without fail if when I go to a grove meeting we are all running round naked. He has recently attended a couple of our rituals so knows better now and actually likes druids instead of when I first started, thinking of them as 'weirdos'. Initially he must have felt very threatened by what I was I was getting involved in but now after time he even defends what we do and what we stand for to other people.
I think like Selene gradually as you begin to get more confident in your path the change in you becomes more noticeable to others and your husband in a positive way. It was not just him who adjusted I had to learn to be frank and very open about what I was doing and made sure I included him as much as possible as he is in fact the love of my life
and I wanted us to both move forward together him alongside me even if not totally walking in my footsteps. I think also it's learning to give deep respect your partner maybe even more than you did before you found druidry and I think this respect also grows in your attitudes to others who are also not on your path. You can be anchored to who you are but free to enjoy others for what they are, you are not so bothered about what others think you just learn to be the best you can be and in a way enjoy being and living as yourself. Just use your instincts and follow your heart particularly in relation to your husband.

[Aghaveagh]

Hi skydove,

Thank you so much for posting. Sounds like your situation is somewhat what I am going to be facing. After more talks, my DH has let me know that it's more than just uncomfortable; he's flat out not happy with my choice. So I will have to figure out how to come to terms with that. I think as we all have said, that given time it will be an understanding at least.

I do not think that two people must be on the same spiritual path to be married, or to have a happy successful marriage; but he does.

You are right on with this part:

I think also it's learning to give deep respect your partner maybe even more than you did before you found druidry and I think this respect also grows in your attitudes to others who are also not on your path. You can be anchored to who you are but free to enjoy others for what they are, you are not so bothered about what others think you just learn to be the best you can be and in a way enjoy being and living as yourself.

Thank you for those thoughts. I really hope that this becomes a visible improvement between us, I think that would convince him more than anything of the benefits of me being on this path.

Just use your instincts and follow your heart particularly in relation to your husband.

Thank you.

[truthseeker]

I found Ross Nicholson's "The Book of Druidry" very useful to clarify where Christianity and Druidry meet

I was looking up this book to purchase and found two books by Ross Nichols called The Book of Druidry. One was called The Book of Druidry : History, Sites and Wisdom and the other just The Book of Druidry. The covers are different and so were the prices. Are they different books? I am interested in the one that Andromeda is talking about.

Thank you

[Aghaveagh]

Truthseeker,

I think it was this book: http://www.amazon.com/Book-Druidry-Ross-Nichols/dp/0785824952 that was recommended. I could be wrong, but I think this was the one.

[truthseeker]

Thank you for the reply. I am still considering the link between the two and am interested in learning what I can. Does anyone know if it's possible for me to get access to the Druid- Christian Path threads? Who do I talk to for that?


Thank you to everyone for their help.

[Selene]

Hi, truthseeker,

Send a PM to Katsu, the Druid-Christian forum group leader. I don't think he visits the board daily but he'll let you in as soon as he can.

[truthseeker]

Thank you Selene. Message sent.

[TreyWard]

My druidry has managed to change both myself and my wife.

Without going into the (very lengthy) whole story, since beginning my bard/druid path, I have religiously shifted from being a Celtic Christian to being what I can only describe as something of a Christopagan Druid, or perhaps a Culdee. I am hesitant to use the latter term, as I believe the Ceile De order has something of a claim to the term. Though my own spiritual path overlaps with the Ceile De extensively, I am not a member of their order, so I am not sure how they would feel about me claiming to be a Culdee Druid, despite the convenience the label may afford.

My views were forced to change when I essentially had the goddess Brigid (not the saint. This was very distinct to me) appeared to me, unprompted, during a meditation. Though I still feel that Jesus plays a role in my spiritual life, I was forced to recognize that other spirits, be they gods or otherwise, not only exist, but have an interest in my spiritual path and want to be involved with it and to help me.

As for my wife, she had been a Christian for her whole life, although always much more spiritual than religious. After spending time around my OBOD seedgroup and talking with me about my shift in belief (perhaps more accurately, an expansion in belief), she has come to question her own beliefs. I feel no small amount of guilt for this, despite her claims that it is for the best. She finally told me that she is now agnostic. She believes in a spiritual aspect of life, but has no idea what form it may take for her. She knows that she cannot go back to her old path, and unfortunately, it has caused some tension between her and her mother.

Having my own spiritual views blown wide open was dramatic enough for me, but despite logically knowing that her change is a product of growth, I still feel responsible for the turmoil it has brought. I am becoming more comfortable with my own path now, and I hope that one day my wife will be able to find her own spiritual home. Until then, though, I have vowed to be a support for her, not a prod. It is not my job to decide her path or push her, but to just be there during her own journey.

By the way, if you are still experiencing conflict with your husband, I think the writings of John Philip Newell would be helpful. He is an excellent writer, a scholar of Celtic Christianity, and a reverend and former Abbot of the isle of Iona. I recommend that you both take a look at Listening for the Heartbeat of God: a Celtic Spirituality and Christ of the Celts: the Healing of Creation, both by Newell. He is one of my favorite spiritual authors and shows that the historical Celtic Christian path is still viable today. I believe it will provide a middle road of common ground for you.

http://salvaterravision.org/publications