Every kid is so different. Connor did not really sleep through the night till he was over a year old. Because I was so sick, my husband would get up with him at night. I found out later about the thryoid condition, but at the time, my hubby was so dear. So, as long as someone attends to him....and later, when distressed at night, he would call out for dad. I knew why though, and was ok with that.
After doing the reading, though, there were times I found myself just going with what my intuition told me he needed. Connor has a unique mix of myself and my husbands temperment, and that means now we do a lot of work with soothing, especially when he is upset. I am not sure, but I think he used to get itchy from slightly dry skin as a baby, and would fuss over it. He still does now. Once I put a mild moisturizer on him (we live in a dryer climate), he was fine. Once he could talk, well, it got better.
What is big here is using signing with kids that are having trouble with picking up language skills. My son taught me a few of the signs, and I would do them with him too. I would get a lot of "wait", "more", and so forth. It really helps. My son attends a daycare that mixes special needs kids and normal kids. So, he gets a lot of learning opportunities, and has been allowed to toilet train at his own rate. At four and half, after spending about a year talking to him about it, him exploring all the parts of going to use it, daddy showing him how to use "his parts", etc, he just one day did it. Because of the special needs focus, he could do that at this daycare, but not at others.
I also use a transitioning ritual with him each time I take him there. Hug, kiss, and off. Sometimes, when he is really into the activity there, he will just say "bye mom." It works well for me to let him know that I will see him later. Very happy kid. So, all the attending as a baby helped him be more secure as a young kid, and the daycare also uses empathy as a way of teaching further about their feelings. Feeling language is used, and when they act on impulse, the teacher asks them to look at the face of the other child. So, the impact of the actions show up. Cause and effect....till Connor reacts to a limit dad set for him and said Daddy, look at my face. Do I look happy to you?"
I just wish that more was spent on teaching people that it is the attending to the child, not the actual "breastfeeding or not", or "co-sleeping" or not, or some other practise. Attachment is not created from techniques. It is attending consistently and quickly enough to reassure the child. And, for the record, if Connor cried and I had to use the toilet, I went to the toilet, and reassured him. I was always one to talk to him as a baby, so he always got some kind of response. "I was telling him calmly I was nearby and would be there soon." Worked well, but every one is different. I also spent a lot of time holding him, rubbing his back and would deliberately deep breath holding him, to get him to slow his breathing down. Under two, what you feel they feel, so I would try to use all those skills to help him. Ocassionally, now I still do it.
I just found for me, attachment parenting seems to be described differently if it is from birth to older, or if one is adopting. With babies, it seemed that people focused more on the "doing" part without a whole lot of the "why". For me, because my experience showed me "why" it was important, I could navigate the waters of the how a little better. Plus, I was older when my son was born (36), so some person giving me advice, well, I was secure enough in me that I just went with what I thought would work for me, as all of us do. So, I breastfeed all day, and in the evening, I used a bottle, with a special nipple for breastfeed babies, that the special care nursery nurse at the hospital told me about. Connor was one of those babies who could go from breast to bottle from the beginning, which helped allow my husband to help with feeding him. By doing it most of the day, I was not so worn out, as my diabetes and thryroid condition made sleep so needed for recharging.
Iris has attachment disorder. It only comes out when she is insecure, or if she is feeling uncomfortable with the intimacy of the situation. I head off the tantrums by intervening really early with her, before she gets really aroused, because once she is upset, it is really really hard for her to calm down. This is the damage that gets done with a lack of trust. And, because of neglect from that early time, and the foster parents feeding her fruit, she takes some comfort in eating lots of fruit for snacks, but also goes through "feast and famine" patterns at times, reacting to stressors. She will also become quite stubborn at times, and I still have to link choice with effect in dealing with her, as the limit seems to come at her " from the sky" in her mind. With more time, she is becoming more secure, and the better her attachment goes, her misbehaviour goes away. Even with some older children, this kind of attachment focusin responding to the child's behaviours can really help. It just works a little differently with the older children. Hard to do, though, because an older child going through "fussy baby" looks way scarier to a caregiver or parent...and, they can talk, but they will regress so bad, that talking almost makes no sense. No one technique or approach works in any situation.