When Authority has a Vendetta...

[Zylah]

I'd like to request positive thoughts/energy/whatever in my direction for the rest of this semester - but especially for tomorrow.

I have no doubt some of you here can relate to the situation I am encountering, where a boss (in my case, instructor) who has authority to take away your livelihood takes a virulent dislike to you as a person for no apparent reason, and as a result begins to tear apart your work and create problems, even deliberately.

I know it sounds paranoid or extreme; I do not make this judgment lightly. My second clinical rotation began 2 weeks ago, and I have gone from a very positive evaluation from my first instructor to being threatened with clinical failure, which means expulsion from the nursing program with no possibility of re-entry in this lifetime. It's a long story and I won't bog down the board with details (how's THAT for a nice change, LOL); but it has become abundantly clear to me that this instructor has it in for me. For instance, she documented that I had not handed some paperwork in, but then it turned out she had it in her possession all along; she now documents that I did not hand in MORE paperwork, and I am somewhat suspicious that in fact it is in the same place my other "UNSUBMITTED" paperwork disappeared to.

I do not claim to be perfect, and I know I have in fact misunderstood her directions at least once, and made a few mistakes. However, none of the mistakes are dangerous, and I have not made more or less errors than the others in my clinical group. I am, however, the only one the instructor has threatened with failure.

Tomorrow I have an appointment with my counselor, and I am going to also try to speak with my advisor (who is also the clinical instructor I had first, who gave me a positive eval). Several members of my clinical group have volunteered to come in and confirm what they have seen and heard; friends of mine who are practicing RNs have told me that my mistakes are not only to be expected in a Nursing 101 student, but they're not uncommon mistakes even during a good career.

Last Friday the instructor gave me the unenviable homework assignment of explaining in as many words as it took me, why I am such a screwup. I did my best to evaluate objectively, and admitted my own shortcomings as I and others saw them. However, I also defended myself, which apparently displeases her.

I love the patients I've had, and they love and trust me; I know this because of what they say after I'm gone for the day. Nursing is extremely difficult, but very rewarding. I believe I have a potentially very fruitful career in this field, which I don't want destroyed by a vindictive instructor.

[Aurora]

Hi Zylah,

and best of luck for you in this situation. It can be horrible when your instructor who is supposed to be helping you is doing the opposite.

Are you able to request a move to a different instructor? I know when i did my RN's clinical training there were students who clashed with the instructor and after being reviewed were able to be moved elsewhere, Considering you had a good report from your last instructor and your fellow students are willing to support you side in this current situation you might have a good chance.

All the best for you though,

Blessings Aurora

[mwyalchen]

Best of luck.

It does sound like you are dealing with this very well, and so you probably don't need this next piece of advice!

But, just in case: make sure you document everything about this, preferaby as it happens, signed and dated!

[merryb]

Hi,

I am so sorry you are in this position - the advice about documenting every incident is very wise. if you give in paper work ask her for areceipt have one written out beforehand.

Can you give to your advisor copies of the missing paper work and the date you handed it in. From experience I know that you have to be careful to be totally professional in all your dealings with this woman and try not to run her down with other students.

I suspect that this women is what I call "an angry ghost" and may have unresolved problems in previous lives and also in this life. Because of your spiritual work she may be reacting unconsciously against your spiritual journey and growth in this life. These souls feed on their power to harm and dine on your fear. She may also, unconsciously, be feeding of the other negative beings that surround you through your husband.

While in your Scared Grove or meditating sending positive energy to the situation each day can help. Also send her blessings and healing - a hard call - but it opens a window for your fear of her, and her potential to harm, to escape and for you to meet her in a calm professional manner.

Crystal can help wear them or carry one with you. Kunzite is calming nd promotes good communiction, and helps clear negativity from you enviroment, Perhnite would work to heal you and also is believed to connect with archangel Raphael and helps to prepare you for whatever comes your way. There are lots of other stones that are benifical.

If you have a symbol that you use in healing drawing it in light around where you work with your eyes,and/or draw it on the palm of your hand - Awen springs to mind as you need to draw on your resilence and creativity.

I hope this helps - sending you Reiki
With blessings and light
Merry B

[Dendrias]

Zylah,
I've been in this kind of situation, as well. My headmaster bullied me and then wrote a personnel review that kicked me out of the school system, out of the job I have been trained for that is - for one and a half year. Luckily I have come into the system again and got a personnel review far more positive.
In fact, before I was actually kicked out of business, I quit the job. The bullying plus the perspective of having to endure it one or two more months made me think that being jobless was better that this headmaster.

All the best to You.

[merryb]

Hi Dendrias,

Ouch I can feel the pain and unjustice of what happened to you. I am glad you are back teaching - you sound as if you have a lot to give. I was also teaching when I met the "angry ghost" that caused me extreme hassle - I survived by just being professional jumping a few hoops and being the good teacher I was, and being a member of a teacher's union.

with blessing and light
Merryb

[Nicholaas]

Zylah,

As a fellow health care professional, I can tell you that crotchety/angry/bitter instructors are a dime a dozen. Dealing with sick patients day in and day out can take its toll on you; some people simply can't handle it and part of them breaks under the stress. Or, she's just a miserable b*tch bent on spreading her malcontent with life. Who knows. Look at it this way: you have walking, talking example of what you never want to become. That, and once your schooling is complete, you won't have to take this kind of sh*t from her. I know that's not exactly comforting in the immediacy of the situation, but it's something to remember when doing your clinicals.

[wolfsbane]

Hey Zylah,

Hope all went well. Positive energy coming your way.

[Dendrias]

How's it going, one month a one day afterwards? What does Your silence mean?

[merryb]

Hi Zylah,

Like Dendrias I am hoping that everything is ok with you. Please give us a nudge sometime.

With blessings and light
Merryb

[Zylah]

Thanks so much, everyone who contributed. I've been through a really difficult time of it since I wrote the original post. The result of repeated confrontations, and meetings with both the dean and director of nursing, was that I withdrew without a penalty for the semester. There was no possibility of switching clinical groups/instructors, and there was no possibility that this instructor was going to give me a passing grade. They wanted me to come back, and kept my seat open, but politics prevented them from supporting me directly. I told them I'd consider starting again, but wasn't sure.

I was extremely depressed, as you might imagine. Then, a few things happened.

The catalyst was that a very old friend of mine messaged me on Facebook that he'd dreamed something he thought might be significant. In this dream, he was ill; he asked me what I recommended, and I told him chrysanthemum tea. He woke, looked it up, and found that my dream-self was correct. He then suggested this dream might be indicative of a direction for me to take, rather than going back and trying the nursing program over again.

I didn't think much of it, but a day or so later I did a search for naturopathic medicine. There are seven accredited universities in North America that provide education in this field. I had assumed that because of the unfriendly climate still existing between mainstream and naturopathic medicine, with mainstream having the real clout in our society, there would be no direct path to what my ultimate goal has always been: midwife with subspecialties in herbal remedies and massage therapy. I was, apparently, wrong.

My goal is now Bastyr University in Washington State; first to major in Herbal Science, then in Naturopathic Medicine (which includes all of my goals and more). To get there, I need to take more rigorous courses in natural science than I've had yet; it'll take me a while.

I admit I was dismayed when my Bastyr advisor told me that the sciences offered at my old school were not sufficient to qualify me; that place has a prestigious nursing program, so I expected their sciences to be fairly good to excellent. Unfortunately this is not the case; cellular components of biology have been grossly under-represented, except in my anatomy/physiology classes (and that was only because we had the toughest prof in the school by far - a bit scary, too; has Bible verses about God's judgment Scotch-taped to his office door!).

In any case, we'll be moving cross-country fairly soon for other reasons, and I'm confident of finding the natural sciences I need out there.

I also came across a book recently called 'The Door in the Dream', dealing with the top female scientists in 3 cohorts; it is designed to encourage women to pursue science despite society's continued bias against female scientists. Largely aimed at research science, I nonetheless found it really encouraging as an aspiring practical scientist as well.

Bottom line, I would never have known Bastyr University existed if things had not gone down the toilet with my nursing instructor. I would have taken a roundabout route in an effort to achieve goals using tools I don't really agree with; instead, I am aiming for a school whose philosophy AND methods I can heartily agree with. The semesters I had in nursing school taught me all I need to know about mainstream medicine, as well as giving me priceless clinical experience and confidence with patients.

And now one day I can (at least metaphorically) walk up to that instructor and say: "I'm not a nurse, because of you. But I AM a doctor, because of ME."

[Susanne]

Hey Zylah
I was wondering how this all turned out & I'm so glad to hear that you are starting out with confidence on this new path. You make me wish that I could turn the clock back 30 years & take it with you!
I came to nursing as a second career but even as a 40 year old nursing student I dealt with some of the same kind of people you describe. Unfortunately you got involved with a really bad one, but as the saying goes....what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.... The universe seems to be steering you in the right direction and you are strong!
So study with joy (OK, maybe not joy but enthusiasm ) & I hope all goes well for you.
I'm off to put on my scrubs & go to work....
Blessings
Sue

[Aurora]

Thanks for letting us know how it all turned out and i'm glad despite all the difficulties you experienced you have managed to find something positive out of it and a more defined life direction.

Wishing you the best of luck on your new path

[merryb]

Good luck on your move and new start. I am so glad you have emerged again on the message board you were missed..
Wishing you blessing and joy
Merryb

[cursuswalker]

I REALLY wish I'd seen this thread a few months ago.

As someone who has had a teaching career sytematically torn to shreds by a malicious head teacher I truly can sympathise with anyone in a similar situation.

If only bosses were appointed as much for their emotional intelligence as for their general intelligence. SO many problems could be avoided that way.

Personally I am finding that the darker side of my druidry is now very helpful in confronting the way I was treated and in giving others as many reasons as possible not to treat anyone else in such a disgusting way. I am acting efficiently, professionally and without mercy.

[Zylah]

Thanks for your support and encouragement, merry, Sue, and Aurora It is much appreciated!

I REALLY wish I'd seen this thread a few months ago.

As someone who has had a teaching career sytematically torn to shreds by a malicious head teacher I truly can sympathise with anyone in a similar situation.

If only bosses were appointed as much for their emotional intelligence as for their general intelligence. SO many problems could be avoided that way.

Personally I am finding that the darker side of my druidry is now very helpful in confronting the way I was treated and in giving others as many reasons as possible not to treat anyone else in such a disgusting way. I am acting efficiently, professionally and without mercy.

I hate to hear of this, cursus; my sister-in-law was viciously undermined at the beginning of her teaching career also, and now works in a totally different field. So although I know none of the details in your case I am familiar with some of the ways this can happen to an excellent teacher. I wish you greater fulfillment ahead than you've even imagined so far!

As for the darker side of druidry, I saw there's a thread with that title, and I'm curious to see what people have to say on the subject. It brings up immediate associations for me, personally, but I look forward to seeing what it means for others. Off to read that thread!

[cursuswalker]

Thanks for your support and encouragement, merry, Sue, and Aurora It is much appreciated!

I REALLY wish I'd seen this thread a few months ago.

As someone who has had a teaching career sytematically torn to shreds by a malicious head teacher I truly can sympathise with anyone in a similar situation.

If only bosses were appointed as much for their emotional intelligence as for their general intelligence. SO many problems could be avoided that way.

Personally I am finding that the darker side of my druidry is now very helpful in confronting the way I was treated and in giving others as many reasons as possible not to treat anyone else in such a disgusting way. I am acting efficiently, professionally and without mercy.

I hate to hear of this, cursus; my sister-in-law was viciously undermined at the beginning of her teaching career also, and now works in a totally different field. So although I know none of the details in your case I am familiar with some of the ways this can happen to an excellent teacher. I wish you greater fulfillment ahead than you've even imagined so far!

As for the darker side of druidry, I saw there's a thread with that title, and I'm curious to see what people have to say on the subject. It brings up immediate associations for me, personally, but I look forward to seeing what it means for others. Off to read that thread!

Fortunately in my case they did genuinely screw up in a way that is evidenced. But it has still taken 2 years to establish this.

Having the will to persist does tap into a dark side of my character. Especially when you scent blood. Feeling your level of motivation rise is those circumstances is definitely related to a place in the human psyche you don't talk about at dinner-parties.