Experiencing death on my birthday

[morgane_snowy_owl]

Hello fellow druids,

I need to share what I'm experiencing right now, it's just too intense to be kept inside. I am a psychologist and I work with cancer patients in a hospital setting. Since April, I've been working with women who have gynecological cancer. Some of these cancers are tough, so some of my patients end up in palliative care and I accompany them until they die.

Today, precisely an hour ago, one of my patients, Jeanine, passed away. She was special to me because I had been accompanying her for several weeks. She has explored meditation and -her son just told me a few minutes ago - esoterism too. Because of that, we connected together, she and I. I saw her Light and she saw mine, it came to us naturally and it was beautiful. I visited her every day when she was transferred in palliative care.

The last time we talked, she looked at me intensely and she told me, "You are so beautiful...". She was literally skin and bones, quite a scary sight, but I thought she was absolutely beautiful too... She gave me a wonderful gift, because my life has been turned upside down since I was initiated a bard, and I've grown tremendously. Her saying that... just validates that I'm a different person now. I say that because, had we met a year ago, I would have been bothered by the way we would have clashed... her being so Water and Earth, and me being so Fire and Air.

Her son let me take two artificial sunflowers from the bouquet she kept in her hospital room. That bouquet was so special to her, it had been the centerpiece on her dining room table for years, and she often marveled at how it could brighten up her whole hospital room just by being there. Now, some of these flowers are on my desk and they will brighten my days. They're already "winking" at me!

When I was in the room talking to her son, with her lying in the bed with some sunflowers under her crossed hands, I felt her come to me. Her energy was incredibly sunny and warm, and so joyful and free! She passed her "arm" around my shoulders and it felt like her saying thank you and goodbye. She seemed happy to see me there. And I understood at that moment that me being there for her son, whom I was meeting for the first time, was a way to honor her beyond her death.

Before I left her room, I went to her body and touched her. It was a powerful experience. I could feel that she was no longer in that body. Her skin was getting cold, her eyes were half open, her mouth was open. I placed my hand on her forehead... Nwyfre was definitely gone from her body, it was obvious. I've seen dead people before, but never like that. I had never touched a corpse, but this time I just had to. That emptiness burned my hand for several minutes afterwards.

...and all this happened on my birthday, of all days. I am very aware, right here, right now, of the cycle of Life and Death. I was born on my belgian grandma's birthday... and Jeanine left us on that day... so very humbling. I wish her a wonderful time in Summerland, and I already know that she'll choose to reincarnate. So at the same time, I also wish her a very happy life.

Thank you for reading this, it's a privilege to share that moment with people who can understand its deeper meaning.

Yours humbly in the Peace of the Grove,

Sophie

[Zylah]

Sophie -

I do understand (health-care professions unite, lol) some of what you shared - not everything of course. I have never had such a special experience with a patient; not yet. It's a strange meeting of grief and ethereal pleasure when death happens in a special, remarkable way that leaves a legacy of joy or love or peace instead of desolation.

Consider it a birthday gift ; I think you already do. Every blessing to you

[Golden Eagle]

Wow, a powerful experience, and you tell it beautifully.
So sad and yet also very heartening.

[skydove]

Thank you for sharing that with us Sophie, what a deep experience and what a priviledge knowing that lady and how glad she must of been to have you at her side as her friend. I expect you will never look on death the same way again, I feel quite uplifted and strengthened reading it.
Many blessings, and happy birthday for yesterday.

[morgane_snowy_owl]

Thank you, GoldenEagle and Skydove, for your wonderful posts.

That experience, along with listening to Isaac Bonewits' talk on Druidcast, is a wonderful preparation for the Sabbats to come!

[merryb]

What a privelege to share the that time with such a beautiful lady. Thank you for sharing
with blessing and light.
Merryb

[Nikki 2]

Thank you for posting such a moving and inspiring story. I read it with a lump in my throat - and yet it also made me smile. You must have been a great comfort to her in those last days and together you clearly shared something very precious.
BB Nikki.

[treegod]

Thank you very much for sharing. Much appreciated

Blessings,
Adam

[Amthezia]

Sophie, I'm writing this with tears on my cheeks.... What a beautiful gift/experience she gave you. And you really write beautifully.
Thank you

[morgane_snowy_owl]

merryb, Nikki, Adam and Amthezia, thank you so much for your wonderful comments; their warmth and the sense of community they give me truly makes my day!