For Those Left Behind

[Lady Nimue]

Over the Rainbow Bridge....there they wait for you.


But until the day you are reunited....you are left behind.
Left behind to grieve, question, and mourn.
The unanswered questions, and the deep void are a part of the process, that can be easier with support from those that understand.

We do.

The purpose of this thread is to be a grief support system for any who need it.
You are invited to be yourself.
There is no defined "topic".....only the purpose to serve, and to heal. Also the is a link below to a brilliant article contributed by our Crystal Dragon.

Please let each of us who have been left behind, form in counsil....so that we can remember, and smile.



http://www.pagan-transitions.org.uk/rituals/petber.htm





In Service,
Your Moderators

[Donata]

Thank you for setting up our Memorial 'Garden' for our beloved companions. They leave us, but we remember. Each one is so different, and remains in our hearts with their own special memories.

Remembering Slippers, the cocker spaniel of my early childhood
Remembering Sparrow, my childhood/teen St. Bernard
Remembering Rocky, the Boxer who barked at my dates!
Remembering Tara, my own St. Bernard
Remembering Deva, my German Shepherd mix
Rembering Gaya, my German Shepherd
Rembering Loki, my rescue German Shepherd.

for beloved friends, my own and everyone else's.

BB
Donata

[Lady Nimue]

Remembering is wonderful.....but can be painful, especially in the early days.

I remember whenever I would shower, Sandi would lie in front of the doorway. She was protecting me, and just "being" with me.

I really encourage anyone who would like to discuss a loss, to please post. Loving them, sometimes means questioning yourself and guilt, when losing them.
I know I bear much in my heart.

[Dryadia2]

I will always miss my 'Kiddo', my loving and amusing horse companion from Jr. High, thru Sr. High and beginning of college.  We were together 8 years, then I had to transfer colleges and move, and couldn't bring him with me (I still feel guilty about that).  I gave him to a sweet girl to take care of, but we lost contact because I moved, and I never knew what became of Kiddo in his senior years.  I don't know when he died, but every year on his 'birthday' (he was born April 10, 1963), I still think of him, and the birthday 'cakes' I used to make him out of a 'flake' of hay (5 lb flat section of a bale) , with carrots sticking up like candles, with a pile of Omolene (sweet feed with oats, corn, barley, molasses).  Kiddo loved carrots and would whinny and trot over to the fence when he heard me coming (bump bump over the cattle guards with my bicycle).  He was the smartest and sweetest horse I've every known, and would follow me around like a puppy.  We would spend hours together at the stable, just hanging out, and I would brush him until his coat was glossy.

I miss him so much, and I still cry over 'loosing' him, after all these years.  
For Kiddo.  :hug:

/|\

[Donata]

I have guilt and regret over Loki, my senior rescue German Shepherd. He was confused for about 3 wks, and then bonded so closely with me!  more than any other dog I've known.

I went on my annual festival camping trip. It's expensive to board two dogs, and a friend volunteered to dogsit, much reduced fee. She said she'd leave about 7:30 a.m. for work, and be back about 5:30 pm. I thought that would be OK. Actually she never came back until 9 0r 10. My day to come home was a Sunday, driving from Canada, held up a couple of hours by the friend I was driving with his prolonged goodbyes, then for a couple of hours on the bridge to US, and then a long drive to drop him off. It was dark when I reached my home in the woods. My friend had left early in the morning.

I found blood everywhere! apparently  Loki - he was covered in blood - had killed an animal. I found the tail. I cleaned up the blood - yuck - and thought nothing more of it.

Apparently the animal was diseased (which is probably why it was vulnerable), and thus began a long slow process of Loki bleeding intermittingly from his mouth and refusing to eat. Blood tests, X-rays, examinations, didn't show what the problem was. Finally another blood test showed the cause, and the recommendation of antibiotics. They were given, but it was too late. My poor boy continued to lose weight, no appetite even with vitamin shots.

Finally I had to let him go. It was so painful! and I can't help but think that he might still be with me if I hadn't wanted to save a double kennel bill. I miss him so much.

Yes, pain and regrets linger.

Donata

[Dryadia2]

Our beloved companions will remain in our hearts, forever...
May the good memories and happy times remain...
As we let go of the hurt, sorrow, pain, we may feel...
Let us gather ourselves up, and embrace the love we feel for our beloved companions...
And share this love with each other, all beings, to heal the wounds of guilt, sorrow, pain...

[Earthwoman]

Remembering fondly the following:

Dollie, a basset hound during my young childhood
Missy, a grey, brown, and white calico cat who shared my childhood with me; she was a part of the family for 12 years.
Eve, the family cocker spaniel
Chloe, my youngest sister's dog who won everyone's heart
Patches, a brown and black calico cat who adopted me when I was on my way to college
Mutant, a basset hound who adopted my husband and then me during our college years
Scrap, a kitten my husband found and rescued in the machine shop where he worked
Shanty, son of Eve and best friend/partner in crime of Scrap
Beady, a British Blue who lived with us for eleven years before succumbing to cancer and blindness
Valentine, a terrier who succumbed to Parvo, much too early in life
Shadow, a huge Maine coon with a big heart--in every respect
Puppy, a dear friend, for a short time
Sophie, a Westie, and my canine sister

For these furry loved ones

and for the loved ones whom each of you has lost

[Crystal Dragon]

Thank you Lady Nimue for setting this up, I think it is a lovely idea. A few years ago now, following a very traumatic pet death that haunted me day and night for many months, I studied to become a Pet Bereavment Counsellor and this helped me greatly. The other positive outcome from this is that I can now help others. Just as a thought perhaps it might be possible also to include here people that are caring for a sick or injured animal as this can also be a time when a little friendly support can go a long way.

[Lady Nimue]

CD, I appreciate your skills and knowledge. We are very lucky to have you here to help us.
I havent trained, but unfortunately because of my experiences and job, have tried to help others....and myself. But its not always easy, is it. Platitudes, regardless of how well intented, sometimes dont speak to the sorrow.....people you know love you, soon grow impatient of your grief, and then you isolate yourself because mourning still serves you.

In this thread, I want us to talk until we feel better.....limitless understanding.

[Crystal Dragon]

I very much agree with you Lady Nimue and that is why I think that this is an excellent idea of yours. Only to often family and friends tend to dismiss the effect a pet's death can have and the grief experienced can be so very intense. It is so important to be able to work through the grief which at times can take a very long period of time and it is vitally important not to 'bottle up' emotions. As strange as it may seem about 12 years ago now, I had to learn how to grieve, I needed some one to tell me it was OK to cry, to show emotion, to mourn.

I hope many will find comfort and support here.

[Lady Nimue]

Dryadia...you have such a beautiful way with words.

Oh Donata...I would have felt the same guilt.
But you thought your friend was reliable....you never would have intentionally hurt your baby.

Earthwoman....Im so sorry, again. These are the early days....I dont envy your intense range of emotions.

CD, Its so interesting, you learning to mourn. I think we all need that lesson...to be able to mourn purely, without pretense or insecurity.
I tend to withdraw, and think and feel. I dont want to burden others....especially after awile has past. The placating look just invalidates your sorrow, IMO, even if they are trying to be sincere. Its hard.

[paganbaby]

Spot was a huge part of my life, my mum and grandad got him for me when i was 5yrs old. He was a fantastic dog, always running around, playing, licking, giving cuddles, he would always stick his head under your chin and lean against your body with his paw over your arm, he hated being left alone, He had several operations on his ears because he would shake his head and the blood vessles would burst. He developed arthiritis of the spine, when he was around 11yrs old, and the vet treated him, nearing the end of his life, he started to go a little demented, and incontinent, he had problems with his prostate and suffered fits preiodically. The week before xmas 2005 my mum took him to the vet cause he seemed to have hurt his paw, but it got better with a little rest. On the night of the 27th Dec my mum called and had told me that he had taken a turn for the worst and that she had booked him in to see the vet the following morning. I felt bad because i couldnt be there and i knew that i wasnt going to see him again. My mum took him to the vet that morning and the vet told my mum there was nothing else she could do for him, and her options were either to take him home, or to put him to sleep. It wasnt fair to take him home to suffer so my mum made the hardest choice ever and had him put to sleep. She called me when she got home and i just knew he had passed over. Later that day i called to arrange his cremation and getting his ashes sent to my mum, she was in no fit state to do it.
I miss him very much and sometime feel guilty that i didnt get to see him before he passed over, but i know that he is in the summerlands running and jumping and having fun again.  :candle:  :rainbow:  :candle:

[Crystal Dragon]

Thank you for posting about Spot on this thread paganbaby and it is clear that he was very much loved and enjoyed a happy life with your family. Spot also did very well in reaching the age of 17 years, a friend and companion to you whilst you were growing up - you must have many happy memories to remember Spot by and you will never forget him.

The feeling of guilt you mention is a common one following any bereavement, it is all part of the grieving process and includes the thoughts about - did we make the right decision, could we have done any more, if only we had tried....etc. etc. Another way of looking at it is that perhaps you were not meant to be there with Spot at the time of his passing, sometimes things work out differently for a reason. By not being with Spot at that time at least you remember him as he was, rather than having the memories of his passing in your mind.

As previously mentioned Spot will always be with you, when he comes to mind remember the many happy times you shared, smile at his memory and send him your love

[silverwitch]

I have just had to put my 12 year old dog,czar, to sleep. He was whinning in pain from his arthritus and going blind, deaf. I really feel that its so hard to make these decisions. Even though you know its the right thing to do for them. I cant seem to stop crying and i had to take the day off work.

its so quiet here now, that its deafing.

i hope to see him again, in summerlands one day.

all my love boy,

silverwitch

[Dryadia2]

For Czar
For you, Silverwitch

[Lady Nimue]

Oh Silverwitch....I am so sorry.
Its quiet...I know. But its in the quiet times that you will see him clearly.
He knows your love and is with you.



You are not alone.

[Twig]

I'm so sorry that you have to experience this pain., Silverwitch. Czar is free from his pain, and you made that happen even though I'm sure it tore your heart out.

[Crystal Dragon]

for you Silverwitch, it takes courage and strength to make these hard decisions and your tears are perfectly natural at this time and will help to release your emotions.

for Czar

[Aigeann]

Please know...you did the right thing.

Understanding, comforting cyber hugs

[Faolan]

This still hurts to talk about even after 5 years. . .

I'm a city boy so my exposure to raising horses before moving to Maine was nil, my fiance however has been around horses since she was 6. When she inheirited the house she grew up in we bought a couple of Bashkir Curly horses to possibly breed for sale, the horse market is pretty slow now so the horses we have are now "family" and we are not breeding anybody.

We had a 6 month old colt, born from at the time our stallion Calypso and a mare we have since traded back to the original owner for an appaloosa/curly mare.

His name was D'artagnan and he was the spitting image of his mother with the gentle personality of his father.

We had D'ar in with a yearling mare we were training to wean him off mom, they liked to chase each other around as horses are wont to do. It was winter time, snow on the ground and a bit slippery. I was running late and didn't check on them like I usually did before I went to work that morning and my wife slept in later than usual. She's retired/on disability due to a work related knee injury.

We think they were playing their usual games and D'ar slipped and got himself into a little depression right by the gate and could not get his feet back under him. If a horse lays on its side too long their lungs can collapse, by the time my wife noticed he was not up and running around she said he was wheezing and would go into spasms if he tried to get up and he was too heavy for her to move by herself.

She called me at work, frantic I raced home and we managed to get him rolled onto a horse blanket but he still he could not get up.

I pleaded with our vet to come help. He tried for 2 hours to get him to stand including meds and a cattle prod. The vet said we could spend alot of money but that he may never be "right". In the end we had to put him to sleep and I broke my hand pounding on a wall in a rage.

If I had checked on them he might still be alive today! And I still live with that "what if"