For Those Left Behind

[Twig]

Faolan -- that is a heart-wrenching story, and terribly sad. The picture of the little colt is so loveable, and it's easy to tell how much you cared for him. Such a tragedy.

I don't think it's such a good idea to carry the guilt around, though. You truly did nothing wrong or out of the ordinary. It was an accident, pure and simple. I can't imagine those horrific last hours for you and your wife. I do understand the rage, but I hope you will not direct it at yourself.

Just today, I learned that my dog is having back problems, probably exacerbated by the little game routine we do which requires him to stand up on his back legs a lot. He lives to play this game, but I am feeling guility, like I should have known what could happen. I've had friends helping me to understand that his condition isn't my fault; dogs of his age (regardless of whether they play hard or not) can develop this problem.

The point is, we are just human beings here, and things happen that we don't understand. Please forgive yourself! You know D'ar would....

[Lady Nimue]

Oh Faolan...

I have my own "what if" stories, and they haunt.
I can tell you this. I dont believe animals are helpless, choiceless creatures in the Upper Realms. I believe they have much say in their passing. You did honour to your Horse and to people as a whole.
Please allow yourself to feel the love that babe has for you...you deserve it.

[Crystal Dragon]

Hi Faolan,

Echoing Twig and Lady Nimue's comments, the 'what if's' and guilt that we may experience at times in life, can be heavy burdens to carry and they also tend to come back and haunt us when least expected.
You must try to stop blaming yourself for what happened to D'ar. It is clear that you loved him dearly and gave him the best care you possibly could. Sometimes in life, things happen over which we have no control and it could just be, that it was D'ar's time to continue his onward journey.

It may help you to overcome your guilt by, when you have a few quite moments, either indoors or out, talk to D'ar and tell him that you feel that in some way you were to blame for his injury and death and that you carry a great burdon of guilt. Ask for his blessing and most importantly, tell D'ar you still love him greatly - although he will know that

[Twig]

It took me years to do that with a dog (Ramona) who graced my life when I was young, wild, and stupid. I gave her away (it pains me to even type that) because I was never home.

Almost twenty years later, when I was more aware of things spiritual, I "talked" to her. She,
of course, forgave me. I sobbed till I thought I would drown.

So, it's possible, Faolan. When the time is right, you'll know.

[Aigeann]

Like most of us here, I too have similar memories and emotions....

If at all possible, try to redirect your feelings into enjoying the time you have with the ones left. They will be grateful. They are all special.

Caring, understanding blessings, Aigeann

[Flidais]

Hello everyone
I had to have my dear dog Laddie put to sleep 2 weeks ago as on top of his arthritis he developed throat problems that caused him to struggle for breath, which was as bad to watch as it must have been for him to suffer.
We had him cremated and his ashes are still on the mantlepiece waiting for us to bury them in our little garden.
I always dreaded his passing and rightly so as the pain I feell is taking me over and as someone else has said the silence is deafening, especially when we get post or the paper delivered, as Laddie saw it as his place to protect us from such dangers
I know this pain will ease in time, but at present I feel as if I've had my heart cut out.
Love and blessings
Flidais xx

[Dryadia2]

Flidais,

May your sadness be eased by knowing that your precious Laddie is no longer suffering. May the happy memories of him, fill the emptyness.

For Laddie
For you, Flidais
Thoughts and Prayers,
Strength and Comfort,
Peace and Blessings,
/|\

[Twig]

Fidals -- There's no pain like the pain of losing a pet. It is brutal. Take your time with the grief.



I'm hoping Laddie is romping around in the Summerlands, breathing & running freely.

[Crystal Dragon]

I was so sorry to read your post this morning, Flidais. Whilst it may not feel like it at this time, taking that very difficult decision to let Laddie go 2 weeks ago can be seen as a last great act of friendship on your part for Laddie. Do not be in any hurry to bury Laddie's ashes, do it only when it feels right to you be it in a week, a months or a years time and when you do, try to do it as a celebration of Laddie's life - give thanks for Laddie's life and the many happy times you shared. You may even like to plant something over his ashes that as it grows and flowers, will bring you fond memories of Laddie. In many ways Laddie will always be with you, in your heart and all those memories.

I do know the intense pain and grief you are experincing at this time and yes it hurts.If you would like to pm me at any time, I am always here and I will help you with your grief if I can. My Blessings to you and your family at this time.

For Laddie

[Flidais]

Thankyou everyone for your kind words it has felt good talk be able to share with those who really understand the pain of a
loved pets dying, I know many people, especially those who have never had a pet, don't realize what we go through.
I have bought a little plaque with Laddies name on for the garden and a little glass memorial for the house with a few words from Rainbow bridge etched onto it.
I would also like to leave my love with all those who are grieving for their pets.
Love and blessings
Flidais xx

[Lady Nimue]

I have a plaque also, Flidais.
I am so glad that our support helped in some small way.
You can always come here...regardless of time passed.

[Flidais]

It has indeed helped me and not in a small way, It is a wonderful board, it helps us to feel less isolated in our grief and feel genuinely cared about.
Love and blessings
Flidais xxx

[Sam]

When I was in grade school I was bullied a lot. Not out in the open, but by some of the crueler girls in my school, online and whenever there was just a small group of them. This happened from about grade 4 or 5 until grade 8. In grade 7, when I turned 13, my mom and dad gave me horseback riding lessons for my present. I was so excited because I have always loved and been drawn to horses, even without knowing how to approach them, I walked up to and started petting one in a field one day. As I walked away, the owner came up astonished saying that the horse has never reacted so well to a stranger. I've always felt that while puppies and kittens are cute, and I love them, horses were always my special animal. Anyways, I started riding.
I rode 3 different horses my first year, the third I became attached to, a young mustang named Rhapsody (I always used to sing the Queen song to him and he would nod his head along with me as I cleaned him off for the lessons). Well Rhaps' owner was a young girl whose parents were splitting up and since I couldn't afford to buy him out from her, he was sold to someone else, and I was promoted (as I see it now) up to Georgian Bay, or Clyde as we knew him around the barn. The first time I got him out I cried the whole time I brushed his coat, picked his hooves and ended up clinging to his neck. He put his head down on my shoulder as if patting my back to comfort me. He was a big Clydesdale/Thoroughbred mix with feet the size of dinner plates and eyes with mountain ranges in them. He was a warm reddish brown with dapples all over. He had originally be trained as a cart horse, and had his tail docked, so it wasn't big and full like the other horses, but it made a good whip for showing his distaste when you were near his back end. Heh. He was full of character and quickly became the foundation and support of my life. Whenever things at school were going wrong, he'd be there to distract me, a big fuzzy shoulder to cry on and a caring ear when I just needed to talk. He was better than any boyfriend, best friend, or confident I'd ever dreamt of, and when I wanted to surprise him and make his day, I'd just grab a handful of clover from the grass outside. I competed and won many awards and ribbons with Clyde, over the 5 years I rode him. He kept me sane, and was my life saver, no doubt about it. He never whinnied, or made a sound asside from a snort when he was agreeing or clearing his nose...lol. But he spoke to me in my heart and soul, more words passed between us than I have spoken to any other living person.
When I went to university it all seemed to fall apart, Clyde had a stone abscess in his front hoof, and had to wait for that to heal, but while that was healing his back end started to weaken. So I came out three times a week and ran around with him in the arena, or outside when the weather was nice. He was so spirited still, we'd play games, he'd chase me around, then I'd stomp my feet and he'd play afraid. Those we the last days I had with him. Over the last 3 years I think I saw him 4 or 5 times, whenever I "had the time" which wasn't often. Finally this January or February, Libby called and said he wasn't doing so well, his back end was shot and he could barely stand, let alone get up and down from sleeping, and they couldn't watch it anymore. They were putting him down in the middle of March, whenever the ground was soft enough to dig. I never made it back out. I had planned a half dozen times that I would go out before work, after I finished this paper, on Friday before study group. It just never came together, and I couldn't find the time. Finally March 15th came, the final date to go see him, and I was too chicken sh*t to go. I looked at the calendar and came up with something else to do, because I couldn't watch him die. I didn't go out, and say goodbye, and he was buried in the front pasture, I never got to say goodbye.

The problem I've been having most, asside from kicking myself for being so selfish as to let my best friend die without me being there for him, was that I can't see him in my meditations anymore. I can feel him when I concentrate, but it's blurry, I can't see his face anymore. I got an email from Libby a few weeks afterwards in response to a joke I had sent her, and Libby said that she had buried him with his halter on. It's tradition to take it off, in representation of freeing his spirit to move on to the next incarnation, but she left it on, saying that he was a people horse and wouldn't want to be let go. So now I'm at a loss as to what to do. Some of my friends offered that I should burn a candle for him and visualize taking off the halter, but I can't see him anymore, so how does this work?

[Crystal Dragon]

Hello Sam,

Having read your post I just wanted to offer you a few words which I hope may be of help as I know the emotional pain you are feeling just now. Firstly, try not to be too hard on yourself for not visiting Clyde, visiting a person or animal that you know is dying can be very difficult and those final images are the ones that tend to stick in mind for a long time to come. At least you can remember Clyde as he was and all the happy times you shared together. That said, it is not too late to say your 'Goodbye' to Clyde and you will possibly find this of some comfort to do. You mention that you can't 'see' Clyde in your meditations and I think this may be because you are trying too hard - do you or Libby have any photo's that show Clyde's face, if so you may find this of help. The suggestion of lighting a candle in memory of Clyde and visualising removing his halter is IMO a good one. When you do this, you could also take the opportunity to send Clyde your love and blessings. Any words are suitable as long as they come from the heart and expressed with love, there are also some nice farewell poems to horses and you may like to read one to Clyde. As I say, just a few ideas for you.

With Blessings,

CD

[Malkin the Muse]

Hi Sam,
Just been reading your post. I think perhaps your friend wants you to remember him but maybe your grief and loss are clouding your visualisation of him. I had the same thing happen when I lost my cat Merlin at an early age - he literally died unexpectedly in my arms. For a long time I couldn't even think about him because I felt so guilty about not doing enough for him and remembering him in that was was far too painful to bear. I felt guilty for that too and ended up hating myself.

One morning I was lying in bed and i felt something 'parading' up and down the bed. It was heavy (Merlin was a big cat) and I felt the pressure and presence come up beside my head. All of a sudden i felt an icy cold sensation pass through my chest and the sound of purring, then it was gone. I believe it was Merlin coming to let me know he was still around and that he forgave me. i never forgot that.

I work with horses too and my friend lost her black Friesan Danny Boy in March. Dan was not your average horse and saying he was a handful is an understatement. He used to kick, bite, rear, headbutt you in the face and pin you up against the stable wall just because he could. none of the stable girls liked him and they were frightened of him and rightly so - he could be very aggressive and unpredictable. Friesans are meant to grow out of this phase but Dan didn't. nobody liked him and he knew it.
However, when I first met Dan, i was helping Mandy groom him and he thought he could take the mickey. Granted he took a chunk out of my back but I persevered. I was on my own with him one day and I tied him up in the stable so he couldn't rear, and put my hands on him. Within moments, he put his head down and all the tension just fell away. i ran my hands over his back, whithers and chest and he would nod off. Mandy was in shock and asked "how did you manage that?" I don't know, but Dan was young and insecure and his way of coping was to be aggressive. but dan soon realised that no matter how many times he would bite and kick me, I still loved him and was not afraid of him. I think that's why he resopnded.

I was out in the field on my own and Dan was there with no halter. Pretty stupid to get in a field with an untethered, aggressive horse, but I took a few bribes and managed to get into the field (he kept trying to stop me). But as I got in and pushed his nose away a few times (he was trying to bite) he relented. He put his nose under my arm and threw my arm into the air. he did it again, and again and he was letting me know he just wanted to play. So i played with him for a while until i left and that was the lst time i saw him.

I came back to the stables a few months later only to be told he had suffered a ruptured intestine (we was a habitual windsucker) and was throwing himself off the walls. he had to be put down I was devastated and the attitudes of some of the stable girls appalled me as they were glad to see the back of him. I was so angry. They are the kind of girls who call their horses 'stupid donkeys' when they act up. Yes they might do dressage and gymkhana but they really have no idea. Yes Dan was a pain at times but he had his moments. he was just lonely and insecure, and responded to how the girls treat him. He was hurting inside and he just rebelled. I hope that Dan went over to the other side knowing that at least one person loved him, despite almost killing me on more than one occasion. I do miss him though.

Blessings,
Malkin

[Artemis365]

Remembering:
Jimmy-my orange tabby cat from my early childhood
Jack- another orange tabby who died a few days ago
Puck- a longhaired cat from my early childhood
Kitter- a black and white cat who died a few years ago
Brutus- who I never knew but wish I had

[lavouivre]

All you stories are so sad, I cried just by reading them. To the horses, to the dogs, to the cats and other pets who welcome us all the time, whatever we do to them, who are just happy to see us, to feel us around. To their loyalty and unconditional love!

I remember Willy, my first dog, a boxer. We called him the wriggler, because he would roll and squirm every time we were out with him in the garden. We had to put him down because he had a generalized cancer. He lived a long and happy life - I hope!

I remember Psipsinette, our cat, she would turn on her back to show us her belly every time we called her name. I think she died of grief when Willy died. She meowed for 3 days and then disappeared. Reading the link, I feel guilty about not being there at that time to grieve with her.

I remember Baloo, our shepherd dog, whom we rescued. He has been abducted afterwards, but we found him again with blood in his kidneys because of bad treatment, he healed, and then, disappeared again. I hope he is ok, I hope he wasn't abducted a second time by this unknown monster of a man, I hope he lives free (he was a strongheaded dog, almost a wolf), or I hope he ate that bad man who wanted to beat him to death. And if he is no more, I hope he runs free and wild with your other pets.

And I remember also my two fishes, Cleo and Patra (yes, I know, I was only 7 years old when we chose those names my brother and I...). I think I killed them unwillingly. Sometimes it makes me feel guilty. I know they know it wasn't intended. They used to sit in this bowl filled with nice colored stones. The bowl was on the floor still: we had just arrived from vacation. At that time, we didn't have a proper bathroom, so at night we would go pee in a pot and empty it in the morning. That fateful night, I woke up to pee and hit the bowl with my foot. Some water spilled out, and I looked in the darness to make sure the fishes were still there. I saw something float and was reassured. The following morning, one fish was dead, on the floor, in the little pool of water I had spilled. Just thinking of this way of dying makes me shudder. The poor fish was chocked. Not long after, the second fish died, we found him one morning his belly up, floating. I keep wondering if the second fish died because of the grief or because it was old anyway, or because we had forgotten to change the water that day and it was summer (water too warm for it?)

I have now a nice dog half catahoula half labrador. She is a rescue (was locked up in a bathroom all her "childhood"). I hope she lives happy for all the rest of her life with me and my husband. But the first time we went on vacation he and I, we left her with a dog walker. When we came back, she had this hollow stare, this shadow of panic and sadness, checking on us, checking if we were really there, still around her all the time, for 2-3 weeks after.
We never left her alone again...

[TreeLady]

It's been a while since anyone posted here, but I'm glad to find this thread.

I had to put my Zinnia kitty down last Thursday. she was about 12 years old, but she didn't look old. She had adopted me about 10 years ago and was a dear companion. Her fur was so soft, her nudges so gentle, and ... she did have attitudes.

It was and wasn't sudden. She had had problems in early July, which the vet had taken care of ... but she was never quite right after that. Something essential in her had changed. When I woke up Thursday morning, I just knew ... and I sobbed. By 8:15 another vet, (who was 45 minutes closer and had never seen her), said I could bring her in. John drove us over and the vet confirmed "You are doing the right thing. Please, if you remember nothing else I say, remember that you are doing the right thing. As pet owners, sometimes we have to hurt so they don't have to."

We stayed with her when they gave her the sedative, and I talked to her, loving her, as she got all wobbly and unbalanced. When the vet came in, he said it was time for us to leave. We could wait outside, but it was better for us not to be there when they put her to sleep. We went out. It didn't take long. Soon, we had my Zinnia back, all still and quiet. So soft and so warm yet, and so absolutely limp and still. I am so grateful to the vet for this difficult work that he sometimes has to do and for doing this for Zinnia and me.

We dug her grave, a deep round hole, in a sunny spot near one of the sheds. When I laid her in it, her body naturally curled, her nose resting on her front paws. I placed some of her favorite treats in with her, said a last goodbye, and put the first bit of earth on her. I know the power of earth and I'm glad that she is going back to earth ... and it has been sad, the grief coming in waves, by surprise. There she rests. A little later, I spoke with my animal guides and they said she was with them, resting, and would be for a while. They said she thanked me for the treats (Greenies).

Like many others on this thread, I too have wondered if there was something else I could have done, did I jump the gun, something that I missed? I don't think so. It was her time. It wasn't about my time ... it was about her time. I also realized that part of my grief is for two dogs I had to put down almost 30 years ago, within a few months of each other. I dropped each of them off at the vet and left, didn't stay with them and didn't pick up their remains. I just wasn't able to face it at the time.

So ... today I planted a yellow buddleia (Buddleia x weyeriana 'Honeycomb' (Loganiaceae) over Zinnia -- so there will be butterflies around her grave. I have been taken by surprise at the depth of my grief. I'm just letting it rise as it will, feeling it, and letting it pass. She is worth the grief. She gave me years of companionship, entertainment, quiet, purrs, stillness, presence. She is reaping her harvest of a good life at this midpoint between Lughnasadh and Alban Eiler. I am letting go. We are both aligned with the cycle. This helps somewhat -- and I still miss my girl. I've vacuumed up her hair, put away her bowls, cleaned and put away the folded rug she liked to sleep on. The memories were too raw to keep right there. There may be a time when I wish I hadn't been so hasty, but it feels "right" now.

[fulbert-avebury]

Thanks for sharing this with us, TreeLady. These things are never easy, though planting a lovely butterfly bush over her remains will bring you many lovely memories of her to continue into the future. What a fitting tribute. Peace to you and yours.

[TreeLady]

Thank you, Jeffrey. I'm finding that just seeing that Buddleia there is helping tremendously. I know exactly where her grave is and, somehow, even though I know it's not physically occurring yet, that buddleia is already a new manifestation of the materials that were her body. Funny, how our minds will work.