it has already been some time since he went away, but the pain keeps returning...
My rescue collie (both rescued from a shelter and an active rescue dog) Special Agent Cooper, whom I have got from an animal shelter died at age 4 from a very aggressive form of leucemia. Together we had gone through three intensive years of therapy because he suffered from severe panic attacks. In these three years of work, tears and sweat we healed him from his inner demons - just to lose him to the next demon.
I just wanted to share my love, my joy and pain with him as well as a poem I have just posted in the poetry section (if you're interested, you'll find the poem under "I looked for you at Samhuinn"). Here is what I wrote about him:
The story behind this tale is my beloved dog Cooper. He was the closest companion I ever had and we had been extremely close. He could read my mind and he was the only dog I ever knew who loved to look into my eyes like forever. I got him when he had extreme panic attacks and together we went through hell and back again to fight his demons. When he became three years old he finally became the dog he deserved to be: a proud, stunningly beautiful and self-assured wonderful intelligent friend who would follow me everywhere.
Just when he was about to regain his full strength he caught leucemia and whithered and died in my arms in only three months. He put up an incredible fight and we tried everything, really everything to heal him. We fought like a pack of wolves, he slept in my arms every night, I would carry him, feed him from my hand, give him massages and wiped the dirt out of his eyes. I have never in my whole life been so close to another creature, except maybe my mother.
The day he died he told me it would happen. But instead of hiding away like other dogs I have seen dying he would call for me and roll himself into my arms. His last breath was ripped out of him in pain and I could literally hear him cry for me as his soul was being carried over the rim against his will.
I know some will say "he is just a dog". But you don't know what you are talking about. he was the dearest friend I ever had on earth and we went through so much in these few years. He had so much deserved to stay. And yet he was denied so much.
It's been 1,5 years now and I still feel his presence, still feel the pain sometimes as if it had just been a couple of minutes ago when I last felt his cold nose on my hand, his fur leaned to my back and his soft breath in my ear.
Yesterday evening when I went running with my dog and the evening sun died against the cold mists of nightfall it struck me once again like lightning: it looked like our happy days together, when we were getting up at 6 in the morning just to admire the beauty of our country and the sun. We would sit with a hot chocolate reading a book with a blanket on the sofa afterwards, sharing the closeness, our breath and pure peace.
I love and miss him still so much, there are no words to describe it.
Last, I will share a picture of Cooper on one of these enchanted and magic mornings we used to share when we were happy together and not knowing what lied ahead.
- My beloved collie Special Agent Dale Cooper on one of our happily enchanted mornings
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