I just found out that my ex-husband has died tonight. He was 40 and he had been my best friend for over 13 years.
When we met, we were both kids in pain looking for a home, for some sort of sanctuary, for a person who made us feel worthy of love and the beauty of life. We built a home together full of animals and we were really happy for a long time. But like many relationships, ours changed over time and we drifted apart romantically. He remained my best friend until he remarried last year. We still loved each other like family and wanted only happiness for each other.
Greg was such a generous, compassionate spirit who wanted the best for people even when he was down on his luck. Animals swarmed him as a living St. Gregory, knowing he would love them fully and unconditionally. My beloved Samhain, the kitten we raised to adulthood for 13 years, died in February. Our eldest dog, a very weary 16-year-old Pendragon, is sitting in his house waiting for his daddy to come home.
He was also a gifted musician who could have lived in the bright lights if he'd believed in himself more. I am thankful I helped him create a CD of his music that will now live on.
How am I supposed to say goodbye to someone who was supposed to weave in and out of my life despite our divergent paths? Who understood me and loved me on a level no one else ever has? I don't want him to have passed before he found real happiness. And yet a part of me is relieved that his suffering is over, he can be at peace finally. I pray that he is now surrounded by the all-encompassing self-love he could never feel in his heart here in this life. That he has his mother, Samhain, his childhood dog and all the others who have passed on greeting him with warm hugs as the music of the Otherworld fills his soul with eternal joy and the Grace of God illuminates his experiences with benevolent clarity.
Good bye my sweet friend.
Thank you for this comforting place and space to grieve.
I enjoy defying description.
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." --Soren Kierkegaard
“We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of the dream. Wandering by lone sea breakers, and sitting by desolate streams. World losers and world forsakers, for whom the pale moon gleams. Yet we are movers and the shakers of the world forever it seems.” -- Arthur William Edgar O'Shaughnessy