Recently myself and my husband had some devastating news, I was 5 months pregnant, we went for the scan that is done around this time, the local hospital picked up something wasn't right with our baby's heart, we were referred to St Thomas's hospital in London and were told our baby had congenital heart disease, Pulmonary Atresia with Ventricular Septal Defect, the specialist couldn't guarantee our baby (we named her Jasmine) would even make it full term, there was talk of operations IFJasmine was a "suitable candidate", long term prognosis wasn't good, it was really a miracle our Little One survived, she was literally living off me via the umbilical cord and could not survive outside my womb, not without severe medical intervention...with no guarantees whatsoever. We made the difficult and heart wrenching decision to let her go as peacefully and painlessly as possible.
It's been a hell of a time for us, Baby Jasmine was born on Saturday 28th, she had passed away during the birth sometime, as peacefully as possible, she was absolutely perfect...so beautiful it tore my heart... Of course we have gone through every emotion ever felt since then...
It's devastating to have to make a decision like we had to, of course I have felt "did I do the right thing?" , I've beaten myself emotionally to a pulp, but deep down I know that now she is free from pain and harm, it would've been selfish to subject her to operation after operation (if she'd made it)...she was critically ill and there was doubt she would even make it full term, when you are handed those kind of cards, there is really not much of a choice, she was created from our love and it was a decision made out of love. Many people say there is enough suffering in this world...and had Jasmine lived, she would have known pain of body, mind and spirit.
We're having her buried on Wednesday morning, just me, Mark (my husband) & Jasmine, it's so very personal and I don't think we could cope with a traditional funeral. An American Indian friend (real life one from the Lakota Tribe) has written some words for us to say and there are prayers being said for her by the tribe and other tribes that are friends of theirs.
I'm trying to keep strong, so that her tiny little life meant something, we will always remember her, she gave us much joy, pride and she brightened up our lives.
Be at Peace Little One, we love you Jasmine.