Be kind to yourself

[Maena]

Some of the most wonderful people I know, say or think horrible things about themselves. Even to the point of self hate and self destruction.
I've been there often enough myself. Many have been abused by others and then continue abusing themselves. Continuing to feel miserable, unloved, worthless.

If you feel you are "no good", "unworthy" etc etc

STOP IT NOW

Be kind to yourself.
Be a friend to yourself.
Learn to love yourself.

Take a BIG step back. Look at yourself as ~whatever form of divinity you choose~ looks at you.

A simple little exercise I came up with: say 5 nice things about yourself

TRY IT

I am caring, my gentle nature and listening ear comforts many
I make my daughter feel loved, I can make her laugh and smile
I've made some lovely little works that bring joy to me and others
I can cook quite well, healthy and tasty
I can be grateful for all the gifts I receive

[Teileag]

You are absolutely right, Maena!
I'll have a go, too:

I'm a happy person, I like to laugh and make others laugh.
I am caring.
I am generous, I like to prepare food and share it with others.
I have nice hair
I like to sing and I sing well.

Cool! Had to think a bit but I got there !!

[Maena]

Thank you Heike. That's the spirit!
Who's next?

[serenarian]

I'll try. I'm really bad at being nice to myself so I really need this!

1) I am a very caring and loving person and hate to see people hurt or upset.
2) I have a good head on my shoulders and am down to earth.
3) I make fantastic diabetic cookies.
4) I have a welcoming and warm smile.
5) I know how to cheer people up and make them feel better.

Thanks for that.

[Teileag]

Serenarian and Maena, I would really like to meet you one day , you are beautiful souls...

[Golden Eagle]

This is a lovely idea, thank you for sharing it

I think I'll stick with writing my list off the forum though *peeks out from under the covers*

[Nicholaas]

There's a Stuart Smalley joke in here somewhere, I just can't see it yet...

Seriously, though, I tried and found it difficult to do without sounding conceited or something. I'll think on it and try again later.

[Fox of the Oaks]

Wonderful displays of self-kindness!

I'll give it a go...

1 - I am original and spontaneous in my joy and creativity
2 - I am comfortable with who I am, and happy to grow from there.
3 - I am to the best of my ability true to myself and others.
4 - I always attempt to relate to others with kindness, generosity and a helping spirit.
5 - I am confident in my ability to live a meaningful life without needing unhealthy 'props'.

I once did a similar exercise where I was with a group of friends and we went around the circle each speaking about something that we were good at and proud of, then all others would return an honouring and acknowledging group response. It was a really powerful exercise and certainly is healing. It ran against the grain for one or two people, who could not speak of themselves in a positive way, though still went through the exercise, yet the group was still able to respond with love, giving their support.

[Maena]

Thank you for sharing your self-kindness.. it's not always easy as we are often taught to be modest etc.
I too would like to meet many of you in real life someday.
PineRaven that sounds like a very good exercise among good friends

There is a joke this reminded me of...

Walking into the empty sanctuary of his synagogue, a rabbi was suddenly possessed by a wave of mystical rapture, and threw himself onto the ground before the Ark proclaiming, "Lord, I'm Nothing!"
Seeing the rabbi in such a state, the cantor felt profoundly moved by similar emotions. He too, threw himself down in front of the Ark, proclaiming, "Lord, I'm Nothing!"
Then, way in the back of the synagogue, the janitor threw himself to the ground, and he too shouted, "Lord, "I'm Nothing."
Whereupon, the rabbi turned to the cantor and whispered, "Look who thinks he's Nothing!"

[Fox of the Oaks]

Walking into the empty sanctuary of his synagogue, a rabbi was suddenly possessed by a wave of mystical rapture, and threw himself onto the ground before the Ark proclaiming, "Lord, I'm Nothing!"
Seeing the rabbi in such a state, the cantor felt profoundly moved by similar emotions. He too, threw himself down in front of the Ark, proclaiming, "Lord, I'm Nothing!"
Then, way in the back of the synagogue, the janitor threw himself to the ground, and he too shouted, "Lord, "I'm Nothing."
Whereupon, the rabbi turned to the cantor and whispered, "Look who thinks he's Nothing!"

I'll have to admit, I don't get it

[Maena]

Well.. the rabbi and the cantor believed only they had the right to call themselves nothing before their Lord. One of those twisted humility things.
Something I don't like much. Just as when someone has done something well, they get compliments and then say: Oh it was nothing! Be a cheek and say: Oh yea, you're right, anybody could do that and you'd get a different reaction.

[Fox of the Oaks]

Ok thanks, now I get it.

I do find the relationship between healing and self-esteem/humility/honesty/true confidence etc. interesting and believe it to be a most significant area of healing for becoming a whole and balanced person.

[Maena]

Indeed.. and I believe it also has something to do with honesty. If you are a balanced whole person (or have one of those moments) you can honestly say you did something well or not. If not, it is an easy way out to say you are just no good. If you respect yourself you can think why did I do this/what made me do this.

For example: I was snappy to someone. They didn't deserve to be treated that way. I feel bad about reacting that way.
Why? I was tired, they asked me something I had answered in detail before (I thought so) and wasn't eager on talking about because it involved some old hurt.
Where is the conflict? They still don't understand/want to know more. That is a sign of caring. I do want to answer to that. - I didn't feel like talking about it at the time. I find it hard to talk about it. But I am willing to under right circumstances.
What did I learn? Not everyone is a psychic, they don't know how I feel so I have to SAY IT.
How could I have handled it better? I should have been honest and said: It's hard for me to talk about. I'm tired and need to relax now. We can talk about it another time.
How can I set it straight? Saying I'm sorry about the way I reacted and why I did. Making some time to discuss it.



And then there is affirmation seeking.. get back to it after my homoeopath session

[Fox of the Oaks]

Some good insight into honest communication Maena.

One thing I find from time to time is the difficulty in being honest to others who may find honesty an uncomfortable presence in their life and in social exchange. Certainly one should be sensitive to other's views of themselves socially and how this may differ from the 'reality' of themselves (as in people can only handle so much honesty about themselves in a social setting, and there are also reasons why they feel the need to hide their honest self) - but for one's own personal expression, sometimes I find for myself that my honesty about myself can end up bypassing 'social mores' or upsetting conventions (that other's mostly assume should be followed by everyone).

For example, in reference to this thread, it can be a common convention that one does not speak of their good qualities etc. as it is often seen as arrogant or self-glorifying, so when one does this honestly, another person might make a negative remark in response (perhaps out of envy or perhaps just because that is how socially we are taught to be). When truth is inconvenient, other things get free reign, in their woundedness.

All this raises questions and thoughts about the social health of our culture/species, and a need for healing in this area.

[Maena]

I know what you mean Pine Raven.. I always try to adapt/translate to my surroundings, because if you are not understood or misunderstood then there's no point in being bluntly honest. One thing I tend to do is use a bit of humour.Things that are hard to say in earnest are quite okay said with humour. The privilege of fools?

I'm a social care worker. Dealing with a lot of people who can be VERY touchy. Still you have to say things that people don't like. It's about building trust (they should know you are not intent on hurting them) and HOW you say something.

How this relates to our culture/species... for one we have been hurting each other too much, that's a reason for a distrustful nature. Maybe feeling better about yourself by putting another down? It's such a common thing to point out everything that's wrong we tend to forget the positive sides AND the possibility of working on what's wrong! Since I've realised this I try to implement a more balanced view: I'll say what's good and what needs improvement. Again it's start with your own actions and try to share your progress and insights with others. I know some people can seem thick as a brick at times, but giving up is not an answer.