Jake wrote:I'm not sure anyone who hasn't experienced the closet can understand the degree of rigorous attention to detail involved in maintaining the too-often necessary illusion of heterosexuality. At a young age, with hormones raging, one has to be meticulously cautious about every glance, every word, every gesture, almost every movement of the body which would otherwise be entirely reflexive, unconscious, unexamined. Your survival may depend on it.
Jake wrote:But the psychological and physiological effects of the closet can be profound and lingering. For one whose only recently come out, the physical proximity of a person to whom one's attracted or the real or imagined proximity of sexual or romantic fulfillment can induce a panic reaction or even sometimes illness....All that to say that's why I agree with trusting your instinct but in certain situations that instinct may be a false one born of conditioning.
ideagirl wrote: That's an interesting perspective. It makes total sense now that you mention it. That said, it's not what's going on with the original poster because she is a she attracted to a he.
The point of using different words to describe instincts vs. habits is that it is important to learn to distinguish between them. Some habits can and should be changed--for example, you might still have that "jitters" habit you learned as a kid in Alabama even though it's now 30 years later and you live in San Francisco, where that habit doesn't serve you anymore--whereas your body's instinctual ability to recognize and avoid danger should certainly not be changed. If you can recognize that an unhelpful but habitual fear reaction is only a habit, then you can work on changing it... but first you've got to be able to distinguish your habits from your instincts, and the first step in distinguishing them is to call them by different names.
I hope you are aware of the LBGT section of the forum.
while I do not mean to downplay your challenges of having cautiously emerged from the closet;
its not the world's only closeted issue. Everything from polyamory to smoking to pot to actually wanting to have children or being a vegetarian can be "closet issues".
Jake wrote:Um no, Ainevar's a guy. Please double check his profile.
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