relationship advice

[Dragon]

Hello
Can I ask advice on a parenting problem.
It concerns my daughter who is six and since her mum left us a month ago she has become more and more distant and cold toward myself as father.
Recently, during school holiday for a week, she became aggressive and moody. She now sleeps with her mum's photo.
I can see that she is missing her mum and my attempts to explain matters have failed.
She says she has dreams of mum and sometimes thinks of her as dead.
I have suggested she might visit mum in spain where she resides with lover but she is not keen.
How can I reach her?

[Lily]

oh wow, what a hard thing to have to do. maybe she feels at fault or that her mum does not love her anymore.... I am not qualified to answer. No kids of my own.
maybe people here can, maybe you can get outside help....

just make sure you spend loads of time with your daughter talking about this, but also about other things. Can you do just "kid" things with her, like bake some cookies, go outside...

[Serpentia]

She is grieving, that is natural and healthy. My youngest boy grieved after the divorce, when his father moved back to the States, but the oldest never did. He was 10 at the time and maybe thought to tough it out, but that doesn't work. So he still carries that baggage around with him even today.

Give her time. Go on with life, let her know you miss Mum, too, but stay as objective and neutral as you can. Children often blame themselves, so it's important not to heap any more emotions on top of it. Make sure - if you can - that she stays in friendly contact with her mum (Skype is great for that).

Serpentia

[samurai]

Stick with it mate,Love will always shine through.

[Mountainheart]

Hello
Can I ask advice on a parenting problem.
It concerns my daughter who is six and since her mum left us a month ago she has become more and more distant and cold toward myself as father.
Recently, during school holiday for a week, she became aggressive and moody. She now sleeps with her mum's photo.
I can see that she is missing her mum and my attempts to explain matters have failed.
She says she has dreams of mum and sometimes thinks of her as dead.
I have suggested she might visit mum in spain where she resides with lover but she is not keen.
How can I reach her?

All those emotions that she is expressing are totally normal. And if you look at yourself you are probably behaving differently too; and she may be reacting to that. You may be subconsciousnessly wanting more from her emotionally than you did before and she may find that confusing and difficult.

It strikes me that you need to be her rock at the moment. Listen when she wants to talk. Give her space when she needs it. Be prepared to offer your unconditional love however she behaves.

Tough times

[Dragon]

Thank you all so much. I feel your support and find it a source of strength in reaching my daughter.

[Aynfean]

I have absolutely no advice here. Other than just love your daughter and maybe see if there are any counselling services that might benefit? Someone trained in dealing with kids especially. There may be things she doesn't know how to talk to you about.

I will keep you in my prayers and light a candle for you both tonight.

from one single parent to another.

If you ever wanna talk feel free to shoot me a PM

[paikea]

abandoned child here

I've been away for awhile and wish I'd seen this sooner...
How are things now? feel free to pm me, as his is a public part of the forum I'd rather not go into detail but would be happy to talk to you via pm/email

[AlderAries]

Be present- sometimes just knowing you are there is enough.
Hardest part as a parent is to push our kids to see what they think or feel. In due time. They know you are there, and the matter isn't within your relationship, its with the unfinished part of her relationship with her mom. Of which, you cannot change.

I've worked with teens for the past decade and more, what I know from them is that they need time, and they need to know someone is there and when they are comfortable with their own feelings to be able to share them.

Note the changes. Observe her. When she comes around, tell her what you saw... its the connection we build that allows for trust and development. And listen for as long as she is willing to talk. She has enough of her own feelings to deal with besides trying to make things ok for Dad who is worried. (This is my own lesson I share, not a lecture I bring to you).

Better days ahead!

AlderAries