I suspected PTSD could be a possibility in this. I've considered seeking counseling again, but lack of finances has kept me from doing so. I know of a counselor who will see me for free, but I feel guilty in taking up an hour when she could be getting a paying client in there. She's gotta eat too! I'm glad exercise was mentioned...that's a good avenue I hadn't even thought about. I'm well familiar with the fight or flight response, as I used to have panic attacks when younger, triggered by an abusive relationship. My first instinct when the panic started setting in was to walk walk walk around around around the block(neighbors must have thought I was crazy). It does work well. I guess I just hadn't thought of it this time because the symptoms are so different than last.
elementalheart wrote: When I have stuck fear or stress I walk circles and ask for connection to the trauma to release in every step. I walk sun/clockwise around my altar or around my house or my garden or a workshop space or a lawn or whatever I can find and if I have my drum with me then I use that to exert myself too so more energy can go through me and out. The circle helps build and focus the energy, but also makes a small space effective!
Do you think if I put this into practice in my new room it could improve the energy of it to make it seem more suitable of a sacred space for me?
Dathi, the article was quite helpful. Alot of it I seem to relate to...I think right now I'm most going through the disconnection. Dumb things upset me too much. For example, if I can't find the exact skirt I was looking for, I get angry and just don't want to get dressed at all. Or if I lose my pen, I certainly can't use a pencil...just these extreme responses to normal life that isn't typical for me. I'm glad it mentioned music being intolerable. I've been worrying about that...everytime my husband picks up the guitar or turns on the radio I want to jump out the window. I consider myself a musical person and this reaction to it has me feeling strange. I'm relieved to see this often fades.
Also, something it brought up I'm having trouble with...reminders of the situation. Anytime I see a man fitting the physical description of our attackers wearing red(the gang's colors), my heart drops and I start to sweat. I don't like my response to this. I'm a person who hates appearance profiling, and now that's exactly what I'm doing. I frustrate my husband because I won't visit certain stores because I may have seen an individual looking as such in the parking lot at some point, and my roommate rolls his eyes and tells me I'm seeing them everywhere. I wish this would go away!
I'm trying my best to let it out so I can heal! Which is yes, why I came here. Seemed like a safe place to talk. Its been hard to find the appropriate people to talk to about it. My husband is a great guy, but he handled it so much different than I. In typical Leo fashion, he was angry and sullen for a week, blew his cool and had his first panic attack and had to go to the hospital, they put him on an inappropriate medication that made him a zombie, and then he decided he was done with it and was gonna be himself again, and he was. Good as new! Us Libras are so much slower with things...I've been trying to distract myself with his humor rather than douse him with my negativity, being as he's not so good with it. I've got one friend out of state that will always listen and let me rant when I call, but for the most part, I think people are sick of listening to me gripe and don't understand why I'm not loving my new situation(the house really is cute).
I appreciate everyone taking the time to read and respond. Looks like I'm gonna be out walking circles today! Literally!